Alianna at 2 years 1 month old

08/26/2013

Ali Mae, you have grown and changed so much in the past month! You’re back to being an only child again after 3 months as a foster sister to Buzz. Right after that transition happened, I started working my way down my to do list (things to accomplish while we don’t have any foster placements in the home) which included some big changes for you. I turned your crib into a bed. I’m currently second-guessing that decision and we may go back for a while… You became potty trained for the most part, though we still have to remind you. The concepts of wet/dry have been learned pretty well. You started preschool two days a week and you are loving it! Every time we pick you up you’re having a blast dancing with your classmates and you say “I love you!” to your teachers when we leave. You’ve been talking more and more lately, often in sentences and starting to say some really funny things. Sometimes you get the order of the words mixed up, for example “I want cookie too Ali.” You have learned all of your colors (thank you Preschool Prep!) and are currently working on numbers and letters. There is no rush, of course. You have plenty of time before you need to have those things mastered. Because I’m a designer and Daddy’s a musician, we get particularly excited when we see you interested in art and music. We recently walked around the Parthenon replica at Centennial Park and when we walked up the back steps you looked up and said, “Deautiful.” You repeated it several times. That’s the first either of us have ever heard you describe a place or sight as beautiful. A couple days later we went into West Elm and your interior design loving parents were again amazed to hear you say it as you took in the atmosphere of the store. Music is also a big part of your day. Every time we get in the van you say, “music please” … repeatedly until we respond. At night you request “daddy’s music” on your CD player and often turn it on by yourself. Daddy set up a keyboard for you in the playroom which you love to play with and refer to as the “pino,” like pinot. We often catch you singing ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle and other simple songs all on your own, as well as singing along with the radio and CDs in the car. I love that your imagination seems to be growing and getting more creative while you play, too. You’ve always been a content and happy child mixed with a good amount of drama and passion. Lately your emotions have sometimes come bursting out so quickly that I think it’s catching even you off guard. We’re trying hard to be patient with you while encouraging you to develop self-control and regulation.

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Speaking of beautiful, happy and dramatic… we recently had dinner with two of your biological siblings and their mom. You three have a lot in common! You had fun dancing to music together and dressing up with accessories and generally just having a silly, wild time together after dinner. It had been around a year since we’ve seen them last (a crazy busy year for our family) but we plan to get together much more frequently in the future, now that all three of you are finally old enough to really play together.

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The other day while you were picking out your shoes, you said, “awesome.” I told you that I think you’re awesome. You responded, “Daddy’s awesome too, Mama.” I agreed and asked if you thought I was too. “Mommy’s awesome, too. Ali’s awesome, too.” I love you so much, Aligator. I think know being a mom would be so much fun. You make it way better than I ever imagined. You really are awesome, kid. I’m blessed to get to be your mom.

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Happy Adoption Day!

08/07/2013

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One year ago today this precious little girl became an Ahlbrandt. She is a blessing!

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Wow, one year feels like a long, long time ago!


Alianna Mae at Two Years Old

07/22/2013

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Ali, I have been looking forward to this birthday for a long time because I am tired of answering how old you are in months. We can now officially count in years! Your current foster brother, nicknamed Buzz here on my blog, is going to be three in two months. That means I can say we have two two year olds for now and it gets a lot of sympathetic responses like, “bless your heart!” and “you have your hands full!” We sure do. We didn’t really know what we were getting ourselves into when we accepted a placement for a little boy so close to your age. But God knew. As hard as it’s been, you guys have been so good for each other and have become best friends.

You are growing into beautiful, funny, loving, smart and outgoing little girl. You are friendly, polite and affectionate. You love music, dancing, jumping (high!), swimming, riding Dizzy, bubbles, wagon rides, slides, coloring, playing with friends and with your baby dolls and stuffed toys.  You always remind us to pray before meals, holding out your hands toward us and saying “pway.” Sometimes you pray: “Jesus. Thank you. Food. Amen.” Your current favorite book is Everyone Poops, which makes you giggle a lot. You also request Choco often, as in A Mother for Choco, which is  one of my favorites, too. You like to announce to everybody when “I toot!” You say dubbles instead of bubbles, meno instead of nemo, Nina instead of Nana, boop instead of book… I’ll miss those things when you finally get them all right. You’ve been really into counting and saying your ABCs lately, as well as Old McDonald Had a Farm and some other simple songs. We play our friend Phil King‘s album in the van a lot and you always sing along with “Fight On” and “Real Thing.”

