Everything changes…

08/02/2011

when you love some, love some, love someone… (Cue the Kathy Troccoli song from the 80s)

In this case, I’m busy loving someone 2.5 feet tall. I can’t tell you her name or show you a picture, sorry. But trust me, she is absolutely beautiful! On Thursday night we were placed with a little girl. She is so sweet, silly, playful, cuddly and fun. She’s a great eater and a great sleeper. She really could not be more perfect. We’re not sure what the future holds beyond this week (we’ll find out more on Friday) but for now we are savoring every minute with her.

I’ll try to keep up with my blogging this week but no promises. There are more important matters to attend to, if ya know what I mean. And my posts might be a little bit centered around her, because, well, my brain is pretty consumed right now as I was just thrust into the world of being “Mama!” (that’s what little girl has been calling me) for the first time with an almost 1.5 year old, in a very unique way. Thank God for the wonderful support of my family and friends, especially my mom. Jason was out of the country on a short, week-long trip to Scandinavia when I got the call so the first 3.5 days I was on my own. On my own with my mom never more than a phone call or text away, and often with us, too.  I’m so glad Jason’s back now and he absolutely loves her and is a huge help! He’s an awesome daddy. I knew he would be.

9 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Ladybug, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Call #2: Up in the Air

07/28/2011

On Monday we got our second call for a foster care placement. The placement worker left a voicemail for Jason. He called me as soon as his plane was on the ground and he got the message but it was already too late. It was for one little girl. We probably would have said yes. I am at peace about it—I’m believing she ended up in a good home and things turned out the way they were supposed to. But, it’s hard to wrap my brain around it all… one phone call can change everything. Missing a call (by 35 minutes) can change everything.

Instead of going over to a friends house for dinner, cake and a birthday celebration Monday night, I could have been fumbling around with setting up our car seat, running to Kroger for diapers and formula and baby food (and Googling what you can feed a 9 month old), calling my boss to let him know I may or may not be stopping in to the office tomorrow, texting my friends to start praying, calling my mama to say HELP! But tonight that little baby girl will be laying her head down to sleep at another house and I’ll be going about business as usual. Again, I have complete peace about how it all worked out, it’s just strange to think about how differently this week could have turned out. And “business as usual” feels a little lame.

Seeing as we’ve had 2 calls in 5 days, I imagine we’ll get a placement soon. I have a tangle of contrasting emotions: excited, scared, hopeful, sad… It’s beautiful thing, foster parenting, and also a horrible thing. I wish the need for it didn’t exist. I know I’m only seeing and understanding the tip of the iceberg at this point.

One of my co-workers aptly put it in an email the other day, This is truly a unique journey.

4 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

All of Me

06/28/2011

A few weeks ago a friend asked Jason and I if in our classes we were trained how to not get too attached to the foster kids we’ll soon be welcoming into our home. We explained that, no, they actually want us to get attached because it would be impossible to love these kids the way they need loved and at the same time hold back and guard our hearts. It’s hard to understand why someone would voluntarily sign up for a program that is likely to end in heartbreak.

We’ve heard others’ accounts and we’re trying to prepare ourselves as much as possible for what lies ahead. I’ve heard other foster parents explain that reunification or releasing a foster child to another family feels a lot like losing a child, like the death of a child. How the heck do you prepare for that?!

Then there’s this metaphor: If a doctor told you as expectant parents that there was a 75% chance your baby would only live for one year, what would you do? Would you rather not love or attach to the child at all? Or give everything you’ve got to give for that year, knowing it will hurt like hell if you have to say goodbye?

