“The Call”

07/21/2011

We got our first call yesterday. The sweet placement worker called Jason, thankfully, because the adrenaline rush makes my ears pound. He talked with her for a few minutes on the phone, walking into the room where I was working. I raised my eyebrows as I heard him explaining that we’re only set up for 2 kids and that we have a crib and a twin bed. He held up 3 fingers to me and raised his eyebrows back.

He told her we’d discuss it and get back to her. Three young siblings. Outside of the boundaries we set up. It was an easy decision, really, an obvious answer, yet we still discussed and pondered and prayed about it all afternoon. Ultimately, we knew what we had to do. But it wasn’t easy.

I got her voicemail when I called back. It felt so petty and heartless when I heard myself say “I hope you do find a good home for them.” As if they’re puppies. My tears for those three little ones won’t do anyone any good but I do believe prayer works and I’m asking God to open up the perfect home for those three young siblings.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

“Am I struggling with infertility?”

06/23/2011

Alternate Title: Why We’re Foster Parenting

I’ve been asked this question a few times lately in regards to our foster parenting motives and we suspect many other people are wondering (or making assumptions) but not asking. So, here’s my answer: no.

I know this an be a sensitive matter to some people so I’ll tread lightly; this is just my personal position on the matter. There are two parts to that phrase “struggling with infertility.” I’ve haven’t, in recent years, been tested for or officially diagnosed with any reproductive problems. I suppose some people would consider not getting pregnant after a year of “not trying not to”—as we like to put it—to be infertility. I have no use for this label as I’m not interested in treatment for this problem… because I’m not treating it like a problem. Either I get pregnant or I don’t—Jason and I have chosen to leave that up to God. We are completely at peace with that. So am I struggling? I hope it’s obvious that I am not.

There were times last year when I struggled a bit. After medically preventing babies for a decade, letting my body “reset” to it’s natural rhythm was interesting. At times I thought I had it figured out and I could control what would happen. Other times I was frustrated and bewildered. With my husband’s gentle urging I chose to really, fully let go of control of this area of our lives and trust God with it.

That was about a year ago. At that point, I never would have guessed that Jason and I would now be on the cusp of becoming foster parents. It just wasn’t on our radar at all. We figured we’d have a couple babies, build an addition on to our house, then maybe adopt a little girl from China. Or something along those lines. I can see how it might look from the outside like we’re substituting foster parenting for infertility treatment. After all, becoming foster parents certainly was part of the bursting of my perfect life plan bubble. But desperation to have children, it is not. God had other plans for us. If I had gotten pregnant right away, I probably wouldn’t have been interested in considering adoption or foster care at the point when God opened our hearts to the need. Somehow that little seed grew into a passion.

Honestly, I’m so busy with everything else going on in my life right now that I really couldn’t care less whether or not I get pregnant. Sure, if it happened we would be excited and happy. But if it never happens, that really is A-ok with us. What I’ve been learning—and believe me, I’m not all the way there yet!—is that this really isn’t about me and what I want. This, this life (marriage, family, work, friendships…) is not all about me getting what I want. As a Christian, if I want God to use me for something big, it’s essential that I grasp this concept. Foster parenting for Jason and I is not about “getting” kids because we just want to be parents. It’s about kids that need some adults to step up and be parents and to love on them. A couple of artists from East Nashville that like gardening and thrift store shopping just might be the perfect fit for some kiddos going through a really rough patch in their young lives.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Overdue

06/22/2011

Last year Jason and I celebrated 7 years of marriage and 11 years since our first date. It was our 7-11 year. I had been wanting to get some professional pictures done. It was time; we hadn’t had any done since our wedding. Sitting in front of a backdrop at a department store isn’t our thing so we commissioned our friend Beth Rose, who is an awesome photographer, to do some lifestyle portraits for us. And I had the perfect idea. A 7-Eleven photo shoot. I envisioned a local Slurpee selling gas station as our setting. Problem is, there aren’t ANY 7-Elevens in Nashville. None in Atlanta where we go to IKEA. None in Naples, FL where we went on vacation last year. None in Cincinnati where we frequently visit our friends. So I shelved the idea. Then, over Christmas we planned to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Emmaus, PA. Before our trip, I looked it up and sure enough, there is a 7-Eleven right near his house. I had a new solution: bring Slurpee cups back home and do the photo in Nashville in the spring. BR was game. (The cup designs exceeded my expectations!) I convinced myself that as long as we did the shoot before May, it was technically still our 7-11 year. But, I’m overdue in sharing these since we’re now absolutely in our 8-12 year. Ah well. But now that you know the back story, the cups will make sense.

