We said goodbye to Ladybug yesterday. It was very sad, and there may still be some waves of grief coming. However, we are doing much better than I expected. I knew God would equip us for this journey He asked us to take and we have so many friends and family praying for us. I’m not sure if we’re on the other side of the storm or if we’re in a big safe bubble but I am so thankful for God’s grace. It truly is sufficient for us and His power really is made perfect through our weakness.
4 Comments | 
Art, Art: Bedoom for Foster Kids, Art: kids room, Art: Phone Photo Friday, Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Ladybug | Tagged: cell phone photography, Phone Photo Friday | 
Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
Including this little guy who was on our front door yesterday morning. He turned around and looked at me for the photo.
Today is the day.
The day that Ladybug’s future is decided by some robe-wearing guy in a court room.
At least that’s how it looks from the outside.
But we know the Truth.
He knows what He is doing. He doesn’t make mistakes.
Will you join us in praying? For His will to be done, not ours. We know what we want but we don’t truly know what’s best for Ladybug. He does.
—
And if we’re led into the valley of suffering, we don’t have to be afaid because He is with us.
He is near to the brokenhearted.
When we cry out, He will save us. And He will be glorified.
His grace is sufficient for me; His power made perfect in my weakness.
We may weep all night, but joy will come.
Nothing can separate us from His love.
—
Do you have someone who can give you that kind of reassurance?
That’s My King. I wonder, do you know Him?
2 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Ladybug | Tagged: Faith, foster parenting, hope, Ladybug, truth | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
Our kids are not ours. We are not promised any number of days with them. This is especially evident for foster parents but it’s actual true for ALL parents. If we feel like we own our kids, we are mistaken. If we believe we can protect them from everything and keep them safe in our arms forever, it’s an illusion. I think the sooner all parents can grasp this, or un-grasp their kids, the better it is for everyone.
On the morning of our big team meeting where we knew we’d be hearing the details of how and why Ladybug will most likely be moved to live with a family member (as you can imagine a complicated, heart-wrenching decision which will ultimately be made by a judge…tomorrow), I decided to read the story of Abraham and Isaac again. It’s in Genesis 22 if you’re unfamiliar but the gist is this: Abraham had been promised a son and waited a really, really long time before his wife got pregnant. When Isaac finally arrived, Abraham absolutely adored him. He idolized him to the point God needed to test Abraham’s allegiance as it seemed that Isaac—the answer to Abraham’s prayers and a promise from God—had moved before God in Abe’s priorities. God had some really important plans for Abraham and Isaac so it was essential he stayed on course. The test was that God asked Abraham to give Isaac back to Him, to take his life as an offering to God. It wasn’t until God was sure that Abraham was really willing to do it, that He stopped him. After reading that story, I got out of bed and went into the bathroom picked up my quick daily devotional read, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
On August 23rd, this is what it said:
Entrust your loved ones to Me, surrender them to My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one–as well as yourself.
Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father’s undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.
When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.
At some point every parent has to figuratively put Isaac on the alter and admit they don’t own their child, the Creator does and entrusts children to us as He sees fit.
Recognize each day as a gift. When you come to the place of accepting that you are not promised tomorrow, it’s easier to appreciate today. This is true not just for parents but all people. As a foster parent it is blatanly obvious – I have today. After that, I have no promises. You better believe we are making the most of everyday we have with little Ladybug.
Since this post is getting pretty heavy, here is some lightness…
Other beneficial side effects of [foster] parenting:
My biceps are huge! I mean, I’m a petite lady so my arms are still pretty scrawny but considering… I’ve got guns! I didn’t have the ease of working my way up from a 7 lb. baby to a heavy toddler… we went straight into parenting a 25 pounder. The first week my arms and lower back were killing me. Now, they barely hurt at all.
