Phone Photo Friday

09/30/2011

Surprise from a co-worker on Monday.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Precious Week 1, By The Numbers

09/29/2011

7: Number of days we’ve had our Precious 2-month old

1: Number of blow-outs that have required a bath and full wardrobe change. For both of us.

6: Number of days Jason was on the road during our first week. God has a funny way with timing the arrivals of our babies…

1: Bottle she came with

7: Total number of bottles we now have

1: Pacifier she came with

3: Pacifiers we now have

6: Bibs that Precious came with

26: Total number of bibs we now have thanks to family and friends

50: Approximate number of diapers we’ve gone through

30: Dollars worth of formula used in a week. At least.

7: Average number of hours slept straight through the night. Hallelujah!

15: Approximately how many giant, slobbery smiles we get a day

18: Average number of hours per day that a 2 month old sleeps

24: Ounces of formula a 12-pounder requires a day

4: Loads of laundry done this week (not too bad!)

8: Times I’ve cried this week between the Empowered to Connect conference, worshipping, missing Ladybug and grieving for Precious’s situation (9 if you count the onion I was cutting up for potato soup.)

4: Cups of coffee I’ve had (I’m NOT a coffee drinker)

6 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

The Attachment Dance

09/28/2011

Have I mentioned that I’ve been really emotional lately? At the Empowered to Connect conference last weekend Dr. Karyn Purvis showed this video to illustrate that the “dance” of attachment looks like between adoptive/foster parents and kids from hard places. It made me cry. That dog just loves his master so much! And she must be so committed to that dog!

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Empowered to Connect

09/27/2011

I wish I had some more artsy home-related projects to write about to balance out all this foster parenting business but I don’t. Our goal was to get the house pretty well de-projected before we started having kids since we knew we wouldn’t have as much time for crazy home renovations. So that’s where we are right now. Anyhow…

Over the weekend, my mom and I went to a conference called Empowered to Connect. The main speaker was Dr. Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child. It was without a doubt, the best conference I’ve ever been to. I feel like I learned SO MUCH. Dr. P is a great speaker and such a sweet, sincere, funny, smart woman. I think we all fell in love with her. The principles she teaches for parenting kids from hard places are really great. They are so love-based and wise. Also time-tested as she’s been using them with great results for over 30 years. Lots of  “duh” moments over the weekend, as I realized why a lot of conventional discipline practices are counter-productive with traumatized kids. I cried. I laughed. I really do feel more empowered to connect.

Here are a few little nuggets of goodness that won’t come close to doing justice to how great this conference was. Seriously, if you’re a foster or adoptive parent and you ever have a chance to hear Karyn Purvis speak: GO.

• It takes about 1 month of intensive care and training per year old the child is to reverse the affects of abuse, neglect and trauma. (Example: a 4 year old needs 4 months of focused attention to get to a place of earned secure attachment.)

• Bad behavior always has a purpose. What is the need that’s driving the misbehavior? Help your child develop a voice.

• Giving a child choices and compromises gives them a voice and returns their preciousness.

• Sharing power (through compromising, giving choices, etc.) proves that it’s your power to share; it doesn’t take it away.

• With a biological child, you have 2 years of saying “yes” 100,000x before you start saying “no” for the first time

• Say “yes” to your child as much as possible, especially during the honeymoon period

• If you cut your child off when you’re upset (through timeouts or silence), you are teaching him to do the same thing to you when he’s older rather than dealing with and resolving conflict.

• Always level your response at your child’d behavior, not their preciousness; never let your child’s preciousness be up for grabs.

• Regarding your facial expressions when you’re changing your child’s stinky diaper… “I want my children to know that even when they’re covered in their own *stuff*, they’re still precious to me.”

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Bottles… Baby Burping… Bear with me.

09/26/2011

Our first 4 days went really well with Precious,* our new little baby girl. (*Not her real name.) I’m learning lots about babies, bottles, burping, etc. She’s amazing. Very pleasant and easy going most of the time. Sleeps like a champ. Gives me the best gigantic, slobbery baby smiles. I have to say, at least in my limited experience, a 2-month old is SO MUCH easier than an almost 1.5 year old. I don’t mind a middle of the night diaper change and feeding when the ability to cook dinner, do dishes, clean up the house, etc. comes along with the package. I mean, I can set her down somewhere, sleeping or awake, and she doesn’t move. Ladybug required constant attention unless she was asleep.

