Everything changes…

08/02/2011

when you love some, love some, love someone… (Cue the Kathy Troccoli song from the 80s)

In this case, I’m busy loving someone 2.5 feet tall. I can’t tell you her name or show you a picture, sorry. But trust me, she is absolutely beautiful! On Thursday night we were placed with a little girl. She is so sweet, silly, playful, cuddly and fun. She’s a great eater and a great sleeper. She really could not be more perfect. We’re not sure what the future holds beyond this week (we’ll find out more on Friday) but for now we are savoring every minute with her.

I’ll try to keep up with my blogging this week but no promises. There are more important matters to attend to, if ya know what I mean. And my posts might be a little bit centered around her, because, well, my brain is pretty consumed right now as I was just thrust into the world of being “Mama!” (that’s what little girl has been calling me) for the first time with an almost 1.5 year old, in a very unique way. Thank God for the wonderful support of my family and friends, especially my mom. Jason was out of the country on a short, week-long trip to Scandinavia when I got the call so the first 3.5 days I was on my own. On my own with my mom never more than a phone call or text away, and often with us, too.  I’m so glad Jason’s back now and he absolutely loves her and is a huge help! He’s an awesome daddy. I knew he would be.

9 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Ladybug, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Call #2: Up in the Air

07/28/2011

On Monday we got our second call for a foster care placement. The placement worker left a voicemail for Jason. He called me as soon as his plane was on the ground and he got the message but it was already too late. It was for one little girl. We probably would have said yes. I am at peace about it—I’m believing she ended up in a good home and things turned out the way they were supposed to. But, it’s hard to wrap my brain around it all… one phone call can change everything. Missing a call (by 35 minutes) can change everything.

Instead of going over to a friends house for dinner, cake and a birthday celebration Monday night, I could have been fumbling around with setting up our car seat, running to Kroger for diapers and formula and baby food (and Googling what you can feed a 9 month old), calling my boss to let him know I may or may not be stopping in to the office tomorrow, texting my friends to start praying, calling my mama to say HELP! But tonight that little baby girl will be laying her head down to sleep at another house and I’ll be going about business as usual. Again, I have complete peace about how it all worked out, it’s just strange to think about how differently this week could have turned out. And “business as usual” feels a little lame.

Seeing as we’ve had 2 calls in 5 days, I imagine we’ll get a placement soon. I have a tangle of contrasting emotions: excited, scared, hopeful, sad… It’s beautiful thing, foster parenting, and also a horrible thing. I wish the need for it didn’t exist. I know I’m only seeing and understanding the tip of the iceberg at this point.

One of my co-workers aptly put it in an email the other day, This is truly a unique journey.

4 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

“The Call”

07/21/2011

We got our first call yesterday. The sweet placement worker called Jason, thankfully, because the adrenaline rush makes my ears pound. He talked with her for a few minutes on the phone, walking into the room where I was working. I raised my eyebrows as I heard him explaining that we’re only set up for 2 kids and that we have a crib and a twin bed. He held up 3 fingers to me and raised his eyebrows back.

He told her we’d discuss it and get back to her. Three young siblings. Outside of the boundaries we set up. It was an easy decision, really, an obvious answer, yet we still discussed and pondered and prayed about it all afternoon. Ultimately, we knew what we had to do. But it wasn’t easy.

I got her voicemail when I called back. It felt so petty and heartless when I heard myself say “I hope you do find a good home for them.” As if they’re puppies. My tears for those three little ones won’t do anyone any good but I do believe prayer works and I’m asking God to open up the perfect home for those three young siblings.

5 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Click, click, click…

07/14/2011

It’s the rhythm of anticipation.

A roller coaster carries us upward toward the peak of the first hill.

Fear is mingled with excitement and adrenaline is rising.

We’ve been on roller coasters before and we’ve seen this one in action but no amount of readying can fully prepare us for this ride.

No turning back. Here we go…

Our official letter of approval as certified resource [foster] parents arrived in the mail on Saturday. Now my heart leaps a little every time the phone rings.