I’ve learned some pretty slick parenting techniques through our training and also just from living and learning. Of course, most of these tricks only work a handful of times so it’s an on-going cycle of learning, trying, succeeding, failing and moving on. For example, this temper tantrum technique worked beautifully and impressed some witnesses: Temper tantrum started. I laid the kid on the ground and said, “OK, go! Go ahead! Tantrum! I’m ready.” She looked at me bewildered. I said, “Come on! Yell!” I raised her arms above her head and jiggled them around fake screaming “Ahhhhh!” “And kick your feet!” I stomped her feet up and down and growled, “Ugh! I’m so mad!” By then she was laughing and the tantrum moment had past. I felt brilliant. But then it only worked a couple more times before she was on to me. Ten days later, the worst tantrum ever. I had to put her in her crib and walk away to keep her from hurting herself or me. You win some. You lose some.
People are so friendly to us in public. Strangers stop to comment on how beautiful she is. Ladybug is super friendly and says hi and waves to everyone at the grocery store, even if their backs are turned. An older woman at the grocery store even offered to return Jason’s shopping cart after he unloaded groceries into the silver bullet. “I remember what it was like grocery shopping with kids,” she smiled. An elder putting away a cart for a 28 year old dad. Imagine.
7 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Ladybug | Tagged: children, foster parenting, kids, parenting | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
I can’t promise I’ll post everyday this week. We’re heading into a storm…
Your Love Never Fails
by Chris McClarney
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But, You have new mercy for me everyday
Your love never fails
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
but joy comes with the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
The wind is strong and the water’s deep
But, I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm was far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Thank You Jesus, thank You Jesus, ooh
You make all things work together for my good
5 Comments | Art, Art: music, Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Ladybug | Tagged: chris mcclarney, Faith, foster parenting, storms, your love never fails | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
Most days I write posts ahead of time so they’re ready first thing in the morning but it didn’t work out last night. We’ve had a rough few days around here. We learned earlier this week that Ladybug will likely be moved with a family member next week. That alone would be plenty difficult. But, there is a disagreement between the decision-making judge and the recommendations from children’s services. That adds anger and frustration on top of the sadness. We’re trying hard to stay positive and enjoy every moment we can with our little lady in the next 7 days.
I know God is with us, with Ladybug and with her family. I know He cares about all of us and what is best for us. The Lord is faithful, He will never abandon us and He does not make mistakes. But He didn’t promise a bump-free ride. Every morning when I wake up, the sun is reflecting through our bathroom window and french door onto the wall across from our bed. The light is usually bright yellowish white. Today it was red. Sure enough, when I got up I saw that the sun peeking above the tree line was bold red. There is a storm coming…
(I didn’t think of taking a picture at the time. The one above shows what it USUALLY looks like.)
Please pray with us that the right decision is made to keep Ladybug safe and healthy. Also, please pray for peace and strength for all of us to face whatever we have to face next Thursday.
7 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Ladybug | Tagged: foster parenting, red sky in morning | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
1. Being a foster parent is so easy. Anyone could do this job. It’s as simple as loving and caring for a child who is in desperate need. These are sweet, beautiful, innocent children. For crying out loud, step up! You can do it! These kids need you!
2. There is nothing easy about about being a foster parent. It’s hands-down the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. We prepared for months… classes, home study, reading books and blogs. We’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. But nothing really prepares you for the Niagra Falls of emotions that come crashing down on you when you become a parent overnight, fall desperately in love with a child, learn his or her angering story, work hard to reverse the negatives in the child’s life and teach trust and hope and love, and to fear for the kid’s safety and future and want to do anything in the world to protect him or her yet to acknowledge you are for the most part powerless. Also, there is the matter of just parenting, which is no walk in the park. Just because we signed up for this program doesn’t make it less painful. There are good days and there are bad days. This is hard, really hard.
3. I have no regrets about being a foster parent. It’s amazing, wonderful, rewarding, life-changing and exciting. It also sucks. It just might lead us through a valley of heartbreak like something out of our worst nightmares. I do not want to go down that road. I do not want to be crushed. I do not want to do hard. But this child (any child) is SO WORTH IT.