Don’t get me wrong, Ladybug was an awesome child. I’m just saying, toddlers are way more challenging than newborns in my book. Speaking of Ladybug, we’ve been missing her like crazy the past few days. It was about 3 weeks between the day she left and the day Precious arrived. We had been doing pretty well, feeling pretty good, and when we got the call Jason pointed out that we really didn’t have a good reason to say no to this one. He said the only reasons he could think of where born out of selfishness. My only reservation was Is it too soon? I wasn’t expecting sadness to be stirred back up quite like it did by bringing in baby #2. Precious is great and our love for her is growing rapidly, but she’s not Ladybug and she isn’t going to fill the Ladybug shaped holes in our hearts. God, we miss that sweet little girl so much.

Now I’m crying. I’m tired and very emotional lately. Sheesh. I have no idea where this blog post is heading…

Let me at least end on a high note. I have the most amazing friends and family. Ahhhhmazing. We didn’t ask them whether or not they wanted to be strung along on this crazy journey with us but they’re right there with us anyway. Have I mentioned that Jason had to leave town the night Precious arrived? Of course I didn’t mention it because I don’t ever tell ya when he’s gone. So yeah. That’s a crazy coincidence. He was in Europe for a week when Ladybug arrived and the night we got Precious he had to take off for a long trip around the mid-west. He’s a wonderful daddy and he can’t wait to get back in the game here at home. While he’s been gone, though, my mom and his mom have been a HUGE help to me! My sister-in-law has been great with answering my questions since my niece is just 5 months older than Precious. Plus, she lent us a bouncy seat and a bunch of blankets and bibs. (This blog post is brought to you by the Letter B.) Also, a bunch of friends have been super kind and helpful, too. Precious is getting tons of love. Despite the sadness we’re still dealing with, overall things have been much smoother with this second placement. God is good.

8 Comments | Family, Family: Extended Family and Friends, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Ladybug, Family: Me, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Phone Photo Friday

09/23/2011

I wonder sometimes if Lucy rolls in something gross just so I’ll have to give her a bath.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Our Second Daughter

09/22/2011

The post from earlier today was actually written several days ago and scheduled for this morning. Right now, I’m eating the last of the bananas as I write this and I don’t feel any urgency to run out and buy more because… 2 month olds don’t eat bananas.

Right as we were sitting down to eat dinner last night we got a call for a baby girl. We felt like we were ready (enough) and didn’t have a good reason to say no, so we said sure! She got to our house around 7:45pm last night.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet but we’ve been doing great so far. She seems really pleasant and easy-going. She slept from 10-5 last night and then after a diaper change and a bottle, slept until I had to wake her up at 8:40 so we could get going with our day. She’s cute and fat and she likes to smile and make faces. Very different from a nearly 1.5 year old but I think this is going to be lots of fun, too.

I’m still working on coming up with a bloggy nickname for her. I have no idea at this point about the timeline or what to expect. Hopefully we’ll get a little more clarity about the situation in the next few days. As always, prayers are appreciated!

3 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparedness

09/22/2011

Thursdays have been my unofficial foster parenting update day. It’s been 3 weeks since Ladybug left. It’s been hard. Probably the hardest thing we’ve ever done. But considering all, we are doing well and moving forward little by little. A few days after our goodbye we left on vacation. The timing worked out perfectly for us to get away although we had been really hoping to take her to Disney World with us. The week away was a great distraction. The house felt so quiet and empty when we got home. We returned to a bit of a mess. Nothing major but you know, the typical post beach vacation 6 loads of laundry, pile of mail, tall grass, expired milk, stale house. You should always clean the house and make the beds before you leave on vacation. My mama taught me that. But I ran out of time and didn’t do it. So we came home to a filthy house.

By the end of last week our house was dusted, vacuumed and mopped. The refrigerator was cleaned out and restocked with groceries. The 6 loads of laundry were all put away. Mail was sorted. Bills were paid. It was such a relief. Not just to feel “caught up” but because I was feeling so unprepared for our next placement. Feeling physically prepared has really helped me start moving towards mental, emotional and spiritually preparedness.

We’ve been getting a lot of calls but all of the calls have been for school age kids. Not only are the kids a bit out of the parameters we’ve set up (birth-5 years old) but it was still a bit too soon for us. I think we’re almost there though.