This month Daddy and I took a 9 day vacation and left you with Grandma and Grandpa. I had never been away from you for more than one night at a time since you came to our home at 2 months old. I missed you a lot but we were able to FaceTime and send videos and photos back and forth which helped a lot. When we got back, I just wanted to soak you in. I delight in you, Little Girl! You are so fun and precious and sweet. I love to spend time with you. We brought you back a big stuffed broccoli toy (from IKEA) from our trip—your favorite vegetable ever since you were little—and you love it as much as I was hoping. I love that I know you well enough to know how to make you happy, although you’re such a joyful girl, you make it easy. You always answer that your favorite color is yellow so I planned your second birthday party around all things yellow. I’ll share about the party tomorrow.

You have a unique and powerful blessing on your life and Daddy and I love to see how the Lord unfolds your path. You are a very special little girl and for reasons beyond what we understand, God saw it fit to put you in our family. It was not random; it was not a mistake. Mountains were moved on your behalf and here you are with us now. We are so thankful and blessed to have you as a daughter. You bring so much joy and love to our home and our family. I love you, Alianna Mae!

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Your vocabulary is huge now and you’ll repeat just about anything so I’m not even going to try to mak a comprehensive list. Here are some common phrases and things you say:

I want to eat it.

Ali. Cookie. Just one. Just one.

Animal crackers. (100x a day)

Apple juice please. (100x a day)

I did it!/I want to did it.

I want to pee.

I peed! (in the toilet)

I love you Daddy/Mommy/Grandma/Grandpa/etc

Music please. (every time we get in the car)

I love music.

God bless you Lucy/Daddy/Mommy/etc.

Pray. Pray. Pray. Jesus. Amen.

Ali’s popsicle/shoes/flip flops/broccoli/hat/diaper/sunglasses/etc.

Awesome. (Always matter-of-fact; usually after a stunt on Dizzy)

JeeJee’s house! (when we drive past your buddy Jaron’s house)

Swimming/swim/Ali’s swimsuit (you LOVE to swim so you say it a lot)

Sorry Ali. (When someone else hurts you.)

Sorry/Thank you/Please (you are very polite)

Have more ______ please.

Only one/Just one. (how many cookies you’re requesting/how many bites of your cookie Daddy can have)

For my own records: At 2 years old, Ali is 33″ tall and 25 lbs. which puts her in the 25% percentile for both height and weight.


Three Little Words

07/18/2013

Have all my fellow foster parent friends read this? I think it should be required reading. It is a memoir by a young woman who was in foster care from ages 3-12 until she was adopted. She lived through some horrific foster homes and has become a voice and advocate for foster kids. Rocked my world. I finished this in 2 days while we were on vacation.

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I borrowed a copy from the library but you can buy it online here.


Project Restoration: Home Life Interview

07/01/2013

The June 2013 issue of Home Life magazine includes an interview with Jason and me, written eloquently by my friend and former co-worker, Lindsay Williams. She had the foresight (or it was a God-timing-thing) to interview us as we were preparing to reopen our home as foster parents earlier this spring. If she had waited a few months later, to when Buzz arrived, I’m pretty sure our brains would have been too scrambled to make any good sense. As it is, I read the article when it came out months after our interview and my scrambled egg brain said, “Wow? Did I say that?! We really sound like we know what the heck we’re doing and why!” In my exhausted-chaotic-new-foster-placement mental state, I actually encouraged myself. I didn’t know that was possible.

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The article is good and you should read it—not because we’re so smart, but because Lindsay made us sound so smart. She’s good!

Here are some of our original answers:

What prompted you to begin the process of becoming certified foster parents?

Martina: We had talked a few times about adopting “someday” but imagined it would be later in our lives when we were already seasoned parents. When we finally felt like we were ready to think about having kids (after being married 8 years…we married young!), I started researching adoption just out of curiosity. I looked at international adoption first but then found myself learning how the US foster care system works. I didn’t realized that there are no orphanages in this country; kids who are waiting to be adopted are usually in state custody, either at a foster home or in a group home setting. Long story short, God turned my curious searching into a growing passion and before we knew what hit us, we were crying over dinner and ready to take the first step toward becoming foster parents.

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Fostering is a totally different experience than becoming a biological parent. How do you mentally and spiritually prepare yourself to be a foster mom/dad? 

Jason: Fostering is very different from having children biologically, but this is a situational difference. The care, love, discipline, and commitment are often the same if not more necessary with a foster child who has a deficit in these areas. I would say, the single most important thing you can do for a foster child is love them like they were yours biologically. This is important even if they leave or you have knowledge that they will be leaving. These kids need the things that a healthy family can provide while their biological family gets life back on track. To give the kids anything less would be even more detrimental to their childhood. Needless to say, fostering is not a calling to take lightly. It requires everything you have, and a broken heart sometimes. That is the consequence of sacrificial love. It’s a requirement.