(Cup-free pictures were posted here.)

I’m thinking of getting one of the three above (where the cups are prominent) blown up to poster size for something funky/different for the house. Leaning towards the 2nd from the bottom. Do you have a favorite?

All photos by Beth Rose Photography bethrose.com

5 Comments | Art, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

A Picture of Our Lives Right Now

06/15/2011

I may have over-promised by calling this a funny story. We’ll see… if nothing else it’s a long story.

Last week when I met with our home study writer for my individual interview, we realized that Tuesday was our only option for the next/last appointment. I opened Jason’s calendar to June 14th and said, “Oh, that’s our anniversary.” Ms. Lady insisted we couldn’t have our appointment then. “But it’ll only take an hour, right?” I suggested. I mean, we’re not real fancy anniversary celebrators anyway. We go out for dinner. Sometimes exchange a small gift or a card. Well, she was not having it. No way was she going to interrupt our anniversary evening. It’s an off-deadline (less intense) week at my work so we settled on Tuesday morning and I’d work from home the rest of the day.

Jason and I have a tradition of getting either fondue ($$$), usually at the Melting Pot, or sushi ($), usually at RuSan’s, on our anniversary. It’s a ($) year so we made tentative plans to go out to a movie with our Living Social coupon (2 tix for $9!) and get dinner at RuSan’s, our favorite sushi place. Perfect, easy date night.

Then, on Monday I got a call from our electrician asking it was OK if she came Tuesday evening. I hesitated for a few seconds, then said, yes. Why? Because 2 weeks ago, while Jason was installing a new track lighting system in our kitchen, we had an electrical explosion. (See picture above.) The result was some burned 50-year-old+ wiring and no lights in 2/3 of our house. (The problem was likely some brittle old wires had been arching and eventually touched.)

(Our temporary bathroom light)

It took a week and a half for our schedules to line up so the electrician could even get out to our house to diagnose the problem. (Rightfully so, people who don’t have power to essential appliances like A/C or refridgerators get priority.) So when she asked if she could come Tuesday night, you better believe I didn’t mention to her that it was our anniversary.

(Running power to my cloffice)

Change of plans. Since I was working from home yesterday, after our 20-minute home study appointment Jason and I exchanged gifts (he got me a handmade-with-local-stone necklace and earrings from his recent trip to Alaska) and I gave him this “card.” Then, we dropped off my car to get the brakes fixed. After work, we went out for a geriatric dinner (translation: it was 4:30 pm) at RuSan’s so we could be back in time to meet the electrician at 6:30pm. And guess what? She got caught up longer than expected at her previous job and wasn’t able to make it out last night. Sigh.

(My pretty present from Jason)

Jason asked me if this was all ok. My response: This is a perfect picture of our lives right now. And a memorable (though not bad) 8th anniversary for sure!

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Posted by mahlbrandt

8 Years

06/14/2011

Happy Anniversary, Jason. You are my best friend, my biggest encourager, my rock. You make me laugh and feel loved like no one else. I think we’re a great team. Like peanut butter and jelly, you and me. I’m so glad to be by your side on this crazy adventure! I’ll forever be your wifey and you’ll always be my right hand man.

All photos by Beth Rose Photography bethrose.com

(One more photo and “8 Things We’ve Learned in 8 Year” here.)

A funny story about how we celebrated our anniversary will be coming tomorrow.


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Posted by mahlbrandt

Free Marriage Advice: 8 Things We’ve Learned in 8 Years

06/08/2011

(Photo above is by Beth Rose Photography. Hopefully I’ll have a bunch more to share from this shoot soon!)

As our 8th wedding anniversary approaches (it’s Tuesday!) I thought I’d share some nuggets of marriage goodness Jason and I have gathered the past few years. In our opinion, we have a pretty awesome marriage. We’re not marriage experts but you get what you pay for! Here we go:

1. Share a sink
Now, if your master bathroom already has two sinks you might as well use them. But Jason and I always thought it was pretty silly when some couples go through a lot of trouble to make sure they each have their own sink. We also have one relatively small closet. It’s about sharing. It’s about moderation. These are important values to us.

2. Turn off the car radio
Actually, it rarely gets turned on in the first place when we’re together. It’s not a “rule” but just something that we’ve gotten in the habit of. Jason and I have had most of our best discussions in the car. The uninterrupted alone time is precious and perfect for debating, dreaming and digging into important issues.

