A Year Ago

01/03/2013

At the end of December 2011, just a few days before Christmas, Jason, Ali and I celebrated the new property we had just purchased.

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Earlier that day, we were at the juvenile courthouse accepting Ali’s birth mom’s surrender of her parental rights to us. We took the photo below afterward while we waited for some paperwork. It’s a dark and crappy picture and it’s a bittersweet reality, too. We were thankful she was willing to do it because it made our process to adopt Ali smoother, but it was also very painful for her. She’s a tough woman but she couldn’t hide her tears as the judge asked her if she was absolutely sure this is what she wanted to do. She was positive it was the best thing for Ali. But it was like watching a chunk of her heart get torn out before our eyes. I wanted to give her a big hug afterward, to thank her again, but she ran out quickly when her part was over and I haven’t seen her since then.

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She had my phone number and sent a text a few days after Christmas last year but that was the last I’ve heard from her. Apparently she lost her phone at some point. I’m thankful that we’ve been able to maintain some communication with some of Ali’s other biological family members but it pains me that we’ve lost contact with her first mom. I’m thankful for the time we did get to spend with her and for the pictures we have.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since all of that happened. Perhaps because we were living in transition for 10 months between homes, it feels like it was just a short time ago. When I look back at that chubby little baby with slick, straight hair and barely able to sit up on her own, it feels like it was so long ago! She’s changed tremendously since then. I wish I could let her first mom see how much she’s grown and how she’s running all around and talking up a storm. I wish she could see her outgoing personality and her toughness (which I’m sure Ali inherited from her). I wish I could hug her and thank her again for giving us her blessing to raise this beautiful little girl that she birthed.


It’s Easier to Say No

01/02/2013

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Things are good here in our little family. They’re not perfect, not necessarily easy—I mean, we do have a toddler who is testing the limits of her independence and the sincerity of our words everyday—but things are good. Really good. We love our daughter to the moon and back. We have a good rhythm and rhyme, the three of us. Any gut-level desires to parent a child have been satisfied by our dear girl. We could be done adding to our family. It would be easy.

As I consider taking the plunge into foster parenting again, it feels completely differently this time. Last time it was just Jason and me. Why not? we reasoned. We didn’t have a good reason to say no.

This time around we have our precious little one to consider. Her safety. Her feelings. Her parental attention. It would be so easy to say no this time. No, we can’t bring strangers, little aliens, into our home again. This time we could use our daughter as an excuse. We would be justified. We have our daughter to look out for and those other kids are not our problem.

As I rocked my daughter last night, I looked down at her sweet little face and deep, brown eyes and told her for the millionth time how much I love her, what a wonderful gift she is, how special she is and how thankful I am to be her Mommy. And then I remembered… It would have been easy to say no to her call, too. It would have been easier to go on as just the two of us, me and Jason, and never have to step out into the dark unknown of foster parenting.

We could have said no and we would have missed out one of the greatest blessings in our lives.

Our home is not physically ready for us to reopen as foster parents. The “next kids” room is not assembled yet and we still need some safety locks installed in the kitchen and medical/cleaning products closet. But mentally I’m getting ready to say YES.


Our 1st Christmas at Home

12/27/2012

Ready for Christmas picture overload? OK, here we go!

Our niece Eliza came over to play on Christmas Eve.

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In case it’s not obvious, these girls have a blast together.

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Jason was so awesome and made my family’s traditional Christmas Eve Swedish meatballs while Ginger and I chased the little girls around the house and visited before the rest of the family got there.

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These two can empty a toy box in less than a minute.

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Who me?

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After the house got quiet, it was time for this mama to pack up the stockings.

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This one is for Lucy:

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For Jason (not pictured: pack of underwear. You’re welcome.)

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For Alianna. She’s an awesome gift receiver. Equally excited about the socks and the owl stickers.

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For me; yes I stuff a stocking for myself. (not pictured: pack of underwear. You’re welcome.)

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On Christmas morning I woke up around 9 but Jason and Ali slept until closer to 10. I made a little treat for Ali and I and she learned a new word: cocoa.

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Round 1: stockings and Ali’s presents from Mom and Dad.

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In addition to the stocking littles, Ali gets three gifts from us. (Side note: Jason and I gave each other a house for Christmas. And I recently got a new camera and he got a new computer; both for our work. Merry Christmas to each other!)

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Good morning! It’s Christmas!

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Something to play with: Mind of My Own by Frances England.

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Something to Read: The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler

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Something to Wear: “seaspray” Converse low tops

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New car from Grandma and Grandpa

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Yogurt as a finger food?

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We got to FaceTime with my brother’s family in PA. My parents were there for Christmas. My sister’s family was driving there at the time so we didn’t get to see them.

