There is so much whirring around in my head but I can’t seem to organize any of it into a well packaged blog post.
There is everything and there is nothing.
Sorting through it is overwhelming.
I take a deep breath and keep going. Everyday.
One day at a time.
Looking too far ahead makes the butterflies in my tummy start flapping.
Reflecting on the past sometimes stirs up more pain than joy.
So I try my best to keep my head and my heart in today.
To be present.
To savor every moment I have with the people I love.
Last spring I wrote a post called On The Precipice as we were about to take the plunge into foster parenting. Right now, I feel like our toes are up to the edge of four different cliffs. It’s exciting times for our little family. And it’s a lot to take in. Jason’s mind is as full of spinning thoughts as mine…but it seems like when he’s pondering one thing, my brain is consumed with another. We’re doing our best to encourage and support each other. In some ways it feels like we’ve been disconnected lately with all that’s flooding in around us (or maybe just preoccupied) but at the same time, our foundation is as strong as ever and we’ve been holding each other up through each day. I’m so thankful to have my best friend right by my side.
It’s a strange season we’re in… or maybe it’s the change of seasons we’re feeling right now. Funny how the natural sometimes lines up with the spiritual. Driving to work through the park near our house one day last week, a shower of orange and yellow leaves rained down on my car as I drove under the trees. The beauty of it brought tears to my eyes. I love how God made the process of leavings dying into such a beautiful show.
I can so relate to feeling the whirring, overwhelming mess of thoughts floating around in your head. I’ve been there so many times. It is exciting. And scary. And all you really want is to just know for sure that whatever happens and whatever is decided is really what God wants. At least that’s how I feel. The funny thing for me is that I’ve been there so many times that I actually start to miss that feeling! Not that I’m asking for the confusion to come again – it’s just that as I look back on each of those times in my life, the time that followed was so amazing and awesome and so obviously God-directed. What more can you ask for? So as you seek His will on these different issues or turning points, know that once you’re on the other side you’ll be able to proceed with such a confidence and assurance that you won’t doubt that He was leading. I love looking back on those times in my life. I know that He brought me through each time of confusion, and He will bring me through in the future as well. I remember feeling like this around the time I met my hubby – now I look back on that year with only fond memories, and it’s one of my favorite stories. I actually just shared it so feel free to take a peek (https://instantmama.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/our-love-story-12-years-and-counting/). And when you’ve reached the place where you can share how God has led through this time in your life, I’d love to read about that as well – it’s so awesome to see God working.
[…] that’s exciting. And nerve-wracking. And it’s one of the precipices I was referring to on Monday. Sounds like there is a pretty good chance—75% maybe?—that we will have the opportunity to […]
[…] for disappearing for a few days. Plates are spinning around here. Still. (And Merry-Go-Rounds.) Instead of formulating a thoughtful blog post, here is a recap of our […]