PS. Please pray for us this morning. Important decisions are being made. Thank you!
5 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Ladybug, Family: Me | Tagged: challenge, foster parenting, parenting, sacrifice | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
On Monday we got our second call for a foster care placement. The placement worker left a voicemail for Jason. He called me as soon as his plane was on the ground and he got the message but it was already too late. It was for one little girl. We probably would have said yes. I am at peace about it—I’m believing she ended up in a good home and things turned out the way they were supposed to. But, it’s hard to wrap my brain around it all… one phone call can change everything. Missing a call (by 35 minutes) can change everything.
Instead of going over to a friends house for dinner, cake and a birthday celebration Monday night, I could have been fumbling around with setting up our car seat, running to Kroger for diapers and formula and baby food (and Googling what you can feed a 9 month old), calling my boss to let him know I may or may not be stopping in to the office tomorrow, texting my friends to start praying, calling my mama to say HELP! But tonight that little baby girl will be laying her head down to sleep at another house and I’ll be going about business as usual. Again, I have complete peace about how it all worked out, it’s just strange to think about how differently this week could have turned out. And “business as usual” feels a little lame.
Seeing as we’ve had 2 calls in 5 days, I imagine we’ll get a placement soon. I have a tangle of contrasting emotions: excited, scared, hopeful, sad… It’s beautiful thing, foster parenting, and also a horrible thing. I wish the need for it didn’t exist. I know I’m only seeing and understanding the tip of the iceberg at this point.
One of my co-workers aptly put it in an email the other day, This is truly a unique journey.
4 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: foster care, foster parenting, placement, resource parents, the call | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
A few weeks ago a friend asked Jason and I if in our classes we were trained how to not get too attached to the foster kids we’ll soon be welcoming into our home. We explained that, no, they actually want us to get attached because it would be impossible to love these kids the way they need loved and at the same time hold back and guard our hearts. It’s hard to understand why someone would voluntarily sign up for a program that is likely to end in heartbreak.
We’ve heard others’ accounts and we’re trying to prepare ourselves as much as possible for what lies ahead. I’ve heard other foster parents explain that reunification or releasing a foster child to another family feels a lot like losing a child, like the death of a child. How the heck do you prepare for that?!
Then there’s this metaphor: If a doctor told you as expectant parents that there was a 75% chance your baby would only live for one year, what would you do? Would you rather not love or attach to the child at all? Or give everything you’ve got to give for that year, knowing it will hurt like hell if you have to say goodbye?
Through my job, I was recently invited to a press event where musician Matt Hammitt was promoting his new album, Every Falling Tear, which releases September 13, 2011. He explained the struggles his family has gone through in the past year and the story behind a lot of the songs. When his wife Sarah was pregnant with their son Bowen, a serious heart defect was discovered. The odds of Bowen surviving birth were not great, and even after that he would need a series of at least 3 open heart surgeries to repair the problem. As an artist, Matt began to sort out his emotions through songwriting. This one was written before Bowen was born. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would hit me as a soon-to-be foster parent…
All of Me
Afraid to love something that could break
Could I move on if you were torn away?
I’m so close to what I can’t control
Can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start
I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I’ll share with you
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start
Heaven brought you to this moment
It’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me
Let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me
Written by Matt Hammitt and Bernie Herms. (lyrics from here)
In case you’re wondering, Bowen was born, had his first heart surgery, almost died, had his second heart surgery, and is now doing great as a 9-month-old. He has at least one more surgery in the coming months. I’ve been following their story online from the beginning so I really enjoyed getting to hear this not-yet-released album and the passion behind the songs.
Visit Matt & Sarah Hammitt’s blog, Bowen’s Heart, to hear the work tape of the song and read about the day they thought they lost him. (It’s available now through iTunes, too.)