Through my job, I was recently invited to a press event where musician Matt Hammitt was promoting his new album, Every Falling Tear, which releases September 13, 2011. He explained the struggles his family has gone through in the past year and the story behind a lot of the songs. When his wife Sarah was pregnant with their son Bowen, a serious heart defect was discovered. The odds of Bowen surviving birth were not great, and even after that he would need a series of at least 3 open heart surgeries to repair the problem. As an artist, Matt began to sort out his emotions through songwriting. This one was written before Bowen was born. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would hit me as a soon-to-be foster parent…

All of Me

Afraid to love something that could break
Could I move on if you were torn away?
I’m so close to what I can’t control
Can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole

You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear

You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I’ll share with you

You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me

You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

Heaven brought you to this moment
It’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me

Let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me

Written by Matt Hammitt and Bernie Herms. (lyrics from here)

In case you’re wondering, Bowen was born, had his first heart surgery, almost died, had his second heart surgery, and is now doing great as a 9-month-old. He has at least one more surgery in the coming months. I’ve been following their story online from the beginning so I really enjoyed getting to hear this not-yet-released album and the passion behind the songs.

Visit Matt & Sarah Hammitt’s blog, Bowen’s Heart, to hear the work tape of the song and read about the day they thought they lost him. (It’s available now through iTunes, too.)


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Posted by mahlbrandt

Foster Parenting: Myths, Facts and Resources

06/09/2011

The Dave Thomas Foundation has a great little article called Myths & Realities about foster parenting. Here are a few of them:

Myth: Foster care adoption may cost less than private infant or international adoption, but it’s still expensive.

Reality: Foster care adoption normally costs little or nothing. Click here for more information on how much it costs to adopt.

Myth: A biological parent can come to take an adopted child back.

Reality: This is a fear for two-thirds of the people considering adoption. However, biological parents have no way to gain back custody of the child or children once their parental rights are terminated.

Myth: Children enter foster care because they committed a crime.

Reality: This belief is held by 45 percent of Americans, but actually, children enter U.S. foster care through no fault of their own. Usually, they are victims of neglect, abandonment, or abuse.

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I thought it might also be valuable to share with you some of my favorite resources. When we were first considering this adventure, reading other’s personal accounts was invalueble to me. (And still is encouraging.) Here are some of my favorite blogs of families that have fostered or adopted kids:

• Proverbs 30:8 – K&D’s blog was what got me thinking more seriously about fostering. They have fostered several kids so far and are in the process of adopting two precious little boys.

• Foster Parenting Podcast – like a big nerd I listened to EVERY podcast from the past 4 years. (hey, i’m at my desk all day!) This couple has fostered more kids than I can keep track of and so far has adopted 2 sweet little girls. Tons of wisdom and perspective to share.

• Rage Against the Minivan – clever, raw, realistic portrayal of a family with 2 biological daughters, 1 son adopted through foster care and 1 son adopted from Haiti

• Ordinary Hero – mostly about international adoption (especially Ethiopia) but great fundraising opportunities for adoptive families

• The Anderson Crew – one of my favorite blogs already for the creative, crafty, photographic goodness but this family recently adopted a little girl from Ethiopia

• Faith Star Lite – a family in the process of adopting a little girl through foster care

• Adding Members – a family with 1 biological daughter, 1 daughter adopted through foster care and are currently still fostering children with hopes to adopt more due to infertility

• As for Me and My House – a family with a sweet testimony of adopting a baby girl through the foster care system with hopes to foster more. Written from the perspective of the oldest sister, which makes it extra sweet and interesting

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparing for Foster Kids: Technical Safety Precautions & General Household To Do List

06/02/2011

Here’s the part of preparing our home for foster kids that’s not as much fun to talk about or photograph as designing the bedroom. We have a checklist of things that need to be done in our home before an inspection. These requirements differ from state to state and agency to agency, I’m sure, but here are some of the things we had to buy/do:

