“Am I struggling with infertility?”

06/23/2011

Alternate Title: Why We’re Foster Parenting

I’ve been asked this question a few times lately in regards to our foster parenting motives and we suspect many other people are wondering (or making assumptions) but not asking. So, here’s my answer: no.

I know this an be a sensitive matter to some people so I’ll tread lightly; this is just my personal position on the matter. There are two parts to that phrase “struggling with infertility.” I’ve haven’t, in recent years, been tested for or officially diagnosed with any reproductive problems. I suppose some people would consider not getting pregnant after a year of “not trying not to”—as we like to put it—to be infertility. I have no use for this label as I’m not interested in treatment for this problem… because I’m not treating it like a problem. Either I get pregnant or I don’t—Jason and I have chosen to leave that up to God. We are completely at peace with that. So am I struggling? I hope it’s obvious that I am not.

There were times last year when I struggled a bit. After medically preventing babies for a decade, letting my body “reset” to it’s natural rhythm was interesting. At times I thought I had it figured out and I could control what would happen. Other times I was frustrated and bewildered. With my husband’s gentle urging I chose to really, fully let go of control of this area of our lives and trust God with it.

That was about a year ago. At that point, I never would have guessed that Jason and I would now be on the cusp of becoming foster parents. It just wasn’t on our radar at all. We figured we’d have a couple babies, build an addition on to our house, then maybe adopt a little girl from China. Or something along those lines. I can see how it might look from the outside like we’re substituting foster parenting for infertility treatment. After all, becoming foster parents certainly was part of the bursting of my perfect life plan bubble. But desperation to have children, it is not. God had other plans for us. If I had gotten pregnant right away, I probably wouldn’t have been interested in considering adoption or foster care at the point when God opened our hearts to the need. Somehow that little seed grew into a passion.

Honestly, I’m so busy with everything else going on in my life right now that I really couldn’t care less whether or not I get pregnant. Sure, if it happened we would be excited and happy. But if it never happens, that really is A-ok with us. What I’ve been learning—and believe me, I’m not all the way there yet!—is that this really isn’t about me and what I want. This, this life (marriage, family, work, friendships…) is not all about me getting what I want. As a Christian, if I want God to use me for something big, it’s essential that I grasp this concept. Foster parenting for Jason and I is not about “getting” kids because we just want to be parents. It’s about kids that need some adults to step up and be parents and to love on them. A couple of artists from East Nashville that like gardening and thrift store shopping just might be the perfect fit for some kiddos going through a really rough patch in their young lives.

10 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Overdue

06/22/2011

Last year Jason and I celebrated 7 years of marriage and 11 years since our first date. It was our 7-11 year. I had been wanting to get some professional pictures done. It was time; we hadn’t had any done since our wedding. Sitting in front of a backdrop at a department store isn’t our thing so we commissioned our friend Beth Rose, who is an awesome photographer, to do some lifestyle portraits for us. And I had the perfect idea. A 7-Eleven photo shoot. I envisioned a local Slurpee selling gas station as our setting. Problem is, there aren’t ANY 7-Elevens in Nashville. None in Atlanta where we go to IKEA. None in Naples, FL where we went on vacation last year. None in Cincinnati where we frequently visit our friends. So I shelved the idea. Then, over Christmas we planned to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Emmaus, PA. Before our trip, I looked it up and sure enough, there is a 7-Eleven right near his house. I had a new solution: bring Slurpee cups back home and do the photo in Nashville in the spring. BR was game. (The cup designs exceeded my expectations!) I convinced myself that as long as we did the shoot before May, it was technically still our 7-11 year. But, I’m overdue in sharing these since we’re now absolutely in our 8-12 year. Ah well. But now that you know the back story, the cups will make sense.

(Cup-free pictures were posted here.)

I’m thinking of getting one of the three above (where the cups are prominent) blown up to poster size for something funky/different for the house. Leaning towards the 2nd from the bottom. Do you have a favorite?

All photos by Beth Rose Photography bethrose.com

5 Comments | Art, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

A Picture of Our Lives Right Now

06/15/2011

I may have over-promised by calling this a funny story. We’ll see… if nothing else it’s a long story.