3. Do home repairs together
Not only do DIY projects save money and increase our skills, they force us to work together as a team. Sometimes we get frustrated, grumpy, tired but we’re able to encourage each other, brainstorm and troubleshoot, and ultimately celebrate our finished project together.

4. Don’t let each other get away with crap
We have chosen to lovingly, gently hold each other accountable. It’s been a process learning the “lovingly, gently” part of this and even more so, how to receive the constructive criticism without defensiveness. It’s one of the greatest gifts we have given each other. No one cares more about your personal success than your spouse.

The next 4 are things we were told before we got married so we can’t take any credit for these ideas:

5. Go on date nights
I think it was my parents that suggested this. Even though we don’t have kids yet, date nights have proven to be worth the extra commitment on our budget sheet. Sometimes we really just need some time away together that doesn’t involve work (dishes, cooking, tiling, gardening, etc.). We always come back home feeling more in love.

6. Pray together / pray for each other
“Couples that pray together, stay together” is the old saying and apparently it’s statistically true, too. I can’t say we’re great at making time to pray together but praying for each other is a huge priority in our house. It means so much to me when I catch Jason praying over me at night (when he thinks I’m sleeping). And I know it blesses him knowing that I get up early most mornings and spend time praying for him in his studio.

7. Be the first to say you’re sorry
Because being right and holding your ground really isn’t worth it.

8. Don’t quit your marriage
Way to end on a high note, huh? Seriously, I think all marriage couples have times—fights, incidents, rough patches—that make us want to just walk out the door and never look back. Humans are selfish by nature. We want what we want, when we want it. We’ve never allowed divorce or separation to be an option worth considering. It’s just out of the question for us. We have to make a choice to resist selfishness everyday and to put each other above ourselves. That is love.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Martina’s Childhood Favorite Toys: Handmade Barbie Furniture

05/31/2011

It would be hard for me to chose what my true favorite toy was but I certainly loved playing house. Thousands of hours were clocked playing with my Fisher Price Little People, you know the small, choking-hazard ones from the 80s? I had the tudor house, the SUV and camper, the hospital, the tractor, the school bus and of course lots of Little People. My mom still has these but she insists they stay at her house. She did, however, hand over the boxes labeled in colorful markers and glitter “Martina’s Stuff” containing all the handmade plastic canvas Barbie furniture gifted to me by my Granny.

I had forget just how many pieces there were in this set. Granny must have spent many hours making all of this for me. I feel very blessed that I had it. I didn’t get interested in Barbies until late elementary school days. My best friend Michele and I would set up huge Barbie cities in my basement and spent hours playing.

The two [barely] surviving Barbies have seen better days. Naked, chopped off hair, and both missing a hand due to a tragic dog attack. I think I’ll be on the lookout for some decent clothed Barbies at yard sales this summer.

Let’s go on a little tour of the Barbie house. Note, anywhere you see drawers or cabinet doors they’re functional! Here’s Barbie’s bedroom with a bed, rug, dresser with mirror, vanity chair and table, and a room divider screen:

The kitchen with area rug, china cabinet, corner hutch, stove and table with gingham tablecloth:

I love the blue vintage style stove with heart details:

The formal dining table with white lace tablecloth and 4 chairs:

The living room with area rug, fireplace, love seat with pillow, arm chair with matching footstool, coffee table, end table and floor lamp.

There is also an entertainment center for the TV, stereo and speakers:

I wonder if our kids will recognize this brown box with a picture on it as a TV:

Like Jason’s Definitely Dinosaurs, I’m really glad my mom saved this furniture for me, that it’s still in great shape, and that it’s pretty indestructible for our kids to play with. Too bad Granny hadn’t used her own house for inspiration and made this furniture mid-century!

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Baby (Child) Shower for a New Foster Mom

05/18/2011

A couple weeks ago some friends threw me a lovely “Baby” Shower. It’s kind of unusual circumstances; at least in my circle of friends it’s the first shower for a foster mom that I’ve ever heard of. There definitely have been a lot of things we’ve needed to purchase to prepare and we’re just like expectant parents in a lot of ways. It was very sweet and generous of these friends (and family) to bless us. My friend Jenna hosted the shower at her house with the help of my sister-in-law Ginger and another friend Katelyn. Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of the three of them (or me)! Boo.

Jenna took these pictures of the decor. The food table was decorated with books. Tons of books (for us)!

