01/08/2014
One of these days I’ll get around to editing photos and posting about Christmas. We had a lovely Christmas and New Years. Did you?
Before I get to covering Christmas, I think a little family life update is in order…mainly because I hope you’ll pray about these situations.
Bee
She has been up in Wisconsin visiting with her extended family since December 20. They’re bringing her back on Monday for her permanency plan hearing. It’s likely that she’ll return to our home that day. There is a chance that the judge will give custody back to her mom at the hearing. I think this would be best for Bee, but I’m not really positive. I don’t know enough about her bio mom to say whether or not I think she’s ready to have her child back. She does however, have a healthy and large family support network. Her family in Wisconsin is trying to get placement transferred to them through the Interstate Compact on Placement of Children. ICPC is a paperwork nightmare and is necessary when a child who is in the custody of one state (Tennessee in this case) is transferred to the custody of another state. They’ve already had their home visit done up there and now we’re just waiting for the papers to move to all the right places. It can take months. I really don’t think it’s in Bee’s best interest to stay with us during those formative months of the first year of her life if it’s inevitable that she will be moving with her family eventually—and I’m certain that is the case. It’s going to be hard on her family who would be missing out on a bunch of her firsts, hard on us as we all fell in love with her after only 1 month, and hard on her because she’s not old enough to remember people she’s away from for long periods of time or understand what’s happening. So, if you would, pray that she’s moved to her family very soon, maybe even at the hearing on Monday.
Trust
Alianna has a biological baby sister that was born at the end of August. I’m not sure if her official nickname on my blog will be Trust but that’s what I was calling her in my prayer journal before she was born. I chose that as a reminder to trust God with her future, her safety and her forever family. Without going into much detail here because it’s still a very sensitive case, I ask that you would pray for her custody trial on Tuesday morning. We were invited to attend by Ali and Trust’s bio mom. The girls’ oldest biological sister is also seeking custody and will be there. The baby girl is currently with a relative of her biological father. We have a good relationship with their oldest bio sister and I don’t feel like we’re fighting against her or anyone else here…we just want what is best for Trust. I’m not sure what to expect on Tuesday but I know that God can do anything and if He wants Trust to end up in our home, in our family, so that she and Alianna can grow up together—He will do it. He moved a mountain for Alianna to stay with us and I fully believe that He can move a mountain for Trust to join our family.
Based on the above two situations, you might have noticed that there is a chance we will have one, two or no baby girls in our home next week. Having one is good. Having none is OK. Having two is…? LOL! I know we could handle it, especially knowing that Bee’s placement with us is short term. Monday and Tuesday are very big days for our family. I greatly appreciate your prayers.
4 Comments | 
Faith, Family, Family: Adoption, Family: Bee, Family: Extended Family and Friends, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: adoption, biological family, children, Family, foster care, girls, kids | 
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Posted by mahlbrandt
12/02/2013
We hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year which actually worked out pretty well because everyone else brought the majority of the food, we just did the turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole and lots of dishes.
Turkey #1:
Turkey #2:
‘Twas a beautiful day.
I asked Ali if she would take a picture of Jason and me before anyone else arrived. She’s getting pretty good with my iPhone!
Ali with my parents, Grandma and Grandpa:
Ali with Jason’s parents, Nana and Papa:
Mmm… Jason did an awesome job with the turkey and stuffing. It was delicious.
I didn’t get too many pictures of the actual dinner party but suffice it to say, it was a great day. These two little ladies laughed and played and ate too much dessert. Thanksgiving is one of my very favorite days of the year. I have so much to be thankful for. God is good!
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Posted by mahlbrandt
11/30/2013
Thanksgiving marked our first full week with Ms. Bee. I would have liked to write an update sooner but my hands have been pretty full. A year ago when we were thinking about reopening our home as foster parents, I didn’t think I wanted to parent another baby. I was hoping for a child older than Alianna. God heard my heart and we got 2.5 year old Buzz Lightyear. It was hard; really hard. The closeness of his and Ali’s age; the fact that he was grieving and angry and missing his mom; the fact that they were both close to 2 years old; it was our first experience parenting two children…it was a very challenging season that ended up being very rewarding. We’re thankful we were able to support he and his mom during that time. By the end of it, I was starting to think about babies again. I take back what I said…I want a baby again. My fellow Facebook and Instagram foster mamas understand this as “foster baby fever.”