• outlet covers on all of our electrical outlets
• cleaning supplies and chemicals stored in a locked cabinet
• all medications (including vitamins) stored in a locked box
• smoke detectors in various locations throughout the house
• carbon monoxide detector installed
• minimum 2.5 lb. fire extinguisher rated for class B and C
• hot water heater set lower than 120 degrees
• matches and knives inaccessible to children
• landline telephone available (we decided to sign up for Vonage for $15/month)
• flashlights in working order and accessible (we got a nightlight/emergency light/ flashlight)
• bedroom for child with proper clothing storage
• bedroom for child has a window
• separate bed and mattress for each child
• infant crib in compliance with government safety standards
• area rugs secured to floors; mirrors and wall hangings secured to walls
• internet adult sites inaccessible to children (we use Safe Eyes to block these sites)
• pets are up to date on all required vaccinations
• automobiles in safe operating condition
• vehicles equipped with child safety seats for infants/young children and booster seats for older children

So that’s only about half of the list, but it covers most of the main requirements. I was looking for this information online out of curiosity before we started the process so maybe someone else out there will benefit from seeing our list. We added to this list our personal list of projects to get done around the house before we welcome foster kids into our home:

• buy furniture (crib, bed, dresser, rugs) for the kids room
• hang book ledges (pictured above—I did this all myself! I’m very proud.)
• decorate kids room
• paint the kids room
• paint the rest of the house… or at least the master bedroom, living room, kitchen and hallway
• finish the fence blog post coming soon!
• close up all the gaps along the bottom of the fence so Lucy can’t wander away
• remove the dangerously sharp fireplace hearth  Booyah!
• get the electricity fixed in 2/3 of the house (this is a new development as of yesterday … stupid old wiring! Right now have 4.5 rooms without electricity … the kids room, my cloffice, both bathrooms and the ceiling light in the kitchen.)
• get a new vehicle – The Silver Bullet. Yay!
• build a new patio table we got a great deal on an already built one
• finish drywall and trim in Jason’s studio aux room
• finish drywall and paint in the laundry room
• clean out studio aux room and closet
• clean out our bedroom closet and dresser and give clothes to charity
• clean out cupboards
• clean and organize pantry

Ok, so most of the things on our personal list have nothing to do with preparing our house for kids EXCEPT that we want to have all of these things checked off our to do list so that once we have kids we can just relax and have fun in the evenings and on the weekends. Sounds like a nice dream, right?

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparing for Foster Kids: Versatility in Gear

05/26/2011

Like any first time parents, we’ve been scrambling to figure out what kind of equipment we need have in preparation for welcoming little ones into our house. Only with foster parenting we have the added complexity of not knowing whether we’re preparing for a newborn or a 5-year-old, since we’re opening our availability to kids anywhere in that age range. Being placed with a newborn – 1-year-old is less likely than a toddler or young child, so we’re limiting how many infant/baby items we bring into our cozy house at this point. As I’ve been researching, one word keeps coming to mind: VERSATILITY.

Crib to Toddler Bed
Cribs that convert into toddler beds seem to be the status quo these days, and for good reason since most kids are able to climb out of their crib by 2 years. Our SOMNAT has three options: a higher position for newborns, a low position for infants that can sit up or pull up to a stand, and a toddler bed with one crib side removed. (I can’t find any photos online of it set up like a toddler bed… the image on the right is a random Google search image.) Some cribs even convert into twin or double beds, using the crib sides and the headboard and footboard. We had other plans for a big kid bed though.

Low Bed to Loft or Bunk Bed
We decided on the popular KURA for kids too big for the SOMNAT. I’ve seen the KURA bed set up and even customized in many ways. I love that it can be a low bed, a loft bed or a bunk bed. Even in the loft/bunk set up the bed is not very tall so it’s a safer option for young children. According to IKEA the bunk shouldn’t be used for kids younger than 6 but I have friends who have used it with 3, 4 and 5 year olds with no issues. In the high bed position, the square footage under the bed is open for a second mattress or additional floor space. It can easily be closed off on the bottom to create a fun hiding place or to cover up a cluttered toy area.