6 Comments | Art, Art: music, Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: all of me, foster parenting, matt hammitt, song | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
Alternate Title: Why We’re Foster Parenting
I’ve been asked this question a few times lately in regards to our foster parenting motives and we suspect many other people are wondering (or making assumptions) but not asking. So, here’s my answer: no.
I know this an be a sensitive matter to some people so I’ll tread lightly; this is just my personal position on the matter. There are two parts to that phrase “struggling with infertility.” I’ve haven’t, in recent years, been tested for or officially diagnosed with any reproductive problems. I suppose some people would consider not getting pregnant after a year of “not trying not to”—as we like to put it—to be infertility. I have no use for this label as I’m not interested in treatment for this problem… because I’m not treating it like a problem. Either I get pregnant or I don’t—Jason and I have chosen to leave that up to God. We are completely at peace with that. So am I struggling? I hope it’s obvious that I am not.
There were times last year when I struggled a bit. After medically preventing babies for a decade, letting my body “reset” to it’s natural rhythm was interesting. At times I thought I had it figured out and I could control what would happen. Other times I was frustrated and bewildered. With my husband’s gentle urging I chose to really, fully let go of control of this area of our lives and trust God with it.
That was about a year ago. At that point, I never would have guessed that Jason and I would now be on the cusp of becoming foster parents. It just wasn’t on our radar at all. We figured we’d have a couple babies, build an addition on to our house, then maybe adopt a little girl from China. Or something along those lines. I can see how it might look from the outside like we’re substituting foster parenting for infertility treatment. After all, becoming foster parents certainly was part of the bursting of my perfect life plan bubble. But desperation to have children, it is not. God had other plans for us. If I had gotten pregnant right away, I probably wouldn’t have been interested in considering adoption or foster care at the point when God opened our hearts to the need. Somehow that little seed grew into a passion.
Honestly, I’m so busy with everything else going on in my life right now that I really couldn’t care less whether or not I get pregnant. Sure, if it happened we would be excited and happy. But if it never happens, that really is A-ok with us. What I’ve been learning—and believe me, I’m not all the way there yet!—is that this really isn’t about me and what I want. This, this life (marriage, family, work, friendships…) is not all about me getting what I want. As a Christian, if I want God to use me for something big, it’s essential that I grasp this concept. Foster parenting for Jason and I is not about “getting” kids because we just want to be parents. It’s about kids that need some adults to step up and be parents and to love on them. A couple of artists from East Nashville that like gardening and thrift store shopping just might be the perfect fit for some kiddos going through a really rough patch in their young lives.
10 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: babies, Faith, infertility, kids, marriage, plans | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
I had a wonderful weekend with family and friends, celebrating the resurrection of my Savior! I hope you did, too. There is so much that I’m thankful for. We watched this video at the end of our church service. It was very moving to me and I couldn’t help crying like a baby by the end of it. That’s my King! Either you know Him or you don’t. And if you do, it changes everything.
This second video is from Thursday night where Jason and his buddy Jonathan Crone were playing an original acoustic guitar duet of “Nothing But The Blood” at a concert up in Adrian, Michigan. My wifey-heart swells with pride when I hear this beautiful conposition. They originally arranged it for a Christmas celebration at our church back in December and I was busting with pride then too. I made sure I was the first one up outta my seat to give them a standing ovation and a whooping cheer, and I was quickly joined by the rest of the crowd. I’m thoroughly amazed by my husband’s talent. I can say that, right? The picture quality is not great (Jason Ahlbrandt on the left, Jonathan on the right) but the audio is clear.
1 Comment | Art, Art: music, Faith, Family, Family: Jason | Tagged: acoustic guitar, Jesus, nothing by the blood, resurrection day | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
You are currently browsing the archives for the Faith category.
Graphic designer, MCM interior design enthusiast, wife to amazing guitarist and hard working realtor, mama—by way of foster care, adoption and biology—and follower of Jesus Christ.
Thanks for stopping by!
I'd love to hear from you. My email is m*ahlbrandt*@gmail*.com (remove *s).
myMCMlife.com 