I’m honestly relieved that the timing for this is completely out of our hands now. I trust God with the timing of bringing kids into our home. I do not trust myself… sometimes I hope they’ll call today, sometimes I feel so inadequately prepared.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

All of Me

06/28/2011

A few weeks ago a friend asked Jason and I if in our classes we were trained how to not get too attached to the foster kids we’ll soon be welcoming into our home. We explained that, no, they actually want us to get attached because it would be impossible to love these kids the way they need loved and at the same time hold back and guard our hearts. It’s hard to understand why someone would voluntarily sign up for a program that is likely to end in heartbreak.

We’ve heard others’ accounts and we’re trying to prepare ourselves as much as possible for what lies ahead. I’ve heard other foster parents explain that reunification or releasing a foster child to another family feels a lot like losing a child, like the death of a child. How the heck do you prepare for that?!

Then there’s this metaphor: If a doctor told you as expectant parents that there was a 75% chance your baby would only live for one year, what would you do? Would you rather not love or attach to the child at all? Or give everything you’ve got to give for that year, knowing it will hurt like hell if you have to say goodbye?

Through my job, I was recently invited to a press event where musician Matt Hammitt was promoting his new album, Every Falling Tear, which releases September 13, 2011. He explained the struggles his family has gone through in the past year and the story behind a lot of the songs. When his wife Sarah was pregnant with their son Bowen, a serious heart defect was discovered. The odds of Bowen surviving birth were not great, and even after that he would need a series of at least 3 open heart surgeries to repair the problem. As an artist, Matt began to sort out his emotions through songwriting. This one was written before Bowen was born. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would hit me as a soon-to-be foster parent…

All of Me

Afraid to love something that could break
Could I move on if you were torn away?
I’m so close to what I can’t control
Can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole

You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear

You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I’ll share with you

You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me

You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

Heaven brought you to this moment
It’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me

Let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me

Written by Matt Hammitt and Bernie Herms. (lyrics from here)

In case you’re wondering, Bowen was born, had his first heart surgery, almost died, had his second heart surgery, and is now doing great as a 9-month-old. He has at least one more surgery in the coming months. I’ve been following their story online from the beginning so I really enjoyed getting to hear this not-yet-released album and the passion behind the songs.

Visit Matt & Sarah Hammitt’s blog, Bowen’s Heart, to hear the work tape of the song and read about the day they thought they lost him. (It’s available now through iTunes, too.)


6 Comments | Art, Art: music, Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

“Am I struggling with infertility?”

06/23/2011

Alternate Title: Why We’re Foster Parenting

I’ve been asked this question a few times lately in regards to our foster parenting motives and we suspect many other people are wondering (or making assumptions) but not asking. So, here’s my answer: no.

I know this an be a sensitive matter to some people so I’ll tread lightly; this is just my personal position on the matter. There are two parts to that phrase “struggling with infertility.” I’ve haven’t, in recent years, been tested for or officially diagnosed with any reproductive problems. I suppose some people would consider not getting pregnant after a year of “not trying not to”—as we like to put it—to be infertility. I have no use for this label as I’m not interested in treatment for this problem… because I’m not treating it like a problem. Either I get pregnant or I don’t—Jason and I have chosen to leave that up to God. We are completely at peace with that. So am I struggling? I hope it’s obvious that I am not.

There were times last year when I struggled a bit. After medically preventing babies for a decade, letting my body “reset” to it’s natural rhythm was interesting. At times I thought I had it figured out and I could control what would happen. Other times I was frustrated and bewildered. With my husband’s gentle urging I chose to really, fully let go of control of this area of our lives and trust God with it.

That was about a year ago. At that point, I never would have guessed that Jason and I would now be on the cusp of becoming foster parents. It just wasn’t on our radar at all. We figured we’d have a couple babies, build an addition on to our house, then maybe adopt a little girl from China. Or something along those lines. I can see how it might look from the outside like we’re substituting foster parenting for infertility treatment. After all, becoming foster parents certainly was part of the bursting of my perfect life plan bubble. But desperation to have children, it is not. God had other plans for us. If I had gotten pregnant right away, I probably wouldn’t have been interested in considering adoption or foster care at the point when God opened our hearts to the need. Somehow that little seed grew into a passion.

