Announcing…

11/22/2011

Jaron Isaac! Born 11-2-11 weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz. Big boy!

You thought I was going to reveal a picture of our baby girl, Precious, didn’t you? Not yet, but… I’m going to post a photo (showing her face) on Thanksgiving along with an announcement so check back over the weekend!

Jaron is the freshly adopted son of our friends Leila and Jeremy. You may remember hearing about their crazy past year and a half… first their house was flooded in 4 ft of Cumberland River water for several days. Then while they were fighting insurance companies to pay out what was owed, their rental house was robbed over Christmas last year. Earlier this year they finally moved into their newly rebuilt home (with a foundation 4 ft higher per FEMA regs!). A month before his due date, they were matched with this little boy through their adoption agency. After all of the above drained their savings they had just a couple weeks to scrambled and come up with $20,000 to bring home their son. At least one of my blog readers donated to their fund. You know who you are, and I sincerely thank you! Jeremy and Leila are a couple of the finest people I know and Jaron is a perfect fit in their family. I’m happy that he and Precious can grow up as friends and neighbors.

Jaron with Uncle Jason, at 4 days old:

Here he is sporting his stripped socks made my Auntie Martina. (They double as anti-scratch boxing gloves.)

This picture was taken at 17 days old the morning after I babysat him overnight to give his mama a much needed solid night of sleep. We survived but I sure am thankful Precious was sleeping almost through the night already when she came to us.

Welcome Jaron! You are so loved, little dude!

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Posted by mahlbrandt

DIY Baby Pants and Socks

11/21/2011

A couple weekends ago, I totally got my craft on. I like crafting and I enjoy sewing but it’s been a loooong time since I’ve had my sewing machine out. It used to belong to my Granny who was a wonderful seamstress. She made my junior prom dress. I named my sewing machine Dorothy after her. Rabbit trail, sorry…

There has been a Pinterest challenge going around to actually make something that you might have pinned as a project to do. I wasn’t officially participating but I’ve had these baby socks from Made By Joel on my project list for a long time. It was a quick and easy project with great results. I made 3 pairs, 1 of which I gave to our friends for their new baby boy.

I saw a tutorial a while back for making baby pants out of an old sweater (my favorite) and another DIY for making them out of a t-shirt. Precious has an abundant supply of pink pants so I’m trying to introduce more colors in her wardrobe. These three websites already do a good job giving DIY instructions so I’ll just show some (or a lot of) pictures of my processes and the finished products.

I loved this sweater but it had several holes in it and a stain.

I used one of her pink pairs as a reference for size.

6 Comments | Art, Art: crafts, Family, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Happy Birthday, Lucy

11/17/2011

Our sweet cocker spaniel Lucy tries hard not to be be forgotten through all that’s been going on lately. Sometimes she succeeds. Other times I let her outside, then go make a bottle for Precious and 30 minutes later remember I put her out. She’s such a good dog. She could easily run away or wander off but she just sits patiently at the back door waiting to be remembered. Lucy is pretty laid back, as you can tell from this photo.

Although…more than once she has used the forgotten outside excuse to find something disgusting to blissfully roll in, necessitating a bath. That’s one way to get attention and I’m pretty sure she knows it.

Happy 7th Birthday, Lucy-LuLu-Lucille–Brown Dog–Chocker Spaniel–Floppy Ears-Sad Eyes-Puppy Face-Chewbacca! Thanks for never leaving. Please stop rolling in grossness. We love you, sweet puppy!

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Unbelievable

11/16/2011

I’m afraid if I start telling the whole story of what happened yesterday, it’ll be the longest post in the history of my blog and quite frankly, my brain is fried from this long, crazy, wonderful experience. I’m also afraid that if I don’t tell the whole story now, it won’t ever get told. So let’s see where this goes… Basically, a miracle happened yesterday. And I don’t throw the word “miracle” around lightly. God moved a mountain, an even bigger mountain than we initially thought.

Last week we got unofficial news that most of the people at the DCS office were changing their opinions and were feeling she should stay with us. But it wasn’t official yet. Yesterday, they all got together and made their official decision. When we arrived at the courthouse in the afternoon, we got the bad news from Precious’ case worker after a very split meeting, they had decided she should move to the other “kinship” placement on Friday, as originally scheduled. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might suffocate.