Again, God heard my heart and we got Bee. Jason and I are both really, really enjoying having a baby around again. I actually said to him the other day, “Maybe we should only foster babies. They’re so much easier.” This time around is much more relaxed: we’ve done baby before, we’ve done parenting two kids before, we’ve done the foster care system before. It’s taken a few days to figure out how much Bee needs to sleep each day and how much formula she drinks and how often. We’re gently nudging her towards a schedule we prefer. She sleeps well: 10-11 hours most nights and takes 3-4 naps a day. It’s kind of amazing how much more laid back we are as parents this time around. Oh, and babies are so easy to love and attach to! Jason and I are already smitten with little Bee. We’re pretty sure her stay with us will be short term but that doesn’t stop us from falling completely in love with her.
Alianna’s transition into big sisterhood has been the biggest learning curve. We’ve seen jealously and regression. We weren’t able to prepare her much for this experience. I’ve told her many times that Buzz’s bedroom would soon belong to another child and we’d have someone else come and live with us for a while. I only had an hour warning about Bee specifically and I knew that even with that, it wasn’t a guarantee that she was coming until her case worker called back to say, “We’re leaving the office now.” That gave me about 15 minutes switch from, “There may be a baby girl coming here tonight,” to “Ali, there is a baby sister coming here tonight. She’s going to stay with us for a while just like Buzz did.” The second day I heard Ali tell Bee to go away a couple times. She asked me if Bee was going home to her mommy. We’ve explained many times that Buzz is home with his mommy so I’m not sure if Ali was hoping Bee’s going home with her mommy (now) or if she’s asking the bigger question that we’re all asking, is she going to leave?
I believe the jealousy and regression have a lot to do with the sudden influx of baby toys, products and contraptions. Within a day or two we had a bouncy seat, Bumbo, swing, Johnny Jump Up and some kind of activity center jumping unit. In addition to that, we have bottles, bibs, burp cloths, blankets, rattles, teethers, toys and crinkle books. I can’t blame Ali at all for being jealous and for wanting to try out everything and be a baby, too. A mom of three confirmed my hunch that we should both indulge and discourage her behavior. Allow her to check things out and pretend to be a baby but keep reminding her that she doesn’t need those things anymore because she’s a big girl now. She’s been pretty good about helping me, especially getting a new diaper and wipe and taking the dirties to the trash can. She loves Bee and most of the time wants to be near her, gives her kisses, asks were she is and what she is saying. I can confidently say that after a week things are feeling pretty normal.
1 Comment | Faith, Family, Family: Bee, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: babybee, Bee, children, Family, foster care, foster parenting | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
11/14/2013
It was on October 29th when we got our first call. Based on past experience, I expected the calls to continue coming every other day at least, until we got a “yes” call. But the phone hasn’t rung again. I was relieved. More time to rest. More time to prepare. More time to enjoy life as a family of three. But then the guilt started creeping in. I have a slew of foster mama friends (through social media) and many of them are in the trenches right now, doing the hard work of foster care. I started feeling guilty about all the sunshine and rainbows over here and wondering if some kid across town is suffering, waiting for a foster home to open up. On Friday, due to that guilt, I sent our FSW (family service worker) an email to make sure we are indeed on the call list and that the first call wasn’t a fluke.
On Tuesday morning, I opened up my Jesus Calling devotional to November 12. Once again, God used that little book to speak directly into my situation. In case you can’t read it in the picture above, here’s the first half:
This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you. Sometimes My children hesitate to receive My good gifts with open hands. Feelings of false guilt creep in, telling them they don’t deserve to be so richly blessed. This is nonsense-thinking, because no one deserves anything from Me.