Convertible Car Seats
Many friends have offered to loan us their car seats. INFANT car seats. Why? Because they’re only used for 8-12 months and then they’re stored for the next kid. When I started researching car seats I was amazed to learn that there are car seats that go from newborn up to 70 lbs—the whole range of kids we’re likely to foster parent! I’ve heard all the benefits of being able to tote a sleeping baby around in an infant carrier but for foster parents, a convertible car seat is perfect. If we have an infant and feel like an infant car seat would be helpful, I’m glad to know that so many people have them in storage. My friend Susan recommends the Britax Marathon because it’s “really sturdy, easy to clean, easy to install & versatile for sizes newborn to 65-70 pounds.” We were gifted a perfect black one. I’m confident that we’ll be needing a second one at some point so if anyone wants to buy us another one, I like this cowmooflage one… just saying. (SIDENOTE: Getting bedding, car seats, strollers, clothing, etc. in unisex colors is obviously the most economical option for any parents who are planning on having more than one child.)

Strollers
There is a lot of room for personal preferences here but I love the simple yet hearty Jeep umbrella stroller my mom and I found at a yard sale recently. (Similar to this, pictured above but black and without all the accessories.) There are lots of fancy stroller options out there, including ones that work specifically with infant carriers, but I survived infancy being worn in backpack-style carrier and pushed around in a simple fabric umbrella stroller. Cheaper, lighter, smaller. I don’t have the age/weight specs on mine since it was second hand but I suspect this will work for all kids 1-5 with no problem. If/when we have 2 kids, I’ll be keeping an eye on craigslist for one of those fancy Sit & Stand strollers (like this one) that can tote two+ kids from newborn – 45 lbs and have lots of storage.

High Chairs
This Eddie Bauer foldable booster seat was recommended to me by my friend K for it’s portability and ease of storage. Our friends Renata and Sean convinced us we should get a Stokke chair. They’re as pricy as the Britax car seats but with sturdy wood construction and an adaptable design to work for an infant, a child and an adult, it’s considered a lifetime chair. We inquired about one on craigslist but didn’t hear back and while we were at IKEA we semi-impulsively (I had it on my baby wishlist) bought the ANTILOP high chair and tray for $25. The seat base is a bit bulky but the legs pop off so it can be stored pretty easily. The style matches our other dining chairs and the tray means we can move the seat around and we don’t need to find a placemat solution, though these work great with our friends’ Stokke. Did I mention the Stokke high chair comes in a bunch of colors?

These are the 5 key pieces of baby/child gear I come up with. Can you think of anything else to add? If you are preparing to become a foster parent or looking for gift ideas for a new foster parent of young children, remember: versatility, versatility, versatility. Books, audio CDs, DVDs, dishes (kids utensils, sippy cups), bibs and classic toys (blocks, puzzles, stuffed animals, musical instruments, cars, dolls) can also be added to the list of items that can be used for a wide range of ages.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Baby (Child) Shower for a New Foster Mom

05/18/2011

A couple weeks ago some friends threw me a lovely “Baby” Shower. It’s kind of unusual circumstances; at least in my circle of friends it’s the first shower for a foster mom that I’ve ever heard of. There definitely have been a lot of things we’ve needed to purchase to prepare and we’re just like expectant parents in a lot of ways. It was very sweet and generous of these friends (and family) to bless us. My friend Jenna hosted the shower at her house with the help of my sister-in-law Ginger and another friend Katelyn. Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of the three of them (or me)! Boo.

Jenna took these pictures of the decor. The food table was decorated with books. Tons of books (for us)!

Foam letters were super cute as window decorations and will be fun bath toys for the littles:

Jenna also crafted this sweet mobile:

The food for the shower was make-your-own ice cream sundaes. Hello! All kind of yummy toppings and waffle cone bowls. Yummo!

Angela (and baby in the belly) and my mom:

My mother-in-law enjoying a sundae. (Sorry I didn’t get better pictures.)

Rachel, my niece Eliza and my mom. At least half the pictures I took were of my niece. What can I say, Aunt Martina is enamored!

Leila with Eliza. Leila is soon to become a new mom through infant adoption. I hope we’re throwing a shower for her soon!