Foam letters were super cute as window decorations and will be fun bath toys for the littles:

Jenna also crafted this sweet mobile:

The food for the shower was make-your-own ice cream sundaes. Hello! All kind of yummy toppings and waffle cone bowls. Yummo!

Angela (and baby in the belly) and my mom:

My mother-in-law enjoying a sundae. (Sorry I didn’t get better pictures.)

Rachel, my niece Eliza and my mom. At least half the pictures I took were of my niece. What can I say, Aunt Martina is enamored!

Leila with Eliza. Leila is soon to become a new mom through infant adoption. I hope we’re throwing a shower for her soon!

Everyone brought a book signed with a special message instead of cards. Between these special books and the ones used as table decorations, we now have a great book collection for our kiddos. I love Dr. Seuss. Yay!

I got all kinds of thoughtful and generous gifts. My mom put together a medical kit from Nurse Memaw and paid for our first car seat. My mother-in-law gave us a gift card for Amazon.com (where I’m keeping a wish list of kids stuff!) and my sister- and brother-in-law paid for the crib I’ve been drooling over for a while now:

This shop & play cover from Angela was a very clever gift and one that hadn’t occurred to me. It’s a shopping cart cover and a restaurant high chair cover. It can also be used as a play mat. Plus it’s farm/fruit/vegetable theme since we love to garden.

I love the compact portability of this booster seat from Rachel. If we get an infant or young toddler we might also want to get a foldable high chair with a tray.

Leila got us finger paints and bath toys. Get covered in paint and go straight into the tub. I like the way she thinks!

Angela also gave us this sweet baby blanket. Animals on one side and blue, green and tan stripes on the other. Perfect match!

Jenna and Katelyn got us this awesome pack-n-play with a bassinet and mobile option. I love the pattern.

My favorite big sister, who is also a soon-to-be mama, sent me this fun stuff from my Amazon wish list. I am really excited about this puppy backpack. I can’t wait to see one of our little ones bopping around with it on his or her back. Also, magnetic cabinet locks, outlet covers, and a chalkboard eraser and dustless (!) chalk for our chalkboard door.

And my sister- and brother-in-law keep giving us random things like a set of Mrs. Potato Heads, play doh, baby wipes and a sound machine/night light for a crib. I can’t keep track of it all. Needless to say, we are very blessed! We’ve got the greatest friends and family. I’m so excited to welcome these special kids into our lives. They’re going to be surrounded with an instant community of love and support.

6 Comments | Art, Art: kids room, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Extended Family and Friends, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Me | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Just Across the Way

05/10/2011

Sorry for the lack of blogging yesterday. We’ve been busy, y’all! Buying a minivan, painting our kids room, demolishing and retiling our fireplace, fixing up our pergola, going to our LAST foster parent certification class… Lots going on but I haven’t had time to go though photos and write up blog posts about it yet.

Here’s a funny story. When I looked up on Google Maps where the Department of Children’s Services office was located, I was surprised to see it was right by the apartment we lived in when we first moved to Nashville. (Our address was 1000 1st Avenue North, Nashville, TN. Cool, huh?) Last night during our last class, I looked out the window behind me and realized our apartment was RIGHT THERE. Right across the parking lot. I could practically see the door. How strange is that?! I feel like something in my life should have been coming full circle at that point but I’m not sure what.

I’m not shocked that I never noticed the DCS office. We lived in that apartment for 7 months and never realized we were within walking distance of the Farmer’s Market and Bicentennial State Park.

I loved living downtown. I’m so glad we did. We live about 4 miles from this apartment now which is the perfect distance for us. At this point, it would be nearly impossible to give up our house with our own 4 walls and roof, our yard, our garden, our patio, our neighborhood, our washer and dryer…

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Posted by mahlbrandt

The Long & Short of It: We are Becoming Parents

04/21/2011

You read that right the other day (if you made it all the way to the last line), Jason and I are becoming foster parents. I feel the need to explain why we’re doing this crazy thing. It’s not because we can’t have kids biologically or that we’re impatient with trying (though that might be a valid reason for some people.) It’s not because we want to adopt and becoming foster parents is an easier and cheaper way to do it (though it is definitely cheaper and in some ways might be easier.) Our reason is ultimately because God has called us to do this. He has put it heavily on our hearts the past few months and has made it clear that this is His plan for us. We probably will have kids biologically some day. We probably will adopt one day. But today, we are moving down the path of becoming foster parents.