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Eli got a tractor!

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Jason got some egg poachers in his stocking we he tried them out for our breakfast.

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After morning nap she had a bath and got all dressed up for the rest of Christmas day.

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Sometimes “Where’s Ali?” is the only way I can get her to turn towards the camera but this is the facial response I get.

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Round 2 of opening presents. She got some great stuff from her aunts and uncles (my siblings in PA).

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This Leap Frog Phonics toy seemed to be Ali’s favorite of the day.

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Hmm, I might be realizing where Ali gets her “Ooooh!” face from.

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Jason’s parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece spent the afternoon and evening with us. There were lots more presents, little girls running around playing with new toys, and a delicious dinner of ham, chicken, brussel sprouts, roasted beets, macaroni and cheese, rolls, berry delight, pumpkin pie…mmmm…I’m getting hungry again. I didn’t take many pictures during all that fun but after dinner I took these.

My handsome husband:

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Ali checking out one of her new shirts.

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The FP Little People airplane was a big hit.

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Daniel and Ginger

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Daniel, Ginger and Eliza

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Papa showing Ali how to use Nana’s Nook

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Tongue out in concentration? That’s new!

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Jason’s parents: Papa and Nana

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We had a wonderful Christmas. I hope you did too!

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Merry Christmas!

12/25/2012

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Thanks for being readers and friends. Merry Christmas from our family to yours!


Merry Christmas Eve

12/24/2012

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve. We’re planning on our traditional Swedish meatballs and then I have a surprise gift tucked away with new PJs for all, a Christmas movie, popcorn and hot cocoa. I’m hoping to start a new Christmas eve tradition. Here are some photos from our last couple weeks of Christmas preparations.

I was excited to have this little elf to help me with cookie making this year.

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She loves pushing Dizzy all around the house.

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Ali helped me make the raspberry thumbprint cookies so she got to enjoy one of them fresh from the oven.

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And a peanut butter blossom, too, because what the heck. It’s Christmas. I decided she should get to eat way too many cookies like the rest of us.

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Sugar cookie cut-outs in the oven.

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Next year we’re going to get a traditional green tree for all of these fun and sentimental ornaments. This year to keep them safe I made a wall “tree” with command hooks and ribbon.

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We’ve been using the fireplace a lot so I was afraid to hang the stockings too close to the fire.

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This works!

 

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Our tree can’t support Christmas lights but it’s so sparkly when the sunlight shines on it that it glows!

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Ali woke up on Saturday morning, pointed to her head and said “hat.” She wore her Santa hat most of the day.

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I call this “scowl face.” I was trying really hard to get her to do it the other day so I could capture it in a photo but now she seems to think this is THE face to make for every photo. Haha!

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Merry Christmas Y’all!


Christmas Gift Ideas for a 17-month-old Girl

12/19/2012

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…or at least this one specific 17-month-old (in 2 days) little girl I know.

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We adopted a new tradition last year of giving three gifts: something to wear, something to play with and something to read. (Can you call something a tradition if you’ve only done it once before?) I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I LOVE Amazon.com. They sell just about everything and it’s easy to find items with free shipping. I did 40% of my Christmas shopping in less than an hour this year. The other 50% will be at Target and 10% random places. Rabbit trail… Here’s what I ordered our little punkin for this year.

Something to Read:

The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler, David Lee Csicsko

 

This book was recommended to me somewhere along the way. It’s a simple book but helpful to start talking about different skin colors whenever Ali starts to notice that we’re all a little different in skin color.

Something to Wear:

CONVERSE Kids’ All Star Ox Tod (Sea Spray 4.0 M)

My baby has small feet! She’s still between a size 3 and a size 4. We only have a couple of options that still fit in the size 3s and only a couple size 4s. These seem like they’ll be quite versatile in a neutral olive green. (The color I got is now sold out so no picture of it.)

Something to Play With:

Frances England’s Mind Of My Own

Ali loves music and pushing buttons so turning on her CD player is one of her favorite things to do everyday. We’ve been enjoying this album a lot on Spotify the past couple of months but I wanted to get her the physical disc so she can play it in her room, the living room, the silver bullet, wherever.

I’m also planning starting a new tradition this year of a Christmas Eve family gift of hot cocoa, a Christmas movie, new PJs and popcorn. And I always end up buying a wad of small things for our stockings: socks, chapstick, underwear, toothbrushes, candy, stickers.

I’m not the least bit concerned about Ali not getting any new toys from us this year. For one, she just got a bunch of “new” toys when we unpacked all of our boxes from storage and for two, her extended family will inevitably shower her with way too many wonderful gifts. 😉 With that in mind, here are some things I put on her Amazon wishlist.