Last week when I met with our home study writer for my individual interview, we realized that Tuesday was our only option for the next/last appointment. I opened Jason’s calendar to June 14th and said, “Oh, that’s our anniversary.” Ms. Lady insisted we couldn’t have our appointment then. “But it’ll only take an hour, right?” I suggested. I mean, we’re not real fancy anniversary celebrators anyway. We go out for dinner. Sometimes exchange a small gift or a card. Well, she was not having it. No way was she going to interrupt our anniversary evening. It’s an off-deadline (less intense) week at my work so we settled on Tuesday morning and I’d work from home the rest of the day.

Jason and I have a tradition of getting either fondue ($$$), usually at the Melting Pot, or sushi ($), usually at RuSan’s, on our anniversary. It’s a ($) year so we made tentative plans to go out to a movie with our Living Social coupon (2 tix for $9!) and get dinner at RuSan’s, our favorite sushi place. Perfect, easy date night.

Then, on Monday I got a call from our electrician asking it was OK if she came Tuesday evening. I hesitated for a few seconds, then said, yes. Why? Because 2 weeks ago, while Jason was installing a new track lighting system in our kitchen, we had an electrical explosion. (See picture above.) The result was some burned 50-year-old+ wiring and no lights in 2/3 of our house. (The problem was likely some brittle old wires had been arching and eventually touched.)

(Our temporary bathroom light)

It took a week and a half for our schedules to line up so the electrician could even get out to our house to diagnose the problem. (Rightfully so, people who don’t have power to essential appliances like A/C or refridgerators get priority.) So when she asked if she could come Tuesday night, you better believe I didn’t mention to her that it was our anniversary.

(Running power to my cloffice)

Change of plans. Since I was working from home yesterday, after our 20-minute home study appointment Jason and I exchanged gifts (he got me a handmade-with-local-stone necklace and earrings from his recent trip to Alaska) and I gave him this “card.” Then, we dropped off my car to get the brakes fixed. After work, we went out for a geriatric dinner (translation: it was 4:30 pm) at RuSan’s so we could be back in time to meet the electrician at 6:30pm. And guess what? She got caught up longer than expected at her previous job and wasn’t able to make it out last night. Sigh.

(My pretty present from Jason)

Jason asked me if this was all ok. My response: This is a perfect picture of our lives right now. And a memorable (though not bad) 8th anniversary for sure!

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Posted by mahlbrandt

8 Years

06/14/2011

Happy Anniversary, Jason. You are my best friend, my biggest encourager, my rock. You make me laugh and feel loved like no one else. I think we’re a great team. Like peanut butter and jelly, you and me. I’m so glad to be by your side on this crazy adventure! I’ll forever be your wifey and you’ll always be my right hand man.

All photos by Beth Rose Photography bethrose.com

(One more photo and “8 Things We’ve Learned in 8 Year” here.)

A funny story about how we celebrated our anniversary will be coming tomorrow.


2 Comments | Art, Family, Family: Jason, Family: Me | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Free Marriage Advice: 8 Things We’ve Learned in 8 Years

06/08/2011

(Photo above is by Beth Rose Photography. Hopefully I’ll have a bunch more to share from this shoot soon!)

As our 8th wedding anniversary approaches (it’s Tuesday!) I thought I’d share some nuggets of marriage goodness Jason and I have gathered the past few years. In our opinion, we have a pretty awesome marriage. We’re not marriage experts but you get what you pay for! Here we go:

1. Share a sink
Now, if your master bathroom already has two sinks you might as well use them. But Jason and I always thought it was pretty silly when some couples go through a lot of trouble to make sure they each have their own sink. We also have one relatively small closet. It’s about sharing. It’s about moderation. These are important values to us.

2. Turn off the car radio
Actually, it rarely gets turned on in the first place when we’re together. It’s not a “rule” but just something that we’ve gotten in the habit of. Jason and I have had most of our best discussions in the car. The uninterrupted alone time is precious and perfect for debating, dreaming and digging into important issues.

3. Do home repairs together
Not only do DIY projects save money and increase our skills, they force us to work together as a team. Sometimes we get frustrated, grumpy, tired but we’re able to encourage each other, brainstorm and troubleshoot, and ultimately celebrate our finished project together.