Everyone brought a book signed with a special message instead of cards. Between these special books and the ones used as table decorations, we now have a great book collection for our kiddos. I love Dr. Seuss. Yay!

I got all kinds of thoughtful and generous gifts. My mom put together a medical kit from Nurse Memaw and paid for our first car seat. My mother-in-law gave us a gift card for Amazon.com (where I’m keeping a wish list of kids stuff!) and my sister- and brother-in-law paid for the crib I’ve been drooling over for a while now:

This shop & play cover from Angela was a very clever gift and one that hadn’t occurred to me. It’s a shopping cart cover and a restaurant high chair cover. It can also be used as a play mat. Plus it’s farm/fruit/vegetable theme since we love to garden.

I love the compact portability of this booster seat from Rachel. If we get an infant or young toddler we might also want to get a foldable high chair with a tray.

Leila got us finger paints and bath toys. Get covered in paint and go straight into the tub. I like the way she thinks!

Angela also gave us this sweet baby blanket. Animals on one side and blue, green and tan stripes on the other. Perfect match!

Jenna and Katelyn got us this awesome pack-n-play with a bassinet and mobile option. I love the pattern.

My favorite big sister, who is also a soon-to-be mama, sent me this fun stuff from my Amazon wish list. I am really excited about this puppy backpack. I can’t wait to see one of our little ones bopping around with it on his or her back. Also, magnetic cabinet locks, outlet covers, and a chalkboard eraser and dustless (!) chalk for our chalkboard door.

And my sister- and brother-in-law keep giving us random things like a set of Mrs. Potato Heads, play doh, baby wipes and a sound machine/night light for a crib. I can’t keep track of it all. Needless to say, we are very blessed! We’ve got the greatest friends and family. I’m so excited to welcome these special kids into our lives. They’re going to be surrounded with an instant community of love and support.

6 Comments | Art, Art: kids room, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Extended Family and Friends, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Me | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Gift Ideas for New Foster Parents

05/12/2011

A lot of people have been asking us what we need and how they can help. A group of my closest friends even threw me a little “baby” shower. (That deserves it’s own post…as soon as I can track down some decent pictures! I did take this one of my awesome niece. She’s not so sure about that camera I’m sticking her face. Don’t mess with her, she’ll punch your lights out.) So, in case you know some new foster parents and are looking for ways to bless them, I’m sharing what I’ve learned. Please note: this is NOT a plea for more stuff. We have almost all we need already covered. Also, this list is slanted toward newborn-5, our age range.

Before the first child arrives, what to get:
books, books, books
kids CDs for the car, for dancing around the house, for night time
games
car seats
child proofing safety items (outlet covers, medicine lock box, night light, cabinet locks, etc.)
kids tableware
rocking chair
infant and child medical kit
bath toys
staple toys (blocks, cars, dolls, puzzles, instruments)
stroller
movies
bedding
towels
booster seat
shopping cart / high chair cover

Before the first child arrives, what NOT to get:
gender specific items (this mainly applies to sparkly pink and purple things)
items with a limited age range (mainly infant items)
big toys (take up too much space)
clothes

Child-specific gifts / After a child is placed, what to get:
attachment building helpers (photo albums, snapfish gift cards, vouchers for outings)
child specific clothes*
child specific toys*
age specific equipment (lots of fancy gear out there for newborns, for example)
thoughtful, encouraging card
offer to babysit
meals
duffle bag, suitcase or backpack (to keep personal belongs in if moved to another home)

*Foster parents are given a stipend specifically intended for clothing and allowance for children. With our agency, we’re required to spend at least $1 a day on clothing and a $1 a day on fun things for each child. Some children come with a lot of toys and clothing already, especially if they’re moving from one foster home to another. Sometimes they only come with the clothing on their backs. Check with the parents to see if clothing is a need. Same goes for toys. Keep in mind anything purchased for the child after his or her arrival belongs to the child and goes with him or her if reunification happens. Gifts purchased before a child arrives are considered family gifts and stay with the foster parents.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Preparing a Bedroom for Foster Kids: Floor Plan

04/28/2011

The Challenge:
Gender neutral: We are choosing to be prepared for a boy or a girl
Age range: We are choosing to be prepared for newborn through age 5
Two?: We may consider taking a sibling set of 2. And/or we might have a child biological in the midst of this foster parenting adventure.

