A Precious Update

10/12/2011

I haven’t said much about the case of Precious, what we’re expecting to happen for her or how everything has been going. It’s been 3 weeks—is that all?!—and we’ve fallen completely, hopelessly in love with this little 13.5 pound bundle of slobbery smiles. I mentioned that a lot of sadness was stirred up initially as we realized how much we were still missing Ladybug. That has improved. We still think about her everyday and I’m sure we’ll always have a hole in our hearts from the chunk our first child took with us when she left. But we’re doing better.

There is some exciting news about Precious. She needs to be adopted! However, we’re not the for-sure top choice for her. All of the options have to be presented and ultimately a judge will make the decision about what he thinks is best for her. The decision is very “legal”… by that I mean, it’s not like the judge is going to look at who we are and compare that to someone else and decide who would be the best fit or be able to offer her the most ideal life. It’s more like “does this person have any stronger biological ties than this person” and “is there a necessary cause to move her out of the home she’s already in” and “does she already have a relationship with these people.” That’s my take on it anyway.

So… that’s exciting. And nerve-wracking. And it’s one of the precipices I was referring to on Monday. Sounds like there is a pretty good chance—75% maybe?—that we will have the opportunity to adopt her. Someone asked me the other day, “Are you ready for that?” which puzzles me a little bit. Are we ready for that? I don’t think adopting her is going to be any harder than fostering her… I mean, I have been fondly referring to foster parenting as “the torture program” lately. Fost-adopt parents please enlighten me… is parenting an adopted child harder than foster parenting? Is anything? Just kidding.

9 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Floods, Thieves and Babies

10/06/2011

Remember the story of our friends and neighbors Jeremy and Leila who lost their house in the Nashville Flood of 2010? And then suffered another loss when their rented temporary home was burgarlized last Christmas? (Actually, I didn’t blog about that but it sucked.) Then they finally got to rebuild their dream house? Well, they have some exciting news… they’re adopting a baby!

I’ll be honest…I kind of hate the idea of fundraising for an adoption…maybe more so I hate that money is a road block for so many. But I also get it. It’s super expensive and there are a lot of people who understand the heart of adoption and want to help out in some way other than adopting a child themselves. Jeremy and Leila are a couple of the sweetest people we know. They’re quick to help others and slow to ask for help. They had planned to save and pay for this adoption all on their own but the 3 situations above have cut a painful chunk out of their savings. I know it’s very humbling for them to have to ask for help.

They finished their home study process just a few months ago and were anticipating a fairly long wait before they were matched with a birthmother. Last week they got a call that they were 1 of 2 top choices for a birthmother due in 2 months. They met her on Friday night. On Sunday night they got a call to inform them that she chose them, AND she was being admitted to the hospital with contractions, AND she’s actually due in just 1 month. WHOA! Talk about a whirlwind. Thankfully, the contractions were just Braxton Hicks and the bun is still in the oven. However, our friends now have just a few weeks to collect the funds they need (several $1000 more) before the baby is born. Baby boy will be full-term (37 weeks) next week so it could be any day now.

I know most of you probably don’t know J and Leila but I’m guessing a bunch of you have a place in your hearts for adoption and can sympathize with their crazy past year. Would you please pray for them… Pray that the finances come in in time, for peace and courage for them and the birthmother, for the baby boy to be born healthy at just the right time. And if you have it in your heart to take a step further, any little bit, even $5, could really help them out. More about their story and how to donate here.

5 Comments | Art, Art: CBB 3.0, Family, Family: Extended Family and Friends | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Empowered to Connect

09/27/2011

I wish I had some more artsy home-related projects to write about to balance out all this foster parenting business but I don’t. Our goal was to get the house pretty well de-projected before we started having kids since we knew we wouldn’t have as much time for crazy home renovations. So that’s where we are right now. Anyhow…

Over the weekend, my mom and I went to a conference called Empowered to Connect. The main speaker was Dr. Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child. It was without a doubt, the best conference I’ve ever been to. I feel like I learned SO MUCH. Dr. P is a great speaker and such a sweet, sincere, funny, smart woman. I think we all fell in love with her. The principles she teaches for parenting kids from hard places are really great. They are so love-based and wise. Also time-tested as she’s been using them with great results for over 30 years. Lots of  “duh” moments over the weekend, as I realized why a lot of conventional discipline practices are counter-productive with traumatized kids. I cried. I laughed. I really do feel more empowered to connect.

