I’m trying not to make all of my blog posts baby-related but I’m nesting so that’s where a lot of my creative energy is going these days. I’ve been doing more sewing; I’ll share more about that later. I got some new artwork for Baby Boy’s room. My favorite band, Needtobreathe, had an album out last year called Rivers in the Wasteland. It’s based on one of my favorite scriptures and the one I’m praying over this year, Isaiah 43:18-19. I looked for a poster based on their album cover art, which I also happen to love, and instead found this vinyl record.
While perusing Target.com’s clearance the other day, I found these baby boy swimming trunks. Between an extra sale on clearance items and my REDcard’s 5% off and free shipping, these cost $2.59. I couldn’t resist. They seem gigantic for a newborn but maybe by the end of summer he’ll be ready to take some dips in my parents’ heated pool.
I’ve really tried hard not to buy much for our son yet. We have a fair amount of baby supplies already and we got a lot of useful hand-me-downs from my sister (like that rainforest mobile attached to the crib above, play mats, a bumbo seat and a breast pump). One thing we’re lacking the most is clothing. I decided to pop into Goodwill the other day to look for some great deals. I walked away with 5 shirts and 2 pairs of pants for $10, all various sizes from 3m – 12m. This is the 7th child we’ve welcomed in our home but it’s the first time we’ve been able to plan ahead so far for a specific new addition. I love knowing that he’ll still be a part of our family when he’s 12 months old.
When does a woman become a mother? Is it when she conceives for the first time? Is it when she becomes aware of her baby? Is it when she first holds her child in her arms?
I pondered those questions as I was decorating a nursery, taking infant CPR classes, buying car seats and driving a minivan. No baby was growing in my womb, known or unbeknownst to me. I had not see my first child’s face, breathed her name or held her in my arms.
Yet, I felt like a mother.
So, I asked God, “When does a woman become a mother?”
I love New Years. Out with the old, in with the new. Christmas is packed up and stored away. I’m looking forward to so much in 2015, but most of all I’m excited for the birth of our son in April and settling in as a forever family of four. We don’t have a strict plan for the future of foster parenting and I know we’re not done forever, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we take most of 2015 off as we go through some significant transitions. I’m praying and believing for some big things this year and I’m excited to see what God is going to do.
Here’s a great song for the new year called “This Year” by JJ Heller:
The verse I’m praying for this year is Isaiah 43:18-19:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
I’m playing a little blog catch up. I meant to share this photo on Thanksgiving. Every day in November leading up to the holiday we would think of something we were thankful for and write it on the chalkboard wall. It was fun to hear what Ali would come up with. She answered “trees and leaves” or “leaves” at least three times. I think it’s safe to say she had fun playing in crunchy, colorful leaves this fall. My favorite, though, was when she’d say “Mommy-Daddy-Ali love” or “Mommy-Daddy love” or any combination of our names. I’m not really sure if it’s our love for her that she was thinking of, or if it was each unique relationship dynamic. Either way, it melted my heart. She also listed “baby brother or sister” and “messy [fried] eggs.”
Here’s my little heart melter on Thanksgiving. We hosted at our house but I failed to take any photos once the gathering began.
I snapped this selfie (bumpie?) of my baby belly and a grapefruit because at 19-20 weeks, the baby was supposedly about this size. I thought that seemed crazy until I looked at the photo. OK, I guess a grapefruit would fit in there.
Sunday as I was skimming my Instagram I discovered that it was the first ever World Adoption Day. Everyone is encouraged to show their support of adoption and celebration of family by drawing a smiley face on your palm. Jason was out of town but Ali and I jumped into the fun. Ali was pretty excited about the smiley faces and wanted to show everyone at church that we had matching hands.
Every fall Jason plays a series of concerts at Dollywood park in Pigeon Forge with Guy Penrod. Everyone brings their families and we have a big time exploring the amusement park, watching concerts, exploring the Great Smoky Mountains and eating lots of yummy food. If you know anything about my experience of pregnancy so far you know I was most excited about the food! Ali was most excited about the rides and the concerts. She’s a huge fan of her Daddy and of Guy. We went to one of the three concerts each of the three days and spent the rest of the time playing, eating and sleeping. Ali took a nap in the van each afternoon (praise the Lord!) and we even snuck in a little time to swim in the hotel pool one evening. One of the biggest highlights for me was getting to meet up with my foster mama friend Nicole who lives in nearby Knoxville. We were able to get some extra tickets for her and her girls for the park one day. Her youngest is the same age as Ali. The girls hit it off and danced together through a concert (Guy even came off stage to talk to them during the concert, which Ali is still talking about!) and rode all of the kiddie rides together. I can’t show photos of her face or share her name but I did get lots of photos of them together. Ali’s favorite ride was the little roller coaster that she called “the pretend train.” As always it was a wonderful time and I came home completely exhausted.