While we were waiting for our hearing, the social worker suggested we allow this new placement, the woman who had not yet met Precious, to hold her and see how she reacts. I could barely manage an introductory smile, and I just couldn’t bring myself to make small talk. How could I trust a woman who would do this to us and to Precious? Did she not realize the gravity of all of this?

As she was holding her, Precious kept looking over to Jason and giving him big slobbery open-mouth smiles. He couldn’t help responding back with a smile but I couldn’t do it. Watching that and imaging her growing up without a daddy, HER daddy—it was more than I could bare. I had to walk away as tears started burning my eyes. I tried to hold it together and not be a blubbering fool in the courtroom. Thankfully (?) we a long wait before going in and plenty of time to compose myself.

What happened inside the courtroom was a beautiful blur. I shouldn’t really share any details but here’s how it ended. The judge (magistrate, technically) asked us if we would be willing to accept full legal custody of Precious and no longer receive any assistance from the state department of childrens services. We enthusiastically said yes. Her ruling was that Precious leave state custody immediately and we be given custody of her. That means she is no longer a foster child—she’s ours! I think that ruling was unexpected by everyone in the room. Talk about a miracle! That just doesn’t happen. But it did. We are over-the-moon excited and thankful. God is so good!!

Now we’ll still need to adopt her through an attorney and there is a bit of a jumbled legal mess around this whole situation but WOW WOW WOW! And we’ll have to come up with money for a private adoption but come on, if God can do all of this, He can handle all of that, too. Thank you to everyone who has been praying and cheering us on. Seriously, prayer works and I without-a-doubt believe that God worked a gigantic miracle on our little girl’s behalf.

It’s all still sinking in.

35 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Big Day

11/15/2011

Today very important decisions are being made regarding Precious’ pre-adoptive placement…and the whole rest of her life. Again. The initial decision is being re-evaluated, praise the Lord! Prayers would be greatly appreciated today, for the best decision to be made for Precious. After last week we are feeling so hopeful and encouraged that the original decision to move her out of our home will be reversed (that would be a HUGE mountain moved!) but I’m still a bit nervous until decisions are made official. It would be tragic for her and for us if she was moved at this point. She’s already been through way too much in her short life and we’re the only safe home and parents she’s known.

I’m feeling more free to dream for her now, to let my mind wander into hopes for her, for the first year of her life and beyond. I tend to be a planner to a fault; “obsessive planning” Sarah Young calls it in Jesus Calling. Being a foster parent has really challenged me to stay focused on the present and not let my heart jump too far into the future. But the past few days I can’t help but think about how wonderful it would be to have Precious celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with us, to get to grow up with cousins and friends so close to her age, to take her with us on our big family vacation to Outer Banks next summer during her 1st birthday week, to spend many hot days next summer in my parent’s pool. And beyond that, I wonder what she’ll be like when she’s 6 or when she’s 12. What about when she’s 16 and learning to drive? What will her passions be…music like her dad or art like her mom? Will she have a heart for adoption? Will she have unshakeable faith after all she’s been through? She already has a powerful testimony. I’m believing for great things for her and I can’t wait to see where God leads her life.

Call it a step of faith but I made her a Christmas stocking on Saturday.

 

6 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Happy Monday!

11/14/2011

and Happy Birthday to my dear friend, Renata!

I didn’t have a chance to prepare a post for today and now I’m busy at work but here are a few photos from the weekend that I’ll explain soon.

A lot happened last week regarding Precious and we’re feeling really encouraged that things are going to work out for her best interest after all. It sounds like God is moving a HUGE mountain. Thanks for all your prayers! I’ll let you know more once we have some official answers; hopefully this week. Can you tell I’m having way too much fun dressing her and making clothes for her in the meantime?