Martina: I think the biggest difference is the time to prepare. Biological parents have 9 months and a due date. We can take as much time as we want to prepare our home, our hearts, our minds but the “due date” is a complete surprise. It seemed just like any other day as we’re sitting down to dinner and then BAM—we got a phone call asking if we could take a placement of a 2-month-old little girl. An hour later, she was at our home and we were instant parents, again. That little girl is now almost 2 years old and was officially adopted into our family last August.

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How has your home become a place of ministry by taking in foster kids and now raising Ali as your own? Are there specific things you do in your home to make sure God has a presence in your house?

Martina: I’m reminded often of my shortcomings and inadequacy as a mom, but I try not to let that get me down. When I am weak, I know that God is strong. I know that God is mighty and able. He’s a good Father and He’s the one that equips me. He will not lead us into a challenge and then abandon us—He provides what we need each step of the way. To keep that perspective going, I try to spend time with God every morning while the rest of the household is still asleep and I welcome His presence into our home everyday. While we have an empty bedroom I also spend time in there most days praying for the kid(s) who will be there someday—for their safety now, for protection around their hearts, for preparation for them and for us for the time we’ll be together, for wisdom on how to love and serve them as a mom for as long as I have the chance, that they will come to know and experience Jesus in a mighty way.

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What would your advice be to someone considering becoming a foster parent?

 Martina: Connect with other foster parents however you can to get a realistic picture. Blogs, podcasts and email were my source because I didn’t know any other foster parents when we started out. If your life feels chaotic and out of control already, I don’t recommend becoming a foster parent. Most of all, pray and seek the Lord’s guiding for your family. Don’t be afraid to call an agency today for more information. There is a huge need for more foster parents in the US and over 100,000 kids currently waiting to be adopted out of foster care.

Jason: Foster Parenting is really a desire that comes from a calling on us to affect the culture. Christians need to understand that if we’re going to make a significant impact, we also need to extend Christ’s love to the children. For better or worse, our government understands it starts with kids. So did countless dictators and revolutionaries. That’s the negative side, but we can make a serious change for our future generations by sowing into children. Want to see a change in our culture as it pertains to drug use? Teenage pregnancy? Murder? Incarceration? Invest in a child.


Two Long, Simultaneous Processes … Complete.

05/02/2013

It’s no coincidence that we started the process of building a new home and adopting Alianna at the same time. She arrived at our lovely little ranch home in September 2011 and we learned pretty quickly that she was going to need to be adopted. Although we anticipated we’d be fostering for a while before adopting any child, we were thrilled to move in that direction with the precious little girl we rapidly fell in love with.

But, we still hoped and planned to continue fostering kids who need a home and substitute parents for short or long term and we realized we were going to be limited on bedroom space and options for kids. We would have only been able to accept a placement of a girl who could share a small bedroom with Ali. So that’s why we began the process of moving to a bigger home. Originally we were going to buy an old fixer-upper so we could stay in our already established, historic neighborhood. When a rare piece of property came available (due to a house fire and then demolition of the previous home), my dad convinced us to consider building a custom house. The land was 7 houses down from my parents’.

We put an offer on the property before knowing for sure that we’d be adopting Ali. In November 2011, we got custody of Ali (through a dramatic turn of events that you’re well familiar with if you’ve been around here long), purchased the property for our future home, put our current hom on the market and started talking to architect Ryan Thewes to plan our new house. Eighteen months later both processes finally wrapped up. How about that?! If you’re a nerd for dates and timelines, here’s a breakdown of both of these processes that ended up running side by side.

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I feel an unexpected amount of closure. Two major, life-changing process have just completely wrapped up.

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Now what? Seems like time to start a new adventure…


A Gut-Wrenching Adoption Story

04/08/2013

I love to cry over a good adoption story. What can I say. I get adoption and it gets me. Every time. So I was thrilled to discover the Archibald Project. It’s produced by a couple that documents families’ adoption stories with video and photography. Great quality photos and videos to go along with great adoption stories? I’m there. One story in particular has really been wrecking me lately.

The Via family.

When I started watching their documentary, it sounded like many other adoption stories. They felt called to adoption and decided to add to their family of 5 by adopting a fourth child from Uganda. They were matched with a precious little girl named Chloe. But then their story takes an unusual twist.

Check out the video for yourself. You won’t be sorry.