Honestly, I’m so busy with everything else going on in my life right now that I really couldn’t care less whether or not I get pregnant. Sure, if it happened we would be excited and happy. But if it never happens, that really is A-ok with us. What I’ve been learning—and believe me, I’m not all the way there yet!—is that this really isn’t about me and what I want. This, this life (marriage, family, work, friendships…) is not all about me getting what I want. As a Christian, if I want God to use me for something big, it’s essential that I grasp this concept. Foster parenting for Jason and I is not about “getting” kids because we just want to be parents. It’s about kids that need some adults to step up and be parents and to love on them. A couple of artists from East Nashville that like gardening and thrift store shopping just might be the perfect fit for some kiddos going through a really rough patch in their young lives.

10 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparing for Foster Kids: Bedroom Tour

06/16/2011

Our kids room is done-done-done. Ready to go. Just add kiddos!

I’m kind of in love with this room. It was so much fun to put together. It’s a mix of new and old. It’s a mix of patterns, textures and colors (mostly blue, green and gray … our favorites). It’s a mix of gifts, sentimental items and things purchased especially for our kiddos.

Sources: The walls are Ellie Gray by Sherwin Williams. The bed, crib, rugs (machine washable bathmats!), stuffed spaniel, stuffed vegetables, twin duvet, under bed storage box and book ledges are from IKEA. The twin sheets, lamp shade, and (shower) curtain are from Target. The alphabet animal poster, puzzle blocks, and alphabet flash cards are from Petit Collage (I won from a giveaway on Design Mom). The green quilt on the bed was a wedding gift handmade by a friend. The reading chair (reupholstered), night stand (painted), green crib sheet from Pottery Barn, stacking ring toy and full length mirror (painted) are all from yard sales. The yellow lamp is from a thrift store. The xylophone is from an estate sale. The Gee Wiz game on top of the dresser was a gift from an antique store given to us by a friend. The monkey poster is by French Paper gifted from the same friend. The mobile and toss pillows are handmade by me. The color wheel clock is from MOMA given to me by my Uncle Bob many years ago. The dinosaur is Jason’s from childhood. The chalkboard door was painted by me. The folding chair is from a yard sale. The dresser is from Target purchased second hand from craigslist (we’re still looking for a changing table height mid-century replacement). And lastly, the blue Sekova guitar originally belonged to Jason’s mom when she was a teenager and was the guitar Jason first learned to play on as a boy. In high school he painted it blue. It’s not playable now but I love that it’s finally displayed somewhere. It means a lot to me. I’m so proud of my incredibly talented husband, who is now living his dream as a professional guitarist.

Here’s the floor plan. It was quite a puzzle fitting a twin bed, crib, chair, dresser and night stand into a 10 x 11 room while still leaving some floor space for playing. Once we put the KURA bed together we decided to flip flop it and the night stand with the reading nook and wall mirror in my original plan. It just worked better with the design of the bed.

19 Comments | Art, Art: Bedoom for Foster Kids, Art: house tour, Art: interior design, Art: mid-century design, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Foster Parenting: Myths, Facts and Resources

06/09/2011

The Dave Thomas Foundation has a great little article called Myths & Realities about foster parenting. Here are a few of them:

Myth: Foster care adoption may cost less than private infant or international adoption, but it’s still expensive.

Reality: Foster care adoption normally costs little or nothing. Click here for more information on how much it costs to adopt.

Myth: A biological parent can come to take an adopted child back.

Reality: This is a fear for two-thirds of the people considering adoption. However, biological parents have no way to gain back custody of the child or children once their parental rights are terminated.

Myth: Children enter foster care because they committed a crime.

Reality: This belief is held by 45 percent of Americans, but actually, children enter U.S. foster care through no fault of their own. Usually, they are victims of neglect, abandonment, or abuse.

——————————————————————————————————-

I thought it might also be valuable to share with you some of my favorite resources. When we were first considering this adventure, reading other’s personal accounts was invalueble to me. (And still is encouraging.) Here are some of my favorite blogs of families that have fostered or adopted kids:

• Proverbs 30:8 – K&D’s blog was what got me thinking more seriously about fostering. They have fostered several kids so far and are in the process of adopting two precious little boys.