1 Comment | Art, Art: crafts, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Worth Fighting For

11/10/2011

My friend Susan commented the other day that my posts lately have been so real and so raw…letting you all feel the emotions, anxiety, pain and love we’re going through. That was intentional, so I’m glad it’s coming through. (Hopefully my MCM design enthusiast readers don’t mind too much.) I discovered Chazley’s Blog the other day. She’s a foster mom and an excellent writer and I was really challenged by the transparency about her struggles. I want to be honest about how much this process we’re in sucks and at the same time why it is worth every minute of the hell we go through for these kids.

I have other things to write about, home related, exciting things, really big news, I promise. But right now all of that feels so insignificant compared to the battle we’re in. Yes, a battle. We are fighting for this little girl and what we strongly believe is her best interest. Some days are painfully discouraging, others are emotional draining as we’re reading through policies and making lots of phone calls, and other days are surprisingly encouraging.

Surprisingly encouraging. That sounds fun. Let’s hang out there for a minute. Precious had a permanency plan hearing the other day. It’s supposed to be just routine judge signing off on the department’s plan for permanency for the child (typical goals are reunification with birth family, adoption or sometimes exiting state custody with a relative.) It would have been simple in this case, too. However, at what would have been the end of the hearing, one of Precious’ advocates boldly stepped out and raised concerns about the proposed move. I really shouldn’t say too much since I don’t want to jeopardize anything but let me just say this, it seems there is a growing number of people who believe moving her to another home is not in her best interest. It’s far from over but we’re feeling really encouraged. We have not run out of options yet.

I woke up the next morning with praises in my head. It was a song we had sung on Sunday, a day when I was feeling completely deflated by all of this and my spirit was having a hard time convincing my body and mind to worship. But unlike on Sunday, that morning it filled me up with joy and hope. The chorus that was stuck in my head goes, “What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the name of the Lord! What peace, what peace for those whose comfort is Him alone!” and the verse says this: “You made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in it. Your promises remain. You give justice to the weak. You care for the widow and orphan. Forevermore You reign.” (The song starts at 20:20 in this video recording from 11/6/11 if you want to hear it. Bonus: Jason was playing guitar on the worship team last Sunday.) I stopped in Precious’ room to say goodbye to her before I left for work and was greeted with the most gigantic smile. She is a beautiful, sweet, joyful little girl and that smile is all the fuel I need to stand up and fight for her.

I pray that someday Jason and I can sit down with our daughter and tell her about what a ruckus we caused on her behalf, how hard we fought for what we believed was best for her, how many people were involved in the battle for her, and how it was all worth it, because she is worth it.

9 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

11/08/2011

Both of our little girls so far have adored Jason and vice versa. “Is she a daddy’s girl?” people always ask. I’ve dearly loved our girls too and they’ve loved me back, but there is just something about that father daughter relationship that’s hard to explain.

I used to come home from work and scoop Ladybug up into a big hug. More often then not, I could smell Jason’s cologne on her. I’d suck in the fragrance as I hugged our first daughter and my heart was full of joy that she had a daddy who loved her so much. I could always tell when she’d been spending time with her father because she had picked up his scent. (Picture above, from here.)

Precious is too little to give hugs but she has gigantic kissable cheeks. At her first doctor’s appointment, the pediatrician gave us a prescription for a rash on her face. We had never noticed the rash before. I actually didn’t even realize I was filling the prescription for a rash cream until the pharmacist explained what it was for. I looked back at Precious in the back seat. She didn’t have a rash on her cheeks. Later that day we realized when Jason’s scratchy beard brushes against her cheeks she gets a red dotted rash. It doesn’t last long but he must have been kissing on her cheeks right before the doctor walked into the exam room. Now, I always smile when I see a dotted patch on her cheek. She has a daddy who adores her.

We’re part of a system (as foster parents) where good dads are rare…in birth families and in foster homes. A friend just loaned Jason the book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker. He’s not much of a book reader but he dove into it immediately. I noticed as I was falling asleep that his eyes were full of tears as he read. I wasn’t sure if he was going to end up brokenhearted or fired up, ready to fight for his daughter.

As far as policies go, the department of chilren’s services doesn’t prefer a mother/father household over a single parent household. Jason feels such a heavy burden for Precious (and he also did for Ladybug) knowing that he will probably be the only daddy she ever has. There are a lot of wonderful single parents out there who are doing a great job raising their children and fostering children and I admire them for all they do on their own. But statistically, there is no question that it’s better for children to grow up with a mother AND a father. The statistics for girls who grow up without strong fathers in Meeker’s book are…repulsive.