If that wasn’t enough to relieve my guilt, our FSW wrote back on Tuesday afternoon to confirm that we are on the list. We’ve done nothing wrong but calls have slowed down drastically as they’ve changed the way they do removals. I suspected this already because I read this news article. In short, they’re waiting until they hold a hearing before taking kids out of their homes. I think this is mostly good. I’m not at all in favor of the government being able to come and take away a child without a valid, proven reason. On the other hand, I’m concerned about kids languishing in rotten situations longer than necessary. Calls have slowed way down. Where are all the kids? Are there that many cases that don’t justify a removal? Or are there kids who are being left in abusive situations due to lack of evidence? Not much I can do in that situation but pray.
I’m doing my best to move forward into this time of ease and refreshment guilt-free. Thankfully, God has been speaking a lot lately (or is it that I’ve been listening better?) and He keeps assuring me that He knows what He’s doing, who He is bringing to our family next and when.
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Posted by mahlbrandt
11/07/2013
These are not all on my original playlist; it’s a comprehensive list with suggestions from several other foster mama friends.
“Make You Feel My Love” by Adele
“All of Me” by Matt Hammitt
“I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz
“These Hard Times” by Needtobreathe
“I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons
“Don’t Let It Get You Down” by Johnnyswim
“Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman
“Lay ‘Em Down” by Needtobreathe
“Follow You” by Leeland
“Hallelujah” by Johnnyswim
“Never Once” by Matt Redman
“Home” by Phillip Phillips
“Kings & Queens” by Audio Adrenaline
“One Drop” by Plumb
“Daylight” by Maroon 5
“One Thing Remains” by Passion
“Worn” by Tenth Avenue North
“Oceans” by Hillsong United
“Carry On” by Fun.
“Hopeless Wanderer” by Mumford & Sons
“When a Heart Breaks” by Ben Rector
“Closer to Love” by Mat Kearney
“Whom Shall I Fear [God of Angel Armies]” by Passion
“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri
“Kingdom Comes” by Sara Groves
3 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: foster care, foster mama, foster mom, music, songs | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
11/06/2013
As I spent the month of October preparing for our fourth child, I thought a lot about our first three. I’ve had this idea for a while but finally did it: an 8×10 photo, an initial and a shadow box of significant items for each child. It’s the start of our hallway gallery wall that might one day be full of difference faces and memories.
I also make a necklace in honor of my motherhood to these three sweethearts.
I made a CD of my “songs for the foster mama’s heart.”
I got our next kid’s room ready, including setting up the pack n play in case we get a baby. (And if we do, I’ll probably end up buying a second crib because Ali is still using hers.)
Lots of time was spent reading and praying, usually right in this spot on the couch in the morning before anyone else is up.
I spent half of a Saturday cooking several gallons of soup and stocking it in the freezer.
Sometimes I feel like the house is ready and other times I feel like I need a day to clean and organize. I know it’s ready enough and we have everything childproofed to DCS standards but I guess it’s just a nesting thing.
Then I rearranged the next kid’s room a little bit. This bed seems to only work in this one spot in this room and it kind of drives me nuts. I’m thinking I’ll eventually move it into Ali’s room and get some regular bunk beds that can be switched into twin beds for maximum flexibility.
Then more time has been spent resting, waiting, preparing, breathing deep in the now. A cup of tea on a sunny afternoon is balm to my soul.
11 Comments | Art, Art: Bedoom for Foster Kids, Art: Cooking, Art: new home kids room, Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: children, foster kids, foster parenting, kids, motherhood, preparation, ready, rest | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
11/04/2013
I’m back to blogging. I think. Taking a month off has forced me to reevaluate my frequency of blogging and realizing I could take some pressure off of myself. For years I’ve pushed myself to post 5x a week. I really enjoy blogging but at the end of the day after working full time, being a wife and mom, fostering (again soon), doing freelance…sometimes it starts to feel like another chore to tick off my to do list.