Through a turn of events that I don’t know enough about to explain, the US government repeatedly denied Chloe access to come home to her new family in the United States. What would you do if your child was stranded somewhere…halfway across the world? To what great lengths would you go to get her, to bring her home? How hard would you fight? What would you be willing to sacrifice, to give up in order to have your whole family together?

The Vias were forced to ask themselves that question.

Their resolution: If they could not bring Chloe home, they would bring home to Chloe. They decided to pack up their lives in Raleigh, NC and move their family of 5 to Uganda so they could finally be together as a family of 6. Read their story and see lots of photos here.

This is the most beautiful picture of adoption I have ever seen. It blows all of the ill-minded pre-conceived notions about adoption out of the water. This was not about a family who just wanted a baby or a child. It was not about achieving a goal. It was not about a token piece for their family or making a statement about international adoption or transracial families. There was not one once of selfish motive. It was all about this: there once was a little girl who didn’t have a family. But she is an orphan no-more.

The Vias made it to Uganda and were united with Chloe. Go here to see the pictures of their airport send off, their travels across the globe and the beautiful moments their family of six was finally all together. 

Oooh! And just posted: Adjusting to life in Jinja, Uganda.

(In case it’s not obvious, the video below is an advertisement. Click on the links above to watch and read this adoption story at The Archibald Project website.)


God Bless This Home

04/04/2013

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I had a blog post written that I was going to post on Monday about how the processes of Ali’s adoption and building our new house had been occurring simultaneously since November 2011 and both got completely wrapped up last week when we received our daughter’s new birth certificate in the mail AND closed out our construction loan and began our conventional mortgage. BUT. The latter ended up not happening for a million frustrating reasons. It’s not going to happen this week or probably next week, either. It’s been a busy, stressful week around here and I’ve had moments of wanting to pull my hair out.

I needed to stop and remind myself of the truth. 

We live in this beautiful home—a blessing we never expected to experience at this point of our lives. God has given us favor over and over again in this process, just as He did with Ali’s adoption and back when she was in state care. He never leaves us or forsakes us. He never gives us more than we can handle. We have so much to be thankful for. In addition to our beautiful girl and our home, Jason and I have a great relationship, we have wonderful family and friends, we have jobs that we love, we have a kitchen full of food and closets full of clothes. We have more than enough; overflow to share. We are abundantly blessed.

We haven’t received any calls from DCS regarding foster placements yet. I’m surprised. Also, I’m relieved. Mainly because of the mortgage stuff. Also because of some upcoming travel. Even if we did get a placement, I’m sure we could overcome those challenges with a new temporary family member along for the adventure. It’s comforting to know that God’s timing is always perfect.


“Did you have a baby?”

04/02/2013

Kids are honest. I love how they just ask whatever they’re thinking about without any hang-ups. This conversation happened with my friends’ 3 year old son last year while we were visiting them. I wrote it down at the time but haven’t shared it until now.

Ben: Did you have a baby?

Me: Alianna is our baby. We have her.

Ben: Was Alianna in your belly?

Me, thinking: How the heck am I going to explain this to a three-year-old?

Me: No, she was in a different woman’s belly. She had a different mommy before she came to live with us.

That was the end of the conversation but I brought it up again later when his parents were present so they could help explain it to him. Ben has two younger siblings, the youngest was just a month old at the time so he understands that babies are in mommies’ bellies before they’re born.

A while back I also had a conversation with friends’ daughter who I think was about 7 at the time.

Ruby, admiring baby Alianna: Maybe one day you’ll have a baby of your own, too!

Me: Well, you know what? If we get to adopt Alianna, then she’ll be our own. She’ll stay with us and be part of our family forever.

Ruby: Big, delighted smile. Yeah!

It’s kind of amazing how a simple, honest answer satisfies a simple, honest question, isn’t it?

Have any of you other foster or adoptive parents had interesting conversations with kids about the process? Foster care seems particularly difficult to explain sometimes (without getting in too deep about abuse or kids getting taken away from their parents) but I haven’t had any negative experiences trying to explain the basics. What about you?

Related post:

Foster Care Terminology


Approval Letter: Ready or Not, Here We Go!

03/26/2013

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This came in the mail on Friday. Jason sent me a picture of the letter while I was at work. Totally non-chalant. He texted to say that Ali liked my chicken salad and “Just got the mail too.” He’s as cool as a cucumber about this whole thing, unless it comes to advocating for a child—then stay out of his way or you’ll get bowled over! But, seriously, how does he stay so chill about it?

My immediate reaction was freak out. I’m not ready!

Then I remembered, wait… yes I am. We’re going to be fine. We can do this. Deep breath.