Here are a few little nuggets of goodness that won’t come close to doing justice to how great this conference was. Seriously, if you’re a foster or adoptive parent and you ever have a chance to hear Karyn Purvis speak: GO.

• It takes about 1 month of intensive care and training per year old the child is to reverse the affects of abuse, neglect and trauma. (Example: a 4 year old needs 4 months of focused attention to get to a place of earned secure attachment.)

• Bad behavior always has a purpose. What is the need that’s driving the misbehavior? Help your child develop a voice.

• Giving a child choices and compromises gives them a voice and returns their preciousness.

• Sharing power (through compromising, giving choices, etc.) proves that it’s your power to share; it doesn’t take it away.

• With a biological child, you have 2 years of saying “yes” 100,000x before you start saying “no” for the first time

• Say “yes” to your child as much as possible, especially during the honeymoon period

• If you cut your child off when you’re upset (through timeouts or silence), you are teaching him to do the same thing to you when he’s older rather than dealing with and resolving conflict.

• Always level your response at your child’d behavior, not their preciousness; never let your child’s preciousness be up for grabs.

• Regarding your facial expressions when you’re changing your child’s stinky diaper… “I want my children to know that even when they’re covered in their own *stuff*, they’re still precious to me.”

3 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Foster Parenting: Myths, Facts and Resources

06/09/2011

The Dave Thomas Foundation has a great little article called Myths & Realities about foster parenting. Here are a few of them:

Myth: Foster care adoption may cost less than private infant or international adoption, but it’s still expensive.

Reality: Foster care adoption normally costs little or nothing. Click here for more information on how much it costs to adopt.

Myth: A biological parent can come to take an adopted child back.

Reality: This is a fear for two-thirds of the people considering adoption. However, biological parents have no way to gain back custody of the child or children once their parental rights are terminated.

Myth: Children enter foster care because they committed a crime.

Reality: This belief is held by 45 percent of Americans, but actually, children enter U.S. foster care through no fault of their own. Usually, they are victims of neglect, abandonment, or abuse.

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I thought it might also be valuable to share with you some of my favorite resources. When we were first considering this adventure, reading other’s personal accounts was invalueble to me. (And still is encouraging.) Here are some of my favorite blogs of families that have fostered or adopted kids:

• Proverbs 30:8 – K&D’s blog was what got me thinking more seriously about fostering. They have fostered several kids so far and are in the process of adopting two precious little boys.

• Foster Parenting Podcast – like a big nerd I listened to EVERY podcast from the past 4 years. (hey, i’m at my desk all day!) This couple has fostered more kids than I can keep track of and so far has adopted 2 sweet little girls. Tons of wisdom and perspective to share.

• Rage Against the Minivan – clever, raw, realistic portrayal of a family with 2 biological daughters, 1 son adopted through foster care and 1 son adopted from Haiti

• Ordinary Hero – mostly about international adoption (especially Ethiopia) but great fundraising opportunities for adoptive families

• The Anderson Crew – one of my favorite blogs already for the creative, crafty, photographic goodness but this family recently adopted a little girl from Ethiopia

• Faith Star Lite – a family in the process of adopting a little girl through foster care

• Adding Members – a family with 1 biological daughter, 1 daughter adopted through foster care and are currently still fostering children with hopes to adopt more due to infertility

• As for Me and My House – a family with a sweet testimony of adopting a baby girl through the foster care system with hopes to foster more. Written from the perspective of the oldest sister, which makes it extra sweet and interesting

1 Comment | Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

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