Reflecting on my most recent post, we haven’t sold our old car yet, we didn’t end up doing respite (only had one request and Jason was out of town), and I’m still not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. However we did take Alianna to Dollywood and it was a blast. The month of October also included a lot of rest, prayer, preparations to our next foster kid’s bedroom, meals cooked and stocked in the freezer, reading, and time well spent with friends and family. I’ll be posting some pictures of specific adventures from October but for now, here is a little photo summary.
In foster care news, we’ve started receiving calls for placement #4 and by “calls” I mean we got one call last Tuesday for a teenager. I said no. We had planned to wait to reopen our home until Buzz is officially out of state care but our worker said we needed to open sooner because they have a shortage of homes. I’m kind of surprised we haven’t had more calls but I’m honestly in no hurry. Life is easy, sweet and comfortable right now. I trust in God’s timing and I know He has something specific planned for us, and a specific child He wants us to open our home and hearts to next. Buzz’s exit hearing was moved back to mid-November but everything is still looking great for him to be officially back in his mom’s custody, where he’s been living since he left our home at the beginning of August. I’m so happy that we’ve been able to stay in touch and stay friends. We text back and forth often and have gotten together twice so far. We’re planning a celebratory dinner the night after his exit hearing.
2 Comments | Art, Art: God's creation, Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Me | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
09/24/2013
It feels almost like Ali has three birthdays and they’re all within two months of each other. In July she turned two, in August we celebrated one year since her adoption finalization and on Saturday we celebrated our “familiversary” or family day – the second anniversary of the day she joined our family. At that time it was through foster care and we had no idea that she would eventually be part of our family forever. She has been an amazing blessing and has brought me so much joy as a mother. God’s plans are so much better than anything I could have come up with on my own. She stuck her tongue out a lot as a baby (and consequently drooled a lot). She was dealt a pretty bad hand as a newborn but I guess she was showing what she thought about that…
Thankfully, Jason got home on Saturday so we could celebrate our family day all together. We asked Ali what she wanted to do to and she gave us the same answer she almost always gives: Chuy’s! I’m not sure why she loves Chuy’s so much. She pretty much just eats the chips and beans. Maybe it the rainbow sherbet push up the server always gives her for dessert.
On the way home from dinner our picture perfect family day celebration started to crumble. We’ve been trying to teach Ali to stop taking her shoes off every time we get in the car (a habit learned after our two recent road trips.) She wasn’t listening so I climbed into the backseat so I could address her correctly and attempt to reverse the behavior. She wasn’t having it. In fact, the more anger and frustrated I got, the more she just laughed and laughed. I was losing my temper and the only consequence I could come up with for her defiance was to not allow her to have pie for dessert when we got home but to go straight to bath and bed. I had made the peanut butter pie especially to celebrate our familiversary and Jason’s birthday, and I had specifically planned to have her blow out candles on it since she’s been recently obsessed with the birthday song and blowing out “crandows.” I gave up on the shoe battle and got back in my seat. When we got home, I stuck to my guns and took her straight to her bath. She was still as happy as could be. It was me who was having a problem. I looked at my beautiful, joyful daughter and released that I was allowing our family’s enemy to steal the finalé away from our family day. I quickly changed my mind about my consequence and asked her to forgive me for losing my temper. She’s always quick to forgive.
I dressed her in her “daddy’s little girl” pjs—my favorite. Ali almost didn’t grow up with a daddy, twice. But now she has a great daddy, a daddy who fought for her and continues to fight for her everyday. Her birth mom told us she hoped that Ali would be a daddy’s girl and she is—they have a very special bond. When Jason’s not on the road his schedule is very flexible. From the time Ali came home she was his sidekick, hanging out with him in his studio during recording and practice sessions, going with him to the bank, lunch, coffee shop. Despite him being a touring musician, he gets to spend a lot more time with her than most parents who work away from home M-F/9-5. It’s truly a blessing! I love seeing their father-daughter relationship growing and changing as she gets older.