• Foster Parenting Podcast – like a big nerd I listened to EVERY podcast from the past 4 years. (hey, i’m at my desk all day!) This couple has fostered more kids than I can keep track of and so far has adopted 2 sweet little girls. Tons of wisdom and perspective to share.

• Rage Against the Minivan – clever, raw, realistic portrayal of a family with 2 biological daughters, 1 son adopted through foster care and 1 son adopted from Haiti

• Ordinary Hero – mostly about international adoption (especially Ethiopia) but great fundraising opportunities for adoptive families

• The Anderson Crew – one of my favorite blogs already for the creative, crafty, photographic goodness but this family recently adopted a little girl from Ethiopia

• Faith Star Lite – a family in the process of adopting a little girl through foster care

• Adding Members – a family with 1 biological daughter, 1 daughter adopted through foster care and are currently still fostering children with hopes to adopt more due to infertility

• As for Me and My House – a family with a sweet testimony of adopting a baby girl through the foster care system with hopes to foster more. Written from the perspective of the oldest sister, which makes it extra sweet and interesting

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparing for Foster Kids: Technical Safety Precautions & General Household To Do List

06/02/2011

Here’s the part of preparing our home for foster kids that’s not as much fun to talk about or photograph as designing the bedroom. We have a checklist of things that need to be done in our home before an inspection. These requirements differ from state to state and agency to agency, I’m sure, but here are some of the things we had to buy/do:

• outlet covers on all of our electrical outlets
• cleaning supplies and chemicals stored in a locked cabinet
• all medications (including vitamins) stored in a locked box
• smoke detectors in various locations throughout the house
• carbon monoxide detector installed
• minimum 2.5 lb. fire extinguisher rated for class B and C
• hot water heater set lower than 120 degrees
• matches and knives inaccessible to children
• landline telephone available (we decided to sign up for Vonage for $15/month)
• flashlights in working order and accessible (we got a nightlight/emergency light/ flashlight)
• bedroom for child with proper clothing storage
• bedroom for child has a window
• separate bed and mattress for each child
• infant crib in compliance with government safety standards
• area rugs secured to floors; mirrors and wall hangings secured to walls
• internet adult sites inaccessible to children (we use Safe Eyes to block these sites)
• pets are up to date on all required vaccinations
• automobiles in safe operating condition
• vehicles equipped with child safety seats for infants/young children and booster seats for older children

So that’s only about half of the list, but it covers most of the main requirements. I was looking for this information online out of curiosity before we started the process so maybe someone else out there will benefit from seeing our list. We added to this list our personal list of projects to get done around the house before we welcome foster kids into our home:

• buy furniture (crib, bed, dresser, rugs) for the kids room
• hang book ledges (pictured above—I did this all myself! I’m very proud.)
• decorate kids room
• paint the kids room
• paint the rest of the house… or at least the master bedroom, living room, kitchen and hallway
• finish the fence blog post coming soon!
• close up all the gaps along the bottom of the fence so Lucy can’t wander away
• remove the dangerously sharp fireplace hearth  Booyah!
• get the electricity fixed in 2/3 of the house (this is a new development as of yesterday … stupid old wiring! Right now have 4.5 rooms without electricity … the kids room, my cloffice, both bathrooms and the ceiling light in the kitchen.)
• get a new vehicle – The Silver Bullet. Yay!
• build a new patio table we got a great deal on an already built one
• finish drywall and trim in Jason’s studio aux room
• finish drywall and paint in the laundry room
• clean out studio aux room and closet
• clean out our bedroom closet and dresser and give clothes to charity
• clean out cupboards
• clean and organize pantry

Ok, so most of the things on our personal list have nothing to do with preparing our house for kids EXCEPT that we want to have all of these things checked off our to do list so that once we have kids we can just relax and have fun in the evenings and on the weekends. Sounds like a nice dream, right?

4 Comments | Art, Art: interior design, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparing for Foster Kids: Versatility in Gear

05/26/2011

Like any first time parents, we’ve been scrambling to figure out what kind of equipment we need have in preparation for welcoming little ones into our house. Only with foster parenting we have the added complexity of not knowing whether we’re preparing for a newborn or a 5-year-old, since we’re opening our availability to kids anywhere in that age range. Being placed with a newborn – 1-year-old is less likely than a toddler or young child, so we’re limiting how many infant/baby items we bring into our cozy house at this point. As I’ve been researching, one word keeps coming to mind: VERSATILITY.