(PSA: If you’ve been considering becoming a foster parent, please take the first step today and call a local agency to request more information. There seems to have been a big influx of school age kids into the state system due to the start of the new school year. The kids we have been called for have all been siblings between 5-12.)

When Ladybug arrived, Jason was away on a long trip and I was totally bumming around the house like a bachelorette. The floors needed vacuumed and I hadn’t been grocery shopping in a while. Those two factors made me feel so unprepared for her arrival. I didn’t even have a banana or Cheerios to give her for breakfast the next morning. (Thank God my parents live so close and could bring those 2 things over at 10pm!) I’m making it a point to always have bananas in the house from now on. I know it’s petty but it’s a tangible symbol of our preparedness.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Vacation Via Twitter (Not Really)

09/19/2011

I have a policy about not telling the internet world when we’re out of town so I don’t write much on Twitter during vacation. I did think about tweeting a lot though. Here’s what I would have said:

9/5/11 3:30pm We’re off to Naples! Or at least as far as we can drive tonight.

9/5/11 6:23pm Shared a delicious pot roast dinner at Cracker Barrel. Their service is so fast and good, cheap food, too.

9/5/11 6:59pm Cracker Barrel has more billboards than any other single company in the country. I learned that in an advertising class.

9/6/11 12:05am Cozy home away from home: air mattress in the back of the silver bullet. Yes, that’s right. We’re not paying for a motel to sleep for a few hours.

9/6/11 5:30am The sun is not up yet but we’re wide away thanks to the parking lot cleaner guy and his leaf blower. Back in the Wal-Mart to use the bathroom then we’re off to find a Starbucks.

9/6/11 1:22pm We arrived at our hotel in Naples. I drove the last 2 of 14 hours. Gotta do my part.

9/6/11 1:35pm It’s sunny and humid and beautiful. Straight to the beach we go.

9/6/11 4:47pm Complete relaxation this afternoon. No walking along the beach. No playing in the ocean. Just sitting and absorbing. Peace.

9/6/11 7:04pm Amazingly delicious and HUGE dinner at Cracklin’ Jack’s tonight. Fried Grouper was outta this world. It would have taken us hours to eat all this food. #vittles

9/7/11 We both got our ocean fix today. I got to ride waves and float around in the warm, sparkly salt water while Jason got to play beach explorer and found shells, sand dollars and crabs. I found some half-buried sunglasses.

9/7/11 8:10pm Dinner tonight was a surprise… the most we’ve ever paid for a meal. Surprise! Yelp has just $$ by this restaurant where it definitely should have been $$$. Cloyde’s was super, though. No complaints.

9/7/118:12pm I got the Chilean Sea Bass which was good but Jason got the surf and turf. The filet mignon was ahhmazing.

9/7/11 8:15pm “This filet mignon is so moist and soft it’s like cake. Meat cake.” – me

9/7/11 9:36pm We drove around looking for a good ice cream place and ended up back at the hotel ice cream less. Walked in and out of Reginas because we didn’t have cash. #getacreditcardmachine #youarelosingbusiness

9/18/11 9:04am Best Western Naples has a lovely poolside continental breakfast. We’re surrounded by palm trees, flowers and cute little lizards.

9/8/11 9:45am Checking out the Collier County free museum today. Mostly interested in the native plant garden.

9/8/11 12:11pm There are so many beautiful, modest mid-century modern ranches in Naples. It’s a shame they keep getting bulldozed to build beach mansions.

9/8/11 2:45pm Saw a blackish fin pop up in the water about a 100 yds from me. Moment of panic. Then I saw another fin and realized it was 2 dolphins. #relief #sharkavoidance

9/8/11 4:32pm It was supposed to rain all day but it ended up not raining at all. Another perfect beach day for the one who loves the water and the one who loves the shore.

9/8/11 9:01pm Tasty dinner at Grouper and Chips tonight. Not as good as Cracklin’ Jack’s but cheaper. Sat outside in the romantic neon glow of the OPEN sign.

9/8/11 9:03pm Stopped at Dairy Queen for ice cream just before a storm broke out. We were slightly disturbed by the sight of this shirtless man.

9/9/11 11:11am Hit around 10 thrift and antique stores today and nada. All gaudy, beach condo junk. The Emporium has a few exceptions. Thought seriously about a set of 4 dining chairs (only one w arms) for $350 but passed.