Clean from her bath and cozy in her pjs, we celebrated our familiversary, singing, “Happy family to me!” and Ali blew out 2 candles for our 2 years together. Then we sang “Happy birthday to Daddy” and he blew out candles for his 31st birthday which was last Monday while he was away. I’m so thankful for my little family and excited to discover what lies ahead for us in the next year.
6 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Adoption, Family: Foster Parenting, Family: Jason, Family: Me, Family: Precious/Ali | Tagged: adoption, daughter, familiversary, Family, family day, foster care | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
09/18/2013
I want to write from the heart, to pour out and sort out all that’s swirling around in my mind, but blogging requires a balancing act between public life and private life that’s tricky to manage. Perhaps it’s especially tricky as a foster parent, because a child in state custody is never legally mine and their stories are not mine to share. I say all that because I have a lot of heavy stuff going on in my heart and my head and I don’t know what, if any of it, to share here. The complexity of that stuff makes writing a blog post about sewing a toddler purse or making a peanut butter pie seem terribly superficial.
Here are a few random bullet points from my brain swirl:
• On Thursday we started getting placement calls again out of the blue. I was under the impression we were on hold status because we hadn’t gotten any calls since…well, since May 3 when Buzz arrived. I had a discussion about that with the third placement worker and she said she would be glad to make a note on our file that we’re not available until the end of October, when Buzz’s 90-day home visit trial period is over. Placement workers are the sweetest people working for DCS and they have one of the most discouraging jobs. All three of the placements we were called about—4 kids in total—were under the age of 2. That’s extremely rare in our county. I’m sure they were able to find homes for them but it’s still heart breaking to say no. If it were November I would have said yes to any of them. I’m now officially hoping for a baby next time after mentally imagining saying yes to each of those placement calls.
• I called back the sweet placement worker on Friday morning to clarify that we would make an exception to the hold status for any previous foster kids or their biological family members.
• On Saturday morning Ali and I met Buzz and his mom for breakfast. It was the first time we had seen them since the beginning of August when they were reunited. It was also Buzz’s 3rd birthday. I’m so glad we could celebrate with them. I got the impression his mom has had to close their world in so tight that they really don’t see many family and friends. Both kids ask about each other a lot. Apparently Buzz asks to see pictures of “Mama and Ali”…it really means a lot to me that his mom told me that because I was afraid it was hurting her that he calls me Mama. He calls her Mommy, thankfully, so he has a different name for each of us. Buzz was quite nervous when we walked into the IHOP. I’m sure it stirred up a mess of emotions. We both assured him that he was going home with his mom and we were just visiting because Ali and I miss him. (Jason too but he’s traveling.) He was pretty quiet through breakfast. It looks and sounds like they’re doing great. I’m so proud of them both! We all got hugs when we said goodbye and tentatively made plans to get together again next month. I’m blessed to get to keep in touch with them. We’re certainly not required to but we both just want to keep in touch. I love that!
• I keep coming back to the word trust, over and over again. Trust. With all of the unknowns. WIth all of the maybes. With all of the secret hopes. With all of the dreams for the future. WIth all of the worries about situations and individuals way outside of my control. With all of the confusion and mess. TRUST. I started looking up Bible verses related to trust on Sunday afternoon. “Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5. That verse has been popping up in my head for several weeks. And the follow up to trust is wait. Be patient. Wait. Trust.
2 Comments | Faith, Family, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: Faith, foster care, hope, parenting, patience, trust, wait | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
07/18/2013
Have all my fellow foster parent friends read this? I think it should be required reading. It is a memoir by a young woman who was in foster care from ages 3-12 until she was adopted. She lived through some horrific foster homes and has become a voice and advocate for foster kids. Rocked my world. I finished this in 2 days while we were on vacation.
I borrowed a copy from the library but you can buy it online here.
Leave a Comment » | Faith, Family, Family: Adoption, Family: Foster Parenting | Tagged: adoption, book, foster care, foster kid, foster parents, memoir, reading, three little words | Permalink
Posted by mahlbrandt
myMCMlife.com 