Crib to Toddler Bed
Cribs that convert into toddler beds seem to be the status quo these days, and for good reason since most kids are able to climb out of their crib by 2 years. Our SOMNAT has three options: a higher position for newborns, a low position for infants that can sit up or pull up to a stand, and a toddler bed with one crib side removed. (I can’t find any photos online of it set up like a toddler bed… the image on the right is a random Google search image.) Some cribs even convert into twin or double beds, using the crib sides and the headboard and footboard. We had other plans for a big kid bed though.

Low Bed to Loft or Bunk Bed
We decided on the popular KURA for kids too big for the SOMNAT. I’ve seen the KURA bed set up and even customized in many ways. I love that it can be a low bed, a loft bed or a bunk bed. Even in the loft/bunk set up the bed is not very tall so it’s a safer option for young children. According to IKEA the bunk shouldn’t be used for kids younger than 6 but I have friends who have used it with 3, 4 and 5 year olds with no issues. In the high bed position, the square footage under the bed is open for a second mattress or additional floor space. It can easily be closed off on the bottom to create a fun hiding place or to cover up a cluttered toy area.

Convertible Car Seats
Many friends have offered to loan us their car seats. INFANT car seats. Why? Because they’re only used for 8-12 months and then they’re stored for the next kid. When I started researching car seats I was amazed to learn that there are car seats that go from newborn up to 70 lbs—the whole range of kids we’re likely to foster parent! I’ve heard all the benefits of being able to tote a sleeping baby around in an infant carrier but for foster parents, a convertible car seat is perfect. If we have an infant and feel like an infant car seat would be helpful, I’m glad to know that so many people have them in storage. My friend Susan recommends the Britax Marathon because it’s “really sturdy, easy to clean, easy to install & versatile for sizes newborn to 65-70 pounds.” We were gifted a perfect black one. I’m confident that we’ll be needing a second one at some point so if anyone wants to buy us another one, I like this cowmooflage one… just saying. (SIDENOTE: Getting bedding, car seats, strollers, clothing, etc. in unisex colors is obviously the most economical option for any parents who are planning on having more than one child.)

Strollers
There is a lot of room for personal preferences here but I love the simple yet hearty Jeep umbrella stroller my mom and I found at a yard sale recently. (Similar to this, pictured above but black and without all the accessories.) There are lots of fancy stroller options out there, including ones that work specifically with infant carriers, but I survived infancy being worn in backpack-style carrier and pushed around in a simple fabric umbrella stroller. Cheaper, lighter, smaller. I don’t have the age/weight specs on mine since it was second hand but I suspect this will work for all kids 1-5 with no problem. If/when we have 2 kids, I’ll be keeping an eye on craigslist for one of those fancy Sit & Stand strollers (like this one) that can tote two+ kids from newborn – 45 lbs and have lots of storage.

High Chairs
This Eddie Bauer foldable booster seat was recommended to me by my friend K for it’s portability and ease of storage. Our friends Renata and Sean convinced us we should get a Stokke chair. They’re as pricy as the Britax car seats but with sturdy wood construction and an adaptable design to work for an infant, a child and an adult, it’s considered a lifetime chair. We inquired about one on craigslist but didn’t hear back and while we were at IKEA we semi-impulsively (I had it on my baby wishlist) bought the ANTILOP high chair and tray for $25. The seat base is a bit bulky but the legs pop off so it can be stored pretty easily. The style matches our other dining chairs and the tray means we can move the seat around and we don’t need to find a placemat solution, though these work great with our friends’ Stokke. Did I mention the Stokke high chair comes in a bunch of colors?

These are the 5 key pieces of baby/child gear I come up with. Can you think of anything else to add? If you are preparing to become a foster parent or looking for gift ideas for a new foster parent of young children, remember: versatility, versatility, versatility. Books, audio CDs, DVDs, dishes (kids utensils, sippy cups), bibs and classic toys (blocks, puzzles, stuffed animals, musical instruments, cars, dolls) can also be added to the list of items that can be used for a wide range of ages.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

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