The Space:
Our kids room is only 10’x11′. But… I love living in a smallish house and the design challenges that require creative solutions. (See cloffice.) Knowing that we want to fit a crib and a big kid bed in the same room, I’m planning on getting a SOMNAT crib (2.5’x4.5″) and a KURA twin bed (3.5’x6.5′) that can be flipped over into a loft/bunk bed, both from IKEA. We already have a sturdy vintage 2 drawer nightstand and a vintage yellow table lamp. We plan to add a 4×6 rug, a chair for reading books, shelves and a changing table height dresser (maybe IKEA MALM if we can’t find a vintage option).

The Configuration:
Key: gray box is the 4×6 rug; green circle is a footstool, KURA is the twin bed, blue box SOMNAT is the crib, the white box with yellow circle and blue/gray oval is the painted nightstand with the yellow lamp and CD player, RIBBA are picture ledges from IKEA that we’ll use as book shelves, light blue box is a floor-length mirror, MALM is a short dresser from IKEA or better yet—a mid-century walnut or teak one. The left side, bottom is where the double, sliding-door closet is located.

Idea 1: My original solution. I taped out the beds on the floor, placed a chair and the little nightstand and it feels like there is very little floor space.

Idea 2: I like this but I have a feeling putting the twin bed and crib up against each other won’t work if we have 2 kids sharing this space. (I’m thinking older kid dropping things on the baby.) But… could be great if we just have 1 at a time.

Idea 3: I like how this opens up some floor space but the dresser backed up against the end of the crib makes me a little nervous. Plus the drawers would open right into the doorway. I’d have to see this one in person to be convinced.

Idea 4: Dresser, bookshelves and rocking chair are too crowded.

Idea 5: Put a changing table height dresser in the closet. This might work but we’ll lose a lot of closet space. Currently this closet is 1/2 space for kid stuff and 1/2 adult stuff (file cabinet, coats, box of winter accessories and games.)

Idea 6: Almost there with this one but I feel like the dresser would crowd the crib into the corner too much and make the reading nook feel closed off.

Idea 7: I think this is the winner! My only concern with this was having the twin bed in front of the window but we decided this should be fine. It’s at the foot end of the bed anyway. This floor plan allows for the biggest open area of play space on the floor. Yay!

3 Comments | Art, Art: Bedoom for Foster Kids, Art: interior design, Art: kids room, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

The Long & Short of It: We are Becoming Parents

04/21/2011

You read that right the other day (if you made it all the way to the last line), Jason and I are becoming foster parents. I feel the need to explain why we’re doing this crazy thing. It’s not because we can’t have kids biologically or that we’re impatient with trying (though that might be a valid reason for some people.) It’s not because we want to adopt and becoming foster parents is an easier and cheaper way to do it (though it is definitely cheaper and in some ways might be easier.) Our reason is ultimately because God has called us to do this. He has put it heavily on our hearts the past few months and has made it clear that this is His plan for us. We probably will have kids biologically some day. We probably will adopt one day. But today, we are moving down the path of becoming foster parents.

Our pastor Lindell Cooley often says God can’t steer a parked car. Jason and I have talked about adoption occasionally over the last decade but this past year we started researching it and talking about it more. Through online exploration we found our way to foster care and I felt a new door creak open in my heart, revealing a passion God had been quietly working on for many years. We talked about it, prayed about it and took the first step of faith by calling around to the local foster care agencies to find out where we’d be a good fit and how to get started. The car moved into drive and God has been steering it ever since. It’s picking up momentum and we’re fully trusting Father that it’s going to be an exciting, amazing ride, and though scary at times, we know He is in control and lovingly directing us.