It’s just one more thing that burdens our hearts to think of Precious being taken from our home.

Oh sweet girl, we are doing everything we can to fight for you.

5 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Ladybug, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Loving, Losing and (Not) Letting Go

11/07/2011

After we let Ladybug go, it took three weeks before we felt like our hearts were ready to love another child. Then we accepted the placement call for Precious. Loving again was easy. I was ready to love again. But I’m not ready to lose a child again. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. We knew when we became foster parents that loving the kids wouldn’t be the hard part, it would be letting them go that would be difficult. And it has been. It hurts like hell. What I was not at all prepared for was the tangled mess of policies and players (case workers, CASA workers, guardians ad litem, placement specialists, adoption specialists, judges, birth family, kin, etc.)

We’re in a very difficult situation right now. How can I explain this without giving away too much information… Let’s say Precious has several older siblings. Two of them, BoBo and LaLa (not their real names, of course) were adopted by a foster mother named Sue (not real name). Sue was called to be a kinship placement for Precious when she came into state custody but she declined. Sue is not related to Precious but would be considered kinship because the kids are biologically related. No other family or kinship (friends, godparents, church members, etc.) were identified so Precious ended up with us: random foster parents. Now, 6+ weeks later, the department has identified a woman named Patty (not real name) who wants her and hopes to adopt her since that’s where Precious’ case is leading. Patty is good friends with Sue so she spends a lot of time around BoBo and LaLa and is considered their godmother. Patty has never met Precious but has crossed paths with her birth mother a few times when Sue initiated some visits between her and BoBo and LaLa on holidays and birthdays. The department is now considering Patty to be kinship under their “broad definition of kin.” Although really the policy says to be considered kinship, the adult should have an existing relationship with the child or at the very least an actual relationship with the birth parent. The department says they made a mistake by overlooking Patty initially and now they’re trying to fix their mistake. Precious and her siblings have never met her so there is no existing bond or relationship. We have expressed that we would also be willing to allow Precious to stay in touch with BoBo and LaLa if we can adopt her.

So let me make this really simple: they want to move Precious out of the home she’s in now with two foster parents who have been loving and adoring her for half of her life and are completely attached to her (and she seems pretty fond of; see picture above) into the home of a woman she has no relationship with, who is not family, where she will not be living with her siblings, because this foster mother is friends with the adoptive mother of her siblings. Does that seem like it’s in the best interest of the child? We think not. Some of the players think not. The decision making ones think so. So we’re fighting it.

As foster parents we are asked to love the children as if they are our own, to consider them fully a part of our family as long as they’re with us and to be an advocate for them. Especially in the case of a child who is too young to communicate, we have to stand up for what we believe is best for her. It’s not that we want to keep her just out of selfish desires and avoiding a painful loss, we believe it’s our great love for her that propels us to fight for what is best for her. What is best for her is to be in a home with people who love her and already have a relationship and attachment to her, and vice-versa. Staying in touch with biological siblings is important and we’re not disregarding that, but because there is no currently existing sibling relationship, it doesn’t seem like that should trump the parental relationship that currently exists between her and us.

I’m sharing this for several reasons… to be honest about the struggle we’re in right now and how much it’s tearing at our hearts, to be open about the kind of policy mess that can surround each child welfare case, to shed light on what we believe to be an unjust situation and more than anything to ask for your prayers as all this is being figured out. The department has essentially made their decision but there are a few things we can do to challenge their position.

It ain’t over yet…

12 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Phone Photo Friday

11/04/2011

If you pray really hard, maybe I can actually show you this sweet face soon. Let me tell you, she was not happy about this snowsuit. I think she looks like a starfish! I kept thinking “I can’t put my arms down!” from A Christmas Story.

On a serious note, the decision making meeting is today where a team will decide whether Precious can stay with us or if she should move with another woman for her adoptive placement. It sounds like it could go either way at this point. Please pray! We’re really, really hoping she can stay with us.

2 Comments | Art, Art: Phone Photo Friday, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

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