Our pastor Lindell Cooley often says God can’t steer a parked car. Jason and I have talked about adoption occasionally over the last decade but this past year we started researching it and talking about it more. Through online exploration we found our way to foster care and I felt a new door creak open in my heart, revealing a passion God had been quietly working on for many years. We talked about it, prayed about it and took the first step of faith by calling around to the local foster care agencies to find out where we’d be a good fit and how to get started. The car moved into drive and God has been steering it ever since. It’s picking up momentum and we’re fully trusting Father that it’s going to be an exciting, amazing ride, and though scary at times, we know He is in control and lovingly directing us.

——————–

Here’s how it works, in case you’re as unfamiliar with the foster care system as we were a few months ago. When child abuse or neglect is discovered kids are removed from their parents and taken into state custody. The state makes every effort to locate another family member or family friend who can care for the kids. If no family member can be found, the kids will be placed with foster parents who are licensed and trained by the state. The goal in almost all cases is for the kids to eventually be reunified with their birthparents. The birthparents are given an outline of the aspects of their lives that need to get in order over a certain timeline so they can get their kids back. There is a real ministry opportunity for foster parents to build relationships with birthparents to encourage them and cheer them on towards restoration of their family. A judge with the guidance of case workers and lawyers will determine if and when the kids can be returned to their birthparents. If the parents are unable or unwilling to comply with the courts, sometimes their parental rights are terminated. (Around 25% of the time.) At that point, the children become legally free to adopt and the state tries to find a permanent home for them. The foster parents are typically the first choice if they are willing to adopt because the kids already have formed healthy, loving attachments there.

Our plans are to open our home up to a child or sibling set of 2 (they try really hard to keep siblings together) up to age 5. We understand and support that the goal in most cases is for the kids to be reunified with their parents. However, if we are caring for any kids who become adoptable, we will likely adopt them. The state covers all costs for adoption and offers foster parents a daily stipend to assist with costs for child care (food, clothing, medical expenses, etc.) There is minimal monetary cost to us through this process but the potential emotional cost is high. We have 3 more weeks of training, then 30 days or so of home studies. We should be certified and can take our first placement by sometime in June.

The most common reason I hear for why someone says they could never be  foster parent is that it would hurt too much to fall in love with a child and then have to let him or her go. I know it’s true. It will hurt. It will probably tear our hearts out. It might just kill us. Maybe everyday. I’m pretty sure that’s God’s plan. Because the more we die, the more He can live in us and through us. These kids need the kind of unconditional love, acceptance, healing, restoration, patience, forgiveness and joy that we, in our human limitations, cannot offer. But God can. He is more than able to take care of His babies. He will take care of these dear little ones. He will take care of us. He will take care of you.

——————–

How you can help:

Pray for us. We’ll take all the strength, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, energy, unity, etc. that God is willing to pour out.

Pray for the kids. There are approx. 9,000 kids in foster care in Tennessee right now. And probably many more who are in abusive situations that have not yet been reported. Pray for their safety and protection. Pray for their salvation. Pray that they would be moved to a better situation. Pray against fear, bitterness, lies from the enemy.

Pray for the parents. Pray for wisdom and good decisions, for restoration and salvation. Pray for humility to ask for help and resources to meet their needs and their kids needs.

Pray for more foster and adoptive parents. There are kids here in Tennessee and every state, babies not yet born all across the US, and children all around the world who need homes. I can’t wait for the day when there are waiting lists of foster parents in this country because there are more safe homes ready to accept children than there are hurting kids who need loving parents. I believe it will happen someday. I’ve heard a statistic that if 1 family out of every Christian church in the United States would foster children, there would be no more kids waiting for homes in this country.

——————–

Will this affect my blog? Yes. How—I’m not sure yet. Even though my blog tagline is “musings on a life inspired by art, faith and family” I realize most of my posts are home related. Foster parenting weighs heavier on the faith and family side of things, however art is infused through every aspect of our lives and our home is our favorite canvas. For now, I’m planning on writing about our foster parenting journey at least once a week. We’re currently in the rapid-pace process of education and training, going to appointments, and filling out stacks of paperwork. We are also in hyper-nesting mode preparing our home with projects (like the chalkboard door, repainting the nightstand, finishing up the fence) and researching and shopping for kid stuff (like strollers, cribs, beds, car seats, toys). So I’ve got plenty of bloggy material, is what I’m saying. If you’d like to hear more or less about our foster parenting adventure, please let me know in the comment section below.

(Image above is from Petit Collage. I won a gift certificate for the shop from Design Mom last year and got this alphabet poster among other things.)

10 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

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