9/9/11 1:43pm Lunch at a delightful British restaurant downtown on 5th St. in Naples called the Jolly Cricket. Filet mignon sliders were awesome.

9/9/11 1:45pm We’re off to Disney World!

9/9/11 5:22pm Checked in to Disney’s Contemporary Resort after being interrogated by the nazi border patrol parking attendant. “Why are you here?”

9/9/11 5:45pm I think this is my favorite hotel room ever!

9/9/11 6:00pm It’s pouring. I’m not going out there.

9/9/11 6:30pm Rain is letting up so we’re hopping on the monorail into Magic Kingdom to meet up with our Disney rep. Ish who will get me up close to all the stages for photos.

9/9/11 1:00am Damp and exhausted but we had fun. Bands I photographed: Francesca Battistelli, Group 1 Crew (awesome stage show!) and Matthew West.

9/10/11 1:05am We also rode It’s A Small World and a handful of other Magic Kingdom attractions.

9/10/11 10:23am Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law Ginger! I hope it’s a great day!

9/10/11 5:15pm Resting at the Contemporary after a long day at Epcot. I think Mission: SPACE is definitely one of my favorites so far.

9/10/11 7:00pm Took the walking trail into Magic Kingdom this time. The plan tonight: Sanctus Real, rides, Kutless, TobyMac, rides.

9/10/11 11:55pm Got soaked in the front row of Splash Mountain. The line was too long for Space Mountain so we gave up. Another fun but exhausting day!

9/11/11 11:30am Today’s agenda: Animal Kingdom and then Hollywood Studios.

9/11/11 3:15pm A Bug’s Life 3D show is definitely another fav! Also the Africa Safari was pretty cool. Heading to Hollywood Studios now.

9/11/11 6:10pm We enjoyed the Star Wars 3D ride so much we went on it twice. Also my roller coaster hating husband LOVED the Rock n Roller Coaster! #adrenalinerush

9/11/11 9:30pm We’re all Disney’d out. Strange, beautiful lightning cloud on our way out. Lightning keeps repeatedly lighting up inside this cloud column…flashes and bolts.

9/11/11 10:55pm Watching the fireworks over Magic Kingdom in my pjs from our balcony at the Contemporary. Perfect end to our Disney World adventure. #ilovefireworks

2 Comments | Art, Art: music, Family, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Jason

09/16/2011

My love. My husband. My best friend.

What a year this has been.

You traveled the world by plane, tour bus and van.

Played on stages big and small.

I saw you on TV and in a magazine.

Your quiet confidence was never boastful

…except maybe about all the good food you ate on the road.

This year we became parents but not in the way we had expected.

Or planned. But an idea was planted in my heart and it grew.

I strategically brought up the need for foster parents in the US.

I secretly prayed that God would open your heart to this crazy idea.

You jumped in with both feet.

We sat through long, boring classes together.

Homework, physicals, blood tests, home studies.

You painted the bedroom and assembled IKEA furniture with me,

And then let me go hog-wild with the rest of the kids room design.

You were right by my side through every step.

Praying with me, for me, for yourself and for our future kids.

In July I got the phone call that changed everything.

You were in Norway but I knew what you would have said to this one.

The next morning you met your first daughter through Skype.

I watched you fall in love with her, grinning from ear to ear.

It was the first time I had seen her smile and say hi in her first 12 hours.

Three days later we picked you up from the airport.

It was getting late but you wanted to take your little girl to the park.

You pushed her on the swing and chased her through the grass.

As I stood back to observe and take photos, I was witnessing a transformation.

You became a daddy right before my eyes.

In your strong arms she felt safe immediately.

She was stand-offish with some new people but never with you.

You taught her what a father’s love looks like; what Daddy means.

And I fell in love with you all over again.

We taught her how to kiss. It took 2 weeks and several demonstrations.

I’ll never forget when you called me at work at say,

“Guess what I got?”

A kiss! Her first kiss was reserved for her daddy.

I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

On September 1st we walked into a courthouse carrying our first baby girl.

And walked out without her.

We clung to each other as we went down the steps and crossed the street.

I’m not sure who was holding up who as we tried to hold back the tears a little longer.

Then we cried together.

This past year has been wonderfully difficult and full of joy. A beautiful mess.

You have grown so much as a man.

I am endlessly proud of who you are,

And thankful to call you my husband.

Happy 29th, Jason.

1 Comment | Family, Family: Jason | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

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