On my way to work yesterday I ran over a nail. I had just pulled off the interstate to meet my mother-in-law at our usual meeting place near my office. When I pulled off the street I thought my van sounded a little funny but it wasn’t alarming. I transferred Ali over to her Nana and we chatted for a while, standing right beside my van. When I got back in and began to drive to work, I immediately recognized the sound of a flat tire. I pulled into the gas station across the street, thankful for a safe place to park. It was a perfect fall day—clear and sunny with a breeze. My tire was completely flat. I texted my boss and then Jason and then my dad to cancel our lunch date. Then I called AAA and requested assistance to put the spare on. Then I went into the gas station and bought a drink and some snacks (because baby Froggie makes me hungry ALL THE TIME). The repair tech didn’t take long to show up and did his job. Set up with the spare, I took the long way on back roads to our favorite neighborhood mechanic. They were able to patch it up quickly and it only cost me $15. I got to work almost exactly 2 hours late. What could have been a dangerous or uncomfortable experience was actually a kind of fun morning adventure. I just kept thinking over and over again about all that I was thankful for:
• Beautiful weather, not too hot or too cold to sit outside
• I was at a gas station with a convenience store full of yummy snacks
• The flat didn’t occur on the interstate where I had been minutes earlier
• My three year old was already safely with her Nana
• We have AAA so it just took one phone call and someone was there to assist me in less than an hour
• I have a cell phone and a charger to contact help, notify my work and look up a route to the mechanic
• I discovered a new route back to my neighborhood from my office thanks to the “avoid highways” button on my Google maps app
• Social media kept me from getting bored while I waited
• Our mechanic is reliable, quick and inexpensive
• The whole ordeal only took two hours
• I dealt with it all by myself (Girl Power!)
——
It’s good to have perspective. I have so much to be thankful for and a little nail puncture in my tire isn’t enough to ruin my day.
As of yesterday, four of our six hens are laying eggs. I’m hoping now that we’re up to 3-4 a day we’ll have enough to share with family and friends. August brought a lot of long, hot days and I tried to let the girls out of their run to roam the backyard for a bit everyday. We don’t let them out all the time because they’ll eat all our plants and poop all over everything if we don’t supervise or limit the time. But they love to run and flap their wings and roll around in the mulch to take dust baths (necessary to keep cool and shake pests off their skin). Plus, I love to interact with them. They’ll come up to the back door to look into the living room and sometimes my favorite girl Sunny S.U. will even knock on the window with her beak to say hello.
One humid afternoon I took a container of blueberries out to share with my hens. (I like to thank them for all their fresh eggs!) Once the girls realized I had treats, they started to gather around. Most of the birds are afraid to get too close to me. I like to make them put in a little effort to get the treat so I’ll extend my arm as far as I can to offer a berry. A couple of the girls will snatch the berry and jump back to check it out and then gobble it down, not getting close enough for me to touch them. The three youngest birds won’t even get that close. They’ll scratch around the garden, barely paying attention to the berry frenzy the others are enjoying. Because I’m generous and I want them to learn to trust me, I throw a few treats to the most fearful ones, too. I have to practically pelt them with the blueberries in order for them to notice and enjoy the gift.
Then there is Sunny. Buff Orpingtons are known to be friendly chickens but I’m amazed at how different she is than the others. She’s never been afraid of me. While I was sitting on the steps throwing berries out to the distant ones, I realized she was standing quietly right by my feet. She wasn’t scared. She wasn’t impatient or greedy, pecking at my stash or me, as they sometimes do. I can reach down and pet her soft feathers and she’s never backs away. She was peaceful and content to stand by me and wait for any treats I might offer. I have six birds but my sweet, faithful Sunny got half of the berries.
I had a revelation that afternoon about Father God. He delights in His children and loves to give out blessings and good things. So often we’re afraid to get close to Him so we act like we don’t care. We’re content to scratch in the dirt for our own treats, ignorant to the fact that He’s freely giving out better options if we’ll only look at Him. Then other times we get the confidence (or desperation) to get close and snag a gift or a blessing but then jump back again, into a safe distance. I wonder what it would be like if we would really sit at His feet without any reservations, not because we’re greedy or desperate, but because we simply like to be close to Him. And undoubtedly, the ones who sit loyally at His feet will get more of the goodness.
I wanna sit at your feet Drink from the cup in your hand. Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand. I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming
(From “The More I Seek You” written by Zach Neese in 1999)
It’s been 7 weeks since Firefly left and I’ve been enjoying the unofficial break from foster care. We’re still on the list but we only got one lonely call while we were on vacation. It’s never far from my mind, though, especially when my phone rings with a number I don’t recognize. I read this great post today called Dear Church, you are called to foster care.
Matthew 25:31-46 is the passage of Scripture that resonates most with me as a foster parent and this post echoes my heart. As foster parents we’ve had opportunities to interact with parents or children in all of these situations. And that’s just the five kids we’ve had the chance to love.
The children in foster care represent the addicted, the imprisoned, the trafficked, the abused and neglected.
They reflect divorce, immigration, single parent homes, and the unemployed.
They carry the stories of parents who are homeless, churchless, widowed and broken.
They are little ones who are weighed with special needs, illiteracy, and teenage pregnancy.
Graphic designer, MCM interior design enthusiast, wife to amazing guitarist and hard working realtor, mama—by way of foster care, adoption and biology—and follower of Jesus Christ.
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