At Ali’s 18-month Half Birthday, I’m planning a little celebration and to introduce her to a potty seat and the concept of potty training. She’s been very curious about the whole process lately. After reading lots of reviews, I decided on this seat:

Prince Lionheart weePOD Basix, Berry Blue

And this book:

Potty (Leslie Patricelli board books)

Because she’s so cute when we ask “What does a cow say?” and she answers, “Mmmmmm…” a bouncy, ride-on cow:

Trumpette Howdy Bouncy Rubber Cow, White

I had the awesome choking hazard FP Little People house, hospital and vacation travel set when I was growing up. (Shh…don’t tell the child-safe police that they’re sitting out at Grandma’s house!). Now they have these short and stubby Little People. I think Ali would like this house:

Fisher-Price Little People Happy Sounds Home

And the airplane, too. She’s good at hearing and spotting airplanes and we plan on taking her on her second plane trip next year. Plus, her daddy frequently travels by airplane for work so Ali’s very familiar with the airport.

Fisher-Price Little People Lil’ Movers Airplane

Ali is pretty into anything with wheels lately. She has a little matchbox car from a cereal box that she LOVES! I’m a big fan of Green Toys (like her tea set) so I put this pink and purple dump truck on her list:

Green Toys Dump Truck, Pink

Ali has a couple of small chairs but not a child-size table. I think it would be great to have one in our playroom for coloring and Play-Doh and other activities. This IKEA one would be an option.

IKEA Children’s Kids Table & 2 Chairs Set Furniture

When Grandma asked her what she wants for Christmas this year, she said “Baby,” so I have a feel she might be getting something like this:

Little Mommy Scrub A Dub Dub Baby Doll – New 2012 Version

Ali’s plastic-coated catcher bibs have been getting really worn out. I think I’ll throw a few more up on her wish list in case any relatives still needs ideas. 😉

Bumkins 3 Pack Waterproof SuperBib, Girl G14

Bumkins 3 Pack Waterproof SuperBib


Letting Go

12/18/2012

“Hug your baby tight when you get home,” a well-meaning friend suggested on Friday afternoon, hours after the unspeakable tragedy at Sandy Hook Hill Elementary School.

At some point every parent will come to a point when she realizes she doesn’t own her child, the child is not an extension of her but an independent creature and as a parent it’s impossible to protect our babies from every danger in the world. There is a risk of putting our children on such a high pedestal that we make them idols, treasured above the Life-Giver Himself. Abraham was guilty of such and God pushed him to the extreme to force first-born Isaac out of the god status Abraham had put him in. Let him go and entrust him to Me, or I will take him away.

As painful as it was, I’m thankful for the experience we had of almost losing Ali over a year ago in a bizarre placement battle through DCS. When we thought we had lost her, I buckled under the incredible pain. I broke for her, thinking she was about to lose her family a second time and her second chance of growing up with a father. I had no choice but to let go of my maternal grip of her… she was not mine. She did not belong to any person. She belongs to Creator Father God.

By a miracle, she was placed back into our arms and we walked out of courtroom with custody, dumbfounded. We let go of her because we had to, and God saw fit to give her back to us. I pray that I never forget that she is not MINE. I don’t own her. I’m entrusted with the responsibility and incredible blessing of being her mother. My love for her is deep and wide and it goes on forever. Everyday is a gift and tomorrow should never be taken for granted.

I will hug her a little tighter. Snuggle a little longer. And then I’ll let her go, take a deep breath, and trust the One who made her.

My heart is broken for the families in Newtown, CT who lost their loved ones. I’m praying specifically for the families of two of the children that God brought to my attention. Reading through the names of the victims, the name Olivia caught my eye, and then Benjamin. One of my best friends has two precious children named Olivia and Ben (who are thankfully safe and well) and when I thought about them, my heart crumbled. So, everyday I’m lifting up the Engel and Wheeler families as they’re walking through this dark and horrible tragedy. May the Prince of Peace, the Comforter, wrap them up in His arms this week and in the days to come.


The First Play-Doh

12/17/2012

Among the many toys unpacked from storage was a box of play-doh. When Ali pulled it off the shelf in the playroom, I decided it was time to introduce her to the squishy, doughy goodness. She’s not putting things in her mouth quite so much anymore so I figured she’d get to enjoy it for at least a minute or two before I had to take it away.

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I was right.

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“Ali, if you taste it again, Mommy is going to have to take it away.”

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Oh, this age of budding independence is interesting… Every time I give her an ultimatum, she tests it. If nothing else, she is learning that Mommy means what she says.


Bring Home the Bacon … for Christmas!