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Here’s how it works, in case you’re as unfamiliar with the foster care system as we were a few months ago. When child abuse or neglect is discovered kids are removed from their parents and taken into state custody. The state makes every effort to locate another family member or family friend who can care for the kids. If no family member can be found, the kids will be placed with foster parents who are licensed and trained by the state. The goal in almost all cases is for the kids to eventually be reunified with their birthparents. The birthparents are given an outline of the aspects of their lives that need to get in order over a certain timeline so they can get their kids back. There is a real ministry opportunity for foster parents to build relationships with birthparents to encourage them and cheer them on towards restoration of their family. A judge with the guidance of case workers and lawyers will determine if and when the kids can be returned to their birthparents. If the parents are unable or unwilling to comply with the courts, sometimes their parental rights are terminated. (Around 25% of the time.) At that point, the children become legally free to adopt and the state tries to find a permanent home for them. The foster parents are typically the first choice if they are willing to adopt because the kids already have formed healthy, loving attachments there.

Our plans are to open our home up to a child or sibling set of 2 (they try really hard to keep siblings together) up to age 5. We understand and support that the goal in most cases is for the kids to be reunified with their parents. However, if we are caring for any kids who become adoptable, we will likely adopt them. The state covers all costs for adoption and offers foster parents a daily stipend to assist with costs for child care (food, clothing, medical expenses, etc.) There is minimal monetary cost to us through this process but the potential emotional cost is high. We have 3 more weeks of training, then 30 days or so of home studies. We should be certified and can take our first placement by sometime in June.

The most common reason I hear for why someone says they could never be  foster parent is that it would hurt too much to fall in love with a child and then have to let him or her go. I know it’s true. It will hurt. It will probably tear our hearts out. It might just kill us. Maybe everyday. I’m pretty sure that’s God’s plan. Because the more we die, the more He can live in us and through us. These kids need the kind of unconditional love, acceptance, healing, restoration, patience, forgiveness and joy that we, in our human limitations, cannot offer. But God can. He is more than able to take care of His babies. He will take care of these dear little ones. He will take care of us. He will take care of you.

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How you can help:

Pray for us. We’ll take all the strength, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, energy, unity, etc. that God is willing to pour out.

Pray for the kids. There are approx. 9,000 kids in foster care in Tennessee right now. And probably many more who are in abusive situations that have not yet been reported. Pray for their safety and protection. Pray for their salvation. Pray that they would be moved to a better situation. Pray against fear, bitterness, lies from the enemy.

Pray for the parents. Pray for wisdom and good decisions, for restoration and salvation. Pray for humility to ask for help and resources to meet their needs and their kids needs.

Pray for more foster and adoptive parents. There are kids here in Tennessee and every state, babies not yet born all across the US, and children all around the world who need homes. I can’t wait for the day when there are waiting lists of foster parents in this country because there are more safe homes ready to accept children than there are hurting kids who need loving parents. I believe it will happen someday. I’ve heard a statistic that if 1 family out of every Christian church in the United States would foster children, there would be no more kids waiting for homes in this country.

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Will this affect my blog? Yes. How—I’m not sure yet. Even though my blog tagline is “musings on a life inspired by art, faith and family” I realize most of my posts are home related. Foster parenting weighs heavier on the faith and family side of things, however art is infused through every aspect of our lives and our home is our favorite canvas. For now, I’m planning on writing about our foster parenting journey at least once a week. We’re currently in the rapid-pace process of education and training, going to appointments, and filling out stacks of paperwork. We are also in hyper-nesting mode preparing our home with projects (like the chalkboard door, repainting the nightstand, finishing up the fence) and researching and shopping for kid stuff (like strollers, cribs, beds, car seats, toys). So I’ve got plenty of bloggy material, is what I’m saying. If you’d like to hear more or less about our foster parenting adventure, please let me know in the comment section below.

(Image above is from Petit Collage. I won a gift certificate for the shop from Design Mom last year and got this alphabet poster among other things.)

10 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

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