4. Don’t let each other get away with crap
We have chosen to lovingly, gently hold each other accountable. It’s been a process learning the “lovingly, gently” part of this and even more so, how to receive the constructive criticism without defensiveness. It’s one of the greatest gifts we have given each other. No one cares more about your personal success than your spouse.

The next 4 are things we were told before we got married so we can’t take any credit for these ideas:

5. Go on date nights
I think it was my parents that suggested this. Even though we don’t have kids yet, date nights have proven to be worth the extra commitment on our budget sheet. Sometimes we really just need some time away together that doesn’t involve work (dishes, cooking, tiling, gardening, etc.). We always come back home feeling more in love.

6. Pray together / pray for each other
“Couples that pray together, stay together” is the old saying and apparently it’s statistically true, too. I can’t say we’re great at making time to pray together but praying for each other is a huge priority in our house. It means so much to me when I catch Jason praying over me at night (when he thinks I’m sleeping). And I know it blesses him knowing that I get up early most mornings and spend time praying for him in his studio.

7. Be the first to say you’re sorry
Because being right and holding your ground really isn’t worth it.

8. Don’t quit your marriage
Way to end on a high note, huh? Seriously, I think all marriage couples have times—fights, incidents, rough patches—that make us want to just walk out the door and never look back. Humans are selfish by nature. We want what we want, when we want it. We’ve never allowed divorce or separation to be an option worth considering. It’s just out of the question for us. We have to make a choice to resist selfishness everyday and to put each other above ourselves. That is love.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Full of Hot Air

06/07/2011

Over Memorial Day weekend I went with Jason down to the Hot Air Balloon festival in Decatur, Alabama. Jason was playing with Guy Penrod so the guys got the VIP treatment in an air conditioned RV (it really wasn’t very fancy) while the wives and kids wandered around in the heat and enjoyed all the arts and crafts, bouncy houses and greasy food. The highlight of the day—besides the concert, of course—was when all the hot air balloon suddenly started popping up out of the ground. At least that’s what it looked like.

This first one was my favorite.

Up it goes…

I wonder who sponsored that one?

Thanks Decatur! The balloons were lovely.

The night ended with fireworks—which I LOOOVE—a cheese pizza and a long drive home. Thankfully Jason let me sleep because I was beat.

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Posted by mahlbrandt

Jason’s Childhood Favorite Toys: Definitely Dinosaurs

05/25/2011

Little Jason was a dinosaur enthusiast. He and his little brother Dan had a collection of a particular kind of dinosaurs called Definitely Dinosaurs made by Playskool. Jason and his brothers also had every boy and unisex toy and game manufactered in the 1980s and early 90s. Nerf guns, sit-n-spin, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Ghostbusters gear, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Super Soakers…you name it, they had it. Anyway… most of that stuff is long gone but his mom saved the Definitely Dinosaurs for him. Since we’re going to have kiddos around the ranch soon she brought them over. I cleaned them up and took some photos before putting them away in toy storage.

The official Definitely Dinosaur crew:

With their 5 Caveman comrades:

And with a few inferior-quality friends. Every dino collection needs a T-Rex. And a … a … whatever that little guy on the left is:

I’m really glad Jason’s mom saved these. I’m also glad they’re still in great shape and they’re really durable toys so we don’t have to worry about sentimental childhood toys getting ruined by our kids.

3 Comments | Art, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Classic, Spicy, Delicious Breakfast

05/17/2011

Poached eggs are the new fad around this mid-century modern ranch. Jason, who is a wonderfully creative cook, came up with this twist on the classic poached egg and toast.

Poach an egg the way you always do. We use a deep skillet with a few inches of water and a splash of apple cider vinegar and gentle slide the egg into the water when it’s at a gentle boil. Figuring out when it’s done is not an art we’ve perfected yet. Place the poached egg on a piece of buttered toast. Sprinkle with sharp cheddar cheese, dill, salt & pepper, and a few drops of Louisiana Jalepeño Hot Sauce. (Side note: Best brand of hot sauce EVER. I thought I didn’t like hot sauce until I had Lousiana Hot Sauce. Great flavor and not overly hot.)