12/13/2012

It’s time to tell you about my favorite Christmas present from last year, in case you still need an idea for that hard-to-shop-for someone on your list. It’s not the gift that got the most use (that would be our Keurig) but it’s the one that has saved us hundreds of greasy paper towels and time cleaning a grease splattered stove, oven or microwave…which is pretty awesome. Gifted to me by my beloved.

Meet Piggy Wiggy the bacon tray.

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Microwave bacon trays are not hard to come by but I was searching high and low for one that had a lid. Without a lid the grease still splatters all over the microwave (or requires lots of paper towels), so what is the point? Then I found Joie Piggy Wiggy. Not only does it have a lid, it has a pink vented lid with a pig-face handle. It’s perfect. The grid on the tray allows the grease to drain off the bacon and everything is contained. No more throwing away 5 greasy paper towels just to cook a few strips of bacon. The grease can easy be dumped into a jar and the two parts scrub clean pretty easily. Did I mention it’s less than $10 with free shipping on Amazon? What are you waiting for … git one!


We’re Home!

12/11/2012

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Friday was moving day. It felt so different than when we’ve bought houses in the past…we would close at a title company, get our keys and let ourselves into our new, empty house. This time we’ve been in and out of the house almost daily for the past 6 months while it was constructed. On Friday Jason was cleaning the windows while I moved a few things over from my parents house. Then the last inspector from the city came and we paced around nervously while he walked through the house. Our site supervisor Scott put the last of 4 final inspection approval tags on the kitchen counter as he walked the inspector out. And that was it: we’re allowed to move in! Jason and I looked at the 4 final inspection tags on last time and gave each other a high five. Go time.

We met the movers at our storage unit and spent the rest of the day—the rest of the next several days, really—slinging boxes, moving furniture and unpacking. We are physically exhausted but oh-so-happy to be finally in our new home. I had hoped to sneak over early Friday morning and take final photos of a clean, empty house before we started moving in but it didn’t happen. Why? Because early Friday morning the tile guy, Peanut, was finishing grouting the fireplace and the bathroom; John, the painter, was doing touch-ups and Scott, our site supervisor/problem solver extraordinaire was putting the final touches on our front porch railings. In other words, the house was not clean or empty.

When we arrived back to our house, my mom had set up sloppy joes in her crock pot for us, as well as dropped off a bunch of food to get us through the first couple of days. She’s the best!

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After her afternoon nap, my parents brought Ali down to check out her new room. She hasn’t seen most of this stuff since she was 7 month old…so basically, she’s seeing it all for the first time. Who needs Christmas gifts!

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She was so excited about all the “new” toys that she climbed into her toy box.

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…and assembled:

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The first morning in our new house!

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On Day 2, my sister-in-law Ginger came over to help while my niece Eliza played with Ali. After they left, my parents and Jason’s parents helped us unpack and move more things from my parents’ house all day. It’s so wonderful to have such an awesome family to help us! I was too preoccupied to take many pictures on Saturday but I did snap this one of Ali. Nana (Jason’s mom) was unpacking a box with Ali and found some of my sunglasses…

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Day 3 in our new house: Sunday.

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Ali seems to really like her new room. It’s one of the most complete rooms in the house. All that’s missing are things that hang on the wall: pictures, book ledges, curtain rod, etc.

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Ali also seems to love her playroom (AKA the den) and it’s nice to have 2 rooms in the house that are mostly kid-safe.

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The hall bathroom is for Ali and guests:

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The living room is pretty much a big mess because the two couch pieces of our sectional and an armchair are being used in a home staging project. They’ll be back in a few weeks. I’ve been meaning to write about that. I’ll do that soon…

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Meanwhile, this is our makeshift couch: a pile of old blankets and pillows on the floor. Lucy approves.

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LuLu can be a very anxious dog but she seems to be adjusting really well. To my knowledge she hasn’t peed on anything or had any seizures so that says a lot for her.

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The kitchen is almost mostly complete, however it’s still a big mess because it’s the heart of the house. (Note the tool box and cleaning supplies on the counter, the step ladder in the dining room.)

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I really, really love how the kitcehn came together.

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We’re planning to add a tile backsplash at a later date.

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The coffee and tea bar is pretty much my favorite thing ever.

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After three days of hard work, we decided to use our last bit of energy on Sunday night to set up the TV so we could properly relax. It involved a mount that fixes to the concrete fireplace with a floating shelf below the TV. I’ll tell you about that later. We don’t have cable or internet yet, but we could use the DVD player so we found our box full of Seinfeld DVDs.

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Random: Any Nashvillites interested in a beautiful, big, heavy gold vinyl sleeper sofa? I was planning to use it in the den but it’s too big for that room so we’re selling it. It’s on craigslist for $100. Sold! Thank you to Mark and his wife. I hope you enjoy it!

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