Easy peasy. And it’s truly yummy! In fact, I want one right now just thinking about it…

1 Comment | Art, Art: Cooking, Family, Family: Jason | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

The Silver Bullet

05/11/2011

Yes, that’s right: not only have we become minivan people but I insisted that we pose in front of the Silver Bullet for a picture. We used the auto-timer and my gorillapod so no innocent bystander was affect by our dorkiness. Don’t mind Jason’s work clothes; I caught him between projects.

I’d like to take a few moments to brag on my husband’s awesome negotiating skills. The dealership was asking $7900 for this van, about $1000 more than the KBB value. Our maximum budget was $5000. And really, Jason was aiming for $4000. He decided to lay his cards out on the table right from the start because in this case, there really was no room to meet in the middle. If he had offered $3000, they may have been insulted. His old car was worth between $1000-2000. We tried to sell it on craigslist but it was unappealing to most buyers because it needed some serious repair to the under-carriage. So Jason’s initial offer was that we’d pay $5000 for the van and they’d give us $1000 for our trade-in. Their first counter-offer was $6200. Jason says they went back and forth several times and his offer never changed. $4000 for the van with our trade-in. Firm. Finally, they said the best they could do was $5200. Jason said thanks and left. As he was walking to his car, he faintly heard over the garbled intercomm, “Call customer back.” One of the sales guys tried to wave him back in but he ignored him and drove off of the lot. Before he reached the main road, his phone was ringing. The sales manager was on the other end (the guy that sits in the little booth and sends the counter offers) begging him to come back. He said they could do $4000 plus taxes and fees (coming out to a little less than $4600), insisting that he’d be making no money on this van. My reaction: Yeah right. Then why did he call back? I am so proud of my husband! I think three major factors that allowed him to get such a good deal in case any of you out there are looking for some car buying tips. 1.) Jason had cash and was prepared to pay that day. 2.) He knew what he wanted to pay and stayed calm and confident. 3.) He was truly willing to walk away.

Why did we want a minivan? Jason has always liked driving vans, while I’m more of a small car fan. There were several motivators that convinced me to hop on board the minivan train:
• room for more people (obviously)
• better gas milage than an SUV
• room for transporting furniture home from estate sales and thrift stores (yay!)
• space for transporting lumber and supplies for home projects (did you see this craziness?!)
• Jason’s sedan was slowly falling apart
• enough space for two kids plus Jason’s music gear

Because of our desire to be able to transport lots of stuff in the van, we’re super excited about the stow-n-go feature in this Dodge Grand Caravan. In less than 30 seconds, the back row of seats can be folded down and disappear into the floor of the van. The two bucket seats in the middle do the same thing, although we haven’t tried them yet. Basically it can become a cargo van in a matter of minutes without us having to remove and store heavy, bulky seats. I love smart design! We’re not “car people” and we generally don’t care much about what kind of car we’re driving. As long as it’s paid for, it gets us around reliably and it serves our transport needs; we’re happy.

Now I need to practice parking this big ol’ bullet.

7 Comments | Art, Art: modern design, Family, Family: Jason | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

Just Across the Way

05/10/2011

Sorry for the lack of blogging yesterday. We’ve been busy, y’all! Buying a minivan, painting our kids room, demolishing and retiling our fireplace, fixing up our pergola, going to our LAST foster parent certification class… Lots going on but I haven’t had time to go though photos and write up blog posts about it yet.

Here’s a funny story. When I looked up on Google Maps where the Department of Children’s Services office was located, I was surprised to see it was right by the apartment we lived in when we first moved to Nashville. (Our address was 1000 1st Avenue North, Nashville, TN. Cool, huh?) Last night during our last class, I looked out the window behind me and realized our apartment was RIGHT THERE. Right across the parking lot. I could practically see the door. How strange is that?! I feel like something in my life should have been coming full circle at that point but I’m not sure what.

I’m not shocked that I never noticed the DCS office. We lived in that apartment for 7 months and never realized we were within walking distance of the Farmer’s Market and Bicentennial State Park.

I loved living downtown. I’m so glad we did. We live about 4 miles from this apartment now which is the perfect distance for us. At this point, it would be nearly impossible to give up our house with our own 4 walls and roof, our yard, our garden, our patio, our neighborhood, our washer and dryer…

3 Comments